Wed 28 Dec: Alan: I'm sorry, my head's in the middle of Poland.
Sun 25 Dec Vic: All you need is four of them to be horseshoes for a giant inflatable marshmallow horse
Sat 24 Dec Vic: What I need is a kitchen in a sort of hyperbolic cup-shaped gravity field
Ant: Us large four-headed Churchills [He may have meant to say large-foreheaded...]
Fri 23 Dec Susy: Someone has to pretend to be normal in this family, and I'm fed up with it being me!
Wed 21 Dec zoe: Trombones and aeroplanes /do/ mix. If you take half a trombone and half a plane you get a jumbo jet. If you take /three/ trombones, you get an ocean going liner!
Mon 19 Dec Alex: Don't you see people's New Year plans written in luminous white letters hovering above their head?
Mike: We have a false Thursday and a true one. We shall have to threaten to cut their baby in half to see which is which!
Alex: At least my Dad's motor mechanic skills are somewhat greater than those of a random tree by the side of the motorway
Mon 12th Dec Alex to Mike: Not all of the animals in this are people. Just the cats and the rabbits. [Context: [These][two] SamBakza? animations]
Wed 30th Nov Jacqueline: I've decided: I'm going to be a writer. I'm going to get some exotic hats.
Tue 29th Nov ChrisHowlett: Alex, why are you lime green again. Stop it
Mon 28th Nov Rachael: I think I may have changed the sex of this horse, but I haven't got time to check
Tue 23rd Nov Jacqueline: I'm not generous with my blood! Leave me some!
Peter: I'm trying to win the game. What are you trying to do? - Edwin: Turn into a jellyfish. - Alan: How would you rate your progress?? - Peter: In terms of the number of tentacles, probably...
You'd hope so, wouldn't you? But no, in fact they were playing Labyrinth Master... --AC
Alex to Alan: Forgive me for assuming that Edwin was talking about turning his body into a jellyfish, rather than his soul!
Sun 30th Oct Kenton: We should be making sandwiches out of the dominion of darkness. That's a biblical statement.
Kenton: Everybody should have one of these: it's an extremely vicious-looking, double-bladed bread knife of the Spirit!
Kenton: Once your head has been chopped off on the battlefield, it's pretty much game over, you retire from the battlefield and sit in the pavilion drinking tea
Fri 28th Oct Tish: chutney originally typed as cthutney - very Lovecraft. (Actually, I suppose HP sauce could be described as a cthutney.)
Thu 27th Oct Joy: I think you could get quite a sizeable proportion of the population incriminated by the trousers you wore in to the shop
Sun 23rd Oct Nick Green: We need to literally put our money where our mouth is. Well, maybe not literally... Unless it's chocolate money
Fri 21st Oct Alan: You'd think that that dense a concentration of philosophy would be impassable to footballs anyway, but...
Sun 9th Oct Liz: When people are ill they have to eat grapes, cake and chocolate... - Alan: Ooh, I think I'm coming down with something!
Fri 7th Oct (A MagicTheGathering quote, with apologies) Alan: You could have a MTG: Mirror Gallery in play, go round making all your opponent's lands legendary, and then destroy the Mirror Gallery...
Mon 3rd Oct Mike: I'm wearing my scarf! That's why I couldn't find it in my bag. Unless of course I'm in my bag and not aware of it. (Alex looks curiously at Mike) Well I have to remember these logical yet unlikely cases when I'm talking to a MathMo...
Sat 1st Oct Alex: How are you? - James: I'm not made of ice cream, but other than that, I'm fine!
Thu 29th Sep Shawn: I'm MUCH weirder than you ^_^ - Alex: Ooh. I'm not sure my army of plastic mice inside mechanical banana teacups would agree with you - Shawn: Bah! My nuclear penguin would squeegee them up! - Alex: But are the quarks in your penguin the right colour? My mice have lilac-coloured quarks, which is where they get their power to magically summon sugar cubes
Sat 24th Sep Alan: "My bidet is filled with frogspawn". Well, I suppose if you did have some frogspawn, it would be the obvious place to keep it...
Zoë (to David, speaking slowly and clearly in the 'this should be obvious' tone of voice): Mike is one of my close friends. He is not likely to be normal!
Thu 22th Sep Mike: In an emergency I must look to see if they've installed a VendAGoat? machine in the department.
Tue 20th Sep Ian: I don't know where coffee tolerance ends and raging caffeine addiction begins
Edwin: Sneak in, put earplugs on landlord, sneak out again
Peter: I'm frankly alarmed at the theological implications of my hair
Alan: No I'm saying that isn't it the case that what everyone wants to do in life is count cows?
Mon 19 Sep (InternationalTalkLikeAPirateDay?) Chris H: You don't have to be either male or female... - *general giggling* - Chris: Well it does help if you're one or the other...
