NokkyQuotes/2006

(Forward to /2007) (Back to /2005)
22nd Dec:
Rachael to Richard: How can you be scared of heights? You live in the attic!
- Vic: Ah, but he closes his eyes...

Mon 6 Nov:
StuartFraser: A CVS that would let you arrange for people to be eaten by a sandwurm would sell better, I think.

Wed 1 Nov:
Serge: Every samurai anime contains mecha

Sun 29 Oct:
Nick Green (preaching): You know your efforts are about as effective as me bending over and trying to pull myself up by my... non-existent bootlaces, because I'm not wearing lace-up shoes.

Thu 26 Oct:
Elaine, pointing at a leaflet featuring a picture of Joy's hand: Oh, is that a real hand?
- Joy: Of course it's a real hand, it's my hand!
- Elaine (entirely seriously): It doesn't really look like a hand to me, it looks like a picture of a hand...

Elaine: I find drinking a cup of tea when it's freshly brewed nice and comforting.
- Alex: Ah, how comforting, having my internals scalded!
- Steve: Yes, the comfort of feeling my śsophagus sizzling...

Mon 9 Oct:
Alex: I don't think they've installed firemen's poles up Ben Nevis, although... you never know...

Serge: I'm keeping my finger very near the big red button
- Vitenka: Which big red button? You have so many!
- Serge: I have many fingers!

Wed 27 Sep:
Douglas to Dave: You have filled my shoes with toffees. Should I thank you or curse you?

Vitenka: No, that would mean his bath curtain is a vampire. Which seems unlikely.
- Morag: Quote!
- Alex: It seems a perfectly reasonable utterance to me. I'd think it is indeed unlikely that someone's bath curtain is a vampire.
- Los: I'm a bath curtain vampire! I enfold you in my folds and suck the moisture from you!

Mon 18 Sep 06:
ChrisHowlett: [12:58] And who says that the compiler is in /this/ universe?

Wed 6th Sep 06:
Serge: You just have an upside-down umbrella, and make it in the shape of a cat

Sun 20 Aug 06:
Kate to Steve, who's eating a JellyBaby: Are you eating its face? (Steve nods) You couldn't just eat it like a normal person...
- Alex: So how do you eat normal people then, Kate?

Monday 24 July:
Matthew Ford: Hmm... I'm getting emails from myself every hour saying that my computer is unable to moo. It seems that I have to be logged in at the terminal, otherwise I don't have write access to the sound card.

Fri 14 July:
Vitenka: [10:10] start by deciding what you arne't. Then you're whatever is left.
ChrisHowlett: [10:13] Alternatively, form a hypothesis on what you are. Then see whether everything that isn't that thing, isn't you.

Mon 3rd July:
Mike to Alex: Your floor eats other floors! Your floor is a cannibal floor!

Mike: "Out of socks - time to go home!"

Tue 20 June:
Whistway: I must pass on my aquatic apologies to you, as unfortunately I will be unable to grab a large herring between my knees and dance the macarena whilst whistling the theme from the teletubbies. Perhaps more importantly, I will be unable to attend Alex's fish party.

Sat 19 Jun:
Alex: No, not to death. You could probably knock someone out with a fish, but not bludgeon them to death...

Thu 15 Jun:
Kate: You wouldn't be able to do anything without chocolate, really, because you'd just be lying there wanting chocolate...

Tue 13 June:
ChrisHowlett: [11:25] I wonder how many kings historically have been able to do [FFT]?

S?: [16:26] Hindu brand management has not been as well-controlled as the nazis

Sat 10 June:
AlanRoberts: I just have this thing about tying knots in crisp packets!

Mike: [A cow] didn't look interested in chocolate
- Alex: How can you tell? Do they have two lamps, a green one and a red one? A green one that lights up "Chocolate" and a red one that lights up "Not interested in chocolate"?

Wed 7 June:
Alex: So are you proposing that...
- Edwin: That JarJarBinks? is a vampire who travels around sucking incompetence?

Tue 6 June:
Alex S: I don't know what it is about cats, but you know the way they fly into places, and fly out of places...
- Vitenka: No, that's birds...

Sun 28 May:
Nick Green preaching at CityChurchCambridge: ChrisTarrant?, who for purely temporary purposes of this preach only, is a bit like the Devil figure

Thu 25 May:
Vitenka: [11:56] you know you're dozy when you start multiplying vectors by coffee-cients

Wed 24 May:
Vitenka: You mean your DVD player doesn't have a "skip to magnificent arrogance and nose" button?

Tue 23 May:
Peter: I've never seen any dead cheese walk away from a mousetrap

Mon 22 May:
hart: [08:55] Trees are fairly heroic, aren't they? In a sort of laissez-faire ruler way?

Matt: I don't think caffeine can be considered a vitamin, unless of course you're Serge

Fri 19 May:
AlexChurchill: [13:13] So the NeoPet? has to have lots of study of doughnuts?
ChrisHowlett: [13:16] Yes. Although you may aid in the study, and may teach the NeoPet? directly if your Doughnut level is higher than that of the NeoPet?.

