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17.2.02
helen: The Orthodox guy's a bit dodgy: he has a beard... acr33 re gaec2's hair: "Long and curly" is a polite way of saying "mad and everywhere" lej26: Alex is Father Christmas lej26: Is anything truly random in life? - gaec2 and sdm29 simultaneously: Yes. - mjcp2: Me! mjcp2: [taking a jelly-baby] I think I might assault the old bag again acr33: Don't try and kill me with my brain! acr33: Milan's laughing at my door... seb31 to mpj23: Your curls should have been a listed building!
~gaec2: "Hi, I'm Pauline [pronounced Paul-een] Lettuce" - acr33: Why am I marrying a Pauline [pronounced Paul-eye-n] lettuce?! acr33: I don't think people deliberately go around leaving pencils in potholes. But I could be wrong. sl236 [driving]: I am going to employ the Zen method of navigation crb11: Is there any evidence for God sending messages inside edible things? mark: Ian has problems retaining control of his orange mark: Chicken can count as vegetables under certain circumstances mcv21: I think Debbie might object if I whacked you round the head with Patrick mark: One of the nice things about Usenet is that you get to win arguments with well-known people debbie: The only way we can know anything is by looking at what *we* know tony: Being a heartless person, I could never understand why they burst into tears when the sums were dished out mark: Hamsters? I don't remember hamsters? - ian: You know, those small animal things... tony: There can't be that many churches in Rhyl - patrick: There can if they're independent - cause then they're disguised as scout huts, and pubs, and... crb11: I think all Christians should be forced to be an atheist for a couple of years, just to see what it looks like from the other side Image:46Image:46 debbie: You can be as rude as you like about American democracy as long as you don't mention George Bush - tony: Is this because the former is dead and the latter isn't?! crb11: I'm offending somebody who no longer exists mcv21: It has lots about zen and not very much about motorcycle maintenance - genie: The first half is about how to repair a motorcycle?! acr33: Have I missed the point? - patrick: No, you've hit a significant weakness in my argument - acr33: Oh, I didn't mean to do that! I just didn't understand you. - patrick: The weakness being that I don't know what I'm talking about gaec2: In the same way that, sortof, "banana", type, does... mcv21: There might not be context, but there'd likely be some skin and bones debbie: It still shows that God isn't *everywhere*, cos you can still smoke outside mark: [speculating on a modern version of The 39 Articles, nailed to a church door] "The 39 Post-It Notes"... mcv21: I've supervised in Veterinary Reproduction Biology - debbie: What do you mean by "supervised", in this context, exactly?! [caption to mark's photo] debbie: The new moderation hat! debbie: He said "I call on everyone to never pay anybody less than £5.80 per week!" [She meant per hour...] mcv21: Maybe there's a black market on urban theology books - debbie: He goes up to people in the pub and says [shiftily] "Hey there, want a copy of 'The Bible in Practice'...?" anony1: I work for "the company formerly known as the Post Office" - anony2: What do you do? - anony1: I drink coffee a lot! - anony3: Do you fix leaking parcels? - anony1: No, that's not our department... that's the Leaking Parcel Department mcv21: I don't feel it's been a proper day unless I've been told I'm not a Christian three times before breakfast mag32: I'm a heretic of the first order - what fun! I know what I'm talking about. Um, sometimes... pam: That's the real divide, isn't it? Those who remember GCSEs, and... [We *think* she meant O-levels...] mcv21: So what do people do, when they're not reading uk.religion.christian or going to work? - four people simultaneously: SLEEP! mark to sl236: We'll delegate you to go for a walk! - crb11: What, substitutionary perambulation? pam: I'll stay too, because I'm going to go. If that makes sense. patrick : We don't want you, we just want your trousers sl236: Face it - Cambridge is one big incestuous *mess*. patrick: I expect people to deduce everything from that webpage - mcv21: "Prove that you can't square the circle, from this URL!" acr33: We need one of those brains to throw around... rob: Fishy and flashy would be different. Floppy and flashy would be the same! mark: All arguments are inherently circular - pam: No they're not! - someone: Define "circular"... debbie: Because the Internet attracts the nutters - I mean, we're all here to prove it - so... mcv21: In Usenet, nobody can hear you... say nothing acr33: I should imagine shell scripts from heaven would be quite fun! crb11: "Evangelical" is "you go to hell if you don't ring bells" gaec2: Ding, dong, clunk! [Context: keeping both bells and beer in your garage...] acr33: I notice you're a bell-ringer. - mcv21: I deny everything! [looks down at the bell-ringing sweater he's wearing] Not very effectively... gaec2: Well you didn't want *little* kids... - mag32: Yes, but I didn't want you either! genie: They're the ones that form over the Caribbean and devastate small villages - acr33: What, butterflies?! - mag32: Yes, there's an evil black butterfly the size of a jumbo jet hovering flapping its wings! david: He's very mild in the way he tells you're wrong... crb11: There's only one way into this place - it's kind of like a tree gaec2: My mum claims to be perfectly normal. - crb11: Most mums