Mike: Shiver me wiper blades!
Sun 18 Sep Colin Brookes: So I thought maybe God was trying to speak to me through bananas...
Colin Brookes: If you're thinking of coming on Alpha, come! There are acronyms!
Steve: Things that stand in the way of progress are Gravity, Friction and Microsoft Windows!
Elaine: I had an umbrella, which kept the top half of me wet
Sat 17 Sep Joel Virgo: There are some people who view it as their job to figure out who the Antichrist is, and then write letters of complaint to him
Joel Virgo: There's something wrong with the microphone... Oh, I'm not wearing it, that's what it is
Fri 16 Sep Joel Virgo: God is in charge, because that's what you get when you're God, that's kind of the job description
Wed 14 Sep MoonShadow: There's some interesting papers on the net about horses and monkeys... on the subject...
Tue 13 Sep "Christina Adams" to Alex: Your head is quite firm and is brain-filled as well!
SMcV: If [Alan's] deck was simple enough that he could remember what was in it.... - alex: Then he wouldn't be playing it! - alan: Correct!!
Sun 11 Sep Steve: Maybe it wasn't so much a de-emphasis as a... lack of emphasis
Thu 8 Sep Steve: That's how you get rid of foxes: you bomb them with frozen chickens!
Tue 6 Sep Alex: A ninefold blindfold: for blindfolding bees
Sun 4 Sep [misheard by Susan] Susan: Come and look at photos of plants! If you can cope with this... - Alex: I can, I can. My mother is a garden.
Mon 29 Aug Alex: "I'm a part-time stock market!"
Sat 27 Aug
Ady: I am the very model of a modern hippopotamum
Fri 19 Aug Morag: [Alex] is not a sample taken at random! You cannot possibly call him... well, you can call him random, but...
Thu 18 Aug Alex: I'm sure my employers would rather I keep the time I spend compulsively drawing castles on work time to a minimum...
Thu 4 Aug Alan: I wonder if the coffee beans of the world are uniting against us to create a caffetalist superstate, or whether I'm just getting old!
Mon 1 Aug Alex: I'm not sure how likely Baal is to be worshipped by fleets of molecular-scale aliens
Mon 25 July Mike: Not having personal experience of slaughtering thousands of priests of Baal, I'm willing to take Elijah's word on the matter - Alex: Goodness me, Mike, whatever did you do with yourself in Mexico, Mike? Mike: Um... Eat a lot of tacos? Alex: You mean you don't count tacos as prophets of Baal?
Thu 21 July Alan: You've got this thing about people watching you, haven't you..? - Mike: No.. Just Christmas trees..
Mon 18 July Alex: Unfortunately I've not been in the habit of keeping regular backups of my bodily organs
Tue 12 July Alex: What's hiding behind the chocolate? Stuart: It appears to be the element of sulphur, which has a tendency to hide behind chocolate. That, and pretty much anything that PeterTaylor does, it would seem.
Fri 8 July Richard: I had something that did something. (realises what he said) Wow, isn't that a statement of... of... something-or-other. (Alex laughs) Well, let it never be said that I... Know what the hell I'm talking about.
Thu 7 July Kenton: [Mike Frisby] apparently has a house, that he's wanting to sell. So we've been told. For all I know he may be planning to pray for a house to sprout up out of the ground to sell...
Tue 5 July
Alex to Rachael, joining a game of Jenga: Feel free to consult with your team-mates if you wish. - Edwin: Poke them all and see which one's loose. - Rachael: What, my team-mates?
Mon20th June Mike: It would be quite distressing if I were able to morph into Stephen. Would he be forced to morph into me? Is personhood a conserved quantity?
Sat18th June Stephen: How do you make an elastic band out of a sheep? - Rachael: You stretch it. Lots. - Stephen: And you say I'm evil! You bizarre sheep-stretchers you!
Mon13th June Alex: I should hold a badger-poking party. - Mike: Would anybody except Stephen come? - Alex: Oh, I think I know a few who would. You forget what my friends are like...
Alex to MTG: Ornate Kanzashi: No! You can try to take yourself seriously - but you're a hairpin!
Fri10th June Douglas: Can you prove that I'm a pedant?
Jacqueline: I need to decide whether I should be getting serious with Ady, or whether I should be investigating some other PhD students - Alex: PhD students?! - Jacqueline: Well, I'm living in Cambridge, who else is there?
Sat4th June Nagi: Unfortunately I don't know any evil overlords to throw minions at me, so I just have to keep dealing with the stupidity of the general public!
Thu2nd June Alan: Can I get you some lettuce? - Mike: You can but I'm not going to use it for any quotable purposes!
