RealProgrammer

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Oh come on, there is no way that the topic of the RealProgrammer hasn't been raised before now. That can't be right... MaintainMe if you know of an equivalent page.

[The Story of Mel] - an inspiration to us all.

Real Programmers don't eat quiche (don't ask).
Real Programmers *never* use the latest bloated system. OOP? Be serious. Assembly language is pushing it.
Real Programmers are permanently wired to the eyeballs with caffeine.
Real Programmers don't comment code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to read.
Real Programmers are unsackable. Not only are they the only ones who understand their code, but they've "optimised" the Human Resources software.
Real Programmers are closely related in mentality to [Real Sysadmins]. They can strip down a cattle prod in 15 seconds.
Real Programmers always have a backdoor
{Add your truism of choice here}

I think this whole stereotype needs updating. The whole 'Real Programmers code to the metal' thing worked when that was the most complex nasty thing to do, but I feel the internet age has introduced whole new areas of ignorance to explore.

Real Programmers write obscure languages.
Real Programmers spend longer optimising their development environment and text editor than they do optimising 90% of their code.
Real Programmers generate code generation generators.
Real Programmers write one line programs with 5 lines of comments and still nobody understand them, because most people didn't even know those five libraries had those obscure features the RP is combining the side effects of.
Real Programmers are frequently sacked (hey, what do you think caused all those dot coms to go bust?).
Real Programmers know more ip numbers than phone numbers.
Real Programmers have strange socio-political beliefs that they think follow logically from the principles of optimising compiler design.