THE TEN COMMANDMENTS* *If they'd been written by Cat
I I am the one true cat above all others. Thou shalt honour no other cat but me. Especially that ginger tom down the road, And that kitten, you know, the one who does "that REALLY cute thing" with the ball of string.
II Thou shalt not worship before graven images. Unless they're of Cat. And they capture my good side.
III Thou shalt not take Cat's name in vain. Epecially if I have just eaten your food. [You should have eaten it faster]
IV I do declare all days to be a sabbath day. But only for Cat.
V Thou shalt honour thy mother and father, for they fuss me, and bring me treats when they visit.
VI Thou shalt not kill. Unless you are Cat. In which case all bets are off. [BURP]
VII Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless you are Cat. In which case, that Siamese is mine, MINE dagnamit!
VIII Thou shalt not steal from Cat. Especially if it's something I like. Cat will remember.
IX Thou shalt not bear false witness against Cat. Blaming me for something will be a BAAAD thing. Claws, shower - get the picture?
X Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's cat. See rule I.
Macloud? Are you the actual author of this? I thought I saw it elsewhere as well, but I could be completely imagining it... --K
Hmm. Don't think so, but, now I think about it, I guess there are probably a few of these around... --K
"This is quite terrible and quite wonderful - if such words have any clear meaning, 'terrible' conjures images of huge, gaping beasts or sulking psychopaths; 'wonderful' brings a silken princess and a thornless rose. Both words might conjure a cat." - quote from "Cat Magic" by Whitley Strieber, the dedication to which reads: "This book is dedicated to something that may be a cat. He is enormous, black as death and usually gone. He has a shredded ear and a kink in his tail. If he is around he might enjoy being stroked, and then again he might hurt you if you so much as touch a hair. He never purrs. He likes to stare." --Steve
There's the kind of thinking you can do in the shower or at the gym – deciding to take a vacation or buy a new car… there’s the kind of thinking you can do in your living room over a cup of tea – like balancing the checkbook, or learning conversational Japanese... and then there’s the kind of thinking that requires a cat. heard or read somewhere I can't remeber --Steve
ChrisHowlett pondered the other day the possibility of a feline owned by a fantasy buff who's interested in Japanese - a fairly likely occurence around here, he'd have thought. It occured to him that a perfect name for such a creature would be "Arcana". That way you could talk about "my cat, Arcana"... "CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. " - The Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce. CategoryCategory; now contains a CategoryAwfulPun
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