Sat28th May Whistway: Our new neigbour has some issues... He likes to steal our parcels. He got a box of earplugs the other day... - Rachel: About 50 earplugs! - Whistway: We decided to just let him keep them, because after all, he does live next door to us...!
Fri 27th May Richard A, pointing at Malcolm in shorts: Look at that, legs on show! It's not just excessively informal dress, it's unnecessary body parts on show! - Malcolm: My legs are extremely necessary thank you!
Thu 26th May Kenton: I'm not married, I haven't got any children, and [in a surprised tone] I haven't even got any grandchildren!
Tue 24th May Morag: [Compared with the characters in her webcomic,] Insects just don't have the angst factor, and besides, aren't half so cute. Except maybe for the mosquito pupa... ^^;;
Requiem: Pi: A measure of the likely future of the universe (for people doing general relativity with very long rulers)
Mon 23th May Mike: Your mission should you choose to accept it is to build a chocolate android, and a device to inspect its dreams to test this theory!
Mike: In most people's houses if you leave bread around too long, it goes mouldy. In Alex's house it turns into beautifully foil wrapped chocolate sheep! - Alex: I think it started off foil wrapped...
Thu 19th May Stephen: How dare you put a volcano next to my house: you're stealing all my magma! ... - Mike (later): What game was this in? - Alex: No game...
Kenton: I hack code for a living - I wouldn't call myself a SoftwareEngineer?
Tue 17th May Dom: I must say, saliva wasn't my idea...
Mike: Your shower may be a pot plant, but I'm positive mine isn't! Well, nearly... - Alan: You need to check... you obviously have a strange shower...
Sat 14th May Stoo: Doess anyone want any more grissini? - Alex and Liam: Not any more... - Jacqueline, outraged by this: What are you saying about my breasts?!
Jacqueline: Yeah, I don't mind. Um, what did you say?
Fri 13th May Dan Morgan, preaching: We also have the Dead Sea Scrolls which you perhaps know about, having been found by some Bedouin
Thu 12th May Joy to Laura: You're coming back to Cambridge? - Laura: Yeah. - Anita to Laura: Does your fiancé live in London? - Laura: No, he lives in Manchester... - Anita to Laura: So why are you getting married in London? - Steve: Because she was born in Dublin...?
Mon 9th May Matthew: In Kenya-- - Mike: You get vegetables growing inside your computers? - Matthew: Not quite, but nearly...
Tue 3rd May Alex: I want to set up Lack of Growth Hormone Ltd
Thu28th April Rachael: I bought myself a Coke and went and sat by the pond and drank it
Mon25th April Alex: Only in Alex's house would the bathroom be a MagicTheGathering deck with 15 sideboard cards...
Sat23rd April Alex: I was going to say that the BBC? seem to be the principal source of weather information for the British Public, whereas I don't think Matthew's body is...
Nia: My definition of influential will be: How many times does Mark Ashton [vicar of StAG] use it in a sermon?
David B: Rather than poking badgers with excess sugar, which would be a bad idea
Alex: If my fingers are purely imaginary then so is my arm
Nia: There's rules to stealing teddies: you can't pull them by their ears!
Alex: Genetically modified yeast, that grows into pineapple
Jacqueline to her boyfriend: I don't know if we'd have struck up true love if we'd met in a toilet
Ady: I made underpants when I was at MIT - Jacqueline: Electronic ones?
Wed20th April Dave: Would a vampire cat? get furballs?
Tue19th April Jacqueline: I thought a tree gun might be a special gun for shooting at the trees
Mon18th April Jeremy: You only get £200 for those things though, don't you? Which is worth knocking your head on a door for, but not throwing your car in a river... [Context: YouveBeenFramed? video submissions]
Tue6th April Jacqueline: I knew it would be something to do with me... Some pesto on top of a Bible had to be something to do with me
Mon5th April Alex: I'm thinking I'll become that squirrel, although that one and that one are very cute as well
Sun4th April Rachael (unintentionally): We ought to define it. Otherwise we might not define it, and then it'd be undefined Rachael (not unintentionally): Everything I say is either a tautology or not
4th April: David Coak We're going to be talking about the grace to keep from not sinning
Thu31st March Rachael: "Right, son, you're going away from home for the first time: there are some things I've got to teach you... like object-oriented programming!"
27th March (Easter Sunday) Kenton: Eternal Hell... that's about as subtle as a brick in your mouth
Kenton: I could get some brave volunteers to stand up here, and I could execute these unfortunate people with my 3000 volt electrical frazzler ... But luckily it turns out that I don't have to execute anyone here on Sunday morning
Thu24th March DrawingGuy: I wan't some cheese... without any apostrophes... they taste bad :(
DrawingGuy: I have thousands of images of glue and when no-one's looking, I sniff the pics
(the rest of March's quotes lost to a PresidentEvil internal data crash)
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