Wed 17 May:
ChrisHowlett: [13:06] I meant to find an invisible mountain

Fri 5 May:
MoonShadow: [10:48] Brioche!
ChrisHowlett: [10:50] No, MoonShadow, that's a cakey bread. Not an RTS
MoonShadow: [10:54] CH: I disagree. Maximising one's stock of brioche is a very strategic pastime, in which every second matters

ChrisHowlett: [11:20] "Oh dear," said Alice, "I seem to have eaten the white rabbit's waistcoat. It was so very tasty. Whatever shall I do?"
(see AliceInWonderland for continuation of this thread...)

Thu 4 May:
Alan: I'm suprised Alex hasn't appointed jelly babies as ushers. A whole array of them...

Mon 1 May:
Mike: Hopefully [a DVD was] not bootlegged?
- Alex: No, it's a genuine one from a con

Thu 27th Apr:
ChrisHowlett: [10:21] (For those wondering at my sanity, it's Welsh)
... - Mike: Or is he claiming that his sanity is in fact a carrot?

Sun 16th Apr:
Vic: We used to have a coffee grinder, but... It melted.
- <people laugh>
- Vic: "Cap'n, the engines canna' take it!"
- Alex: A coffee-powered spaceship. Somehow that seems so... right.
- Ant: It doesn't really go anywhere, it just bounces around!
- Vic: Hyper-drive!

Tue 11th Apr:
Neil: In this game, unlike in real life, I'm a cynical, money-grabbing... quintuplet

Mon 10th Apr:
Mike: You appear to be in danger of the rules of grammar going "ping!"

Alex: I had a parrot safety-pinned to my shoulder.
- Matt: Ouch.

Alex: It'll be my responsibility to...
- Mike: Wear it? I can just see Alex in a 22-foot dress!

Tue 28 Mar:
David B: If you want to make a phone call, the best thing to do is to stick yourself to the ceiling.

Mon 20 Mar:
Alex: I had mental images of these leaves with angry faces standing there going "Oi! You!"

Thu 16 Mar:
Steve: If you look at the biscuit lustfully, you are guilty of getting fat

Steve: When Josie was in our group, she used to live on cheese sandwiches!
- Elaine: She lived in France for a year, though, so she's probably advanced beyond that now...
- Steve: She'll have moved on to Camembert baguettes!

Mon 13 Mar:
Alex: The book suggested you could use cooked spaghetti as brains

Mon 6 Mar:
Mike: I'd like a cup of MorningtonCrescent, please

Fri 3 Mar:
Vitenka: [11:26] Hey! My toothyracoon became a lightning iguana whilst I wasn't looking.

Thu 2 Mar:
ChrisHowlett: [14:40] It snows here too
- ChrisHowlett: [14:42] ...and it stops again
- ChrisHowlett: [16:15] It snows again
- ChrisHowlett: [16:23] ...and it stops again
- Senji: [16:24] Sounds like you're getting good-weather-lacunae
- Senji: [16:25] "Lacuna Matata"
- ChrisHowlett: [16:26] Oh dear. How can you live with yourself?
- Vitenka: [16:27] He puns until the brain dies
- Senji: [16:27] It's a problem-free philosophy

Wed 1 Mar:
Dave: So you're going to freeze to death!
- Douglas: No, I'm going to freeze and be alive!

Mon 27 Feb:
Mike: The Pig of Happiness, with lots of hair

Mike: Is [this pizza] fossilised?
- Alex: It was made of jelly to begin with
- Mike: That's not the usual definition of fossilised...

Sun 19 Feb:
Hoshi-Chan: Yes meta tags are best way to get cats to wee on comand.

Fri 17 Feb:
Senji: Bah, RoyalMail crashed my Seaaardvark
(and similarly, a few days later)
ChrisHowlett: BabelFish killed my Spaceadder.

Wed 15 Feb:
ChrisHowlett: I'd be worried if my copy of Windows was running on an orange-striped lizard

Thu 9 Feb:
ChrisHowlett: I'm in Enfield
--Vitenka: That's not a real place. That's a comedian.

Senji: Kazuhiko: when did you start having timestamps?
--Kazuhiko: It's an affliction I've been suffering from lately. I keep meaning to go to the doctor about it but haven't had time.

Wed 8 Feb:
Kazuhiko: Mass-battles of giant ascii-art ninjas wielding pointy whiteboard throwing stars? What more could you ask for?

Mon 6 Feb:
Alex: I hate it when your food's nose grows just when you're trying to eat it

Sun 5 Feb:
Nick Green: It is of course not usual practice to hide a light with a metal waste bin, unless perhaps you're using it in a sermon illustration - probably the only valid reason for doing it

Sat 28 Jan
Susan: Lightsabres aren't actually geeky if you just hit people with them!

Thu 19 Jan:
Steve: Rachael is usually quite good, for sock-based entertainment

Mon 9 Jan:
Alex: I wouldn't like to lay claim to *all* weirdness...

David: Did you know, female humans are stripy and men aren't?

Tue 3 Jan:
Jacqueline: [A screenplay] does have maths in it! Well, it has a dice in it...

Sun 1 Jan:
Will: I /have/ made a deck of cards out of flapjack.