Eleonora July Carolina Carolina Abigail Umbridge Evans - Granger was what you could rightfully call undescribably flawless . No man (nor woman) could resist her perfect mane of gorgeous golden locks that framed her heart-shaped face , her velvet pools the color of moonshine framed by long dark lashes , and dazzling smile . She also happened to be a Triwizard champion , a Quidditch star and a Metamorphmagus , and she also had invented self-stirring cauldrons , had telekinetic powers , could turn into a pink pegasus , knew everything about life, the universe and the rest of it , had a beautiful singing voice , could travel through time and was well-known in Hollywood .
When she had been six her parents were sent to Azkaban , so that henceforth she was held prisoner at number twelve Grimmauld Place . Although she had been starved all the time , secretly , she swore revenge . Then, at age thirteen she was finally rescued by aliens .
But unbeknownst to herself, she was really the long-lost twin sister of a Dementor , betrothed at birth to Draco Malfoy as well as cursed by Fate to die at a young age . However, because she was on the run from Osama Bin Laden , she teleported from just before the first world war , and stealthily entered Hogwarts by numerous fanfic self-inserts . Her last year of school ended when she was caught snogging Ginny , your brother , and Tom from the Leaky Cauldron all at the same time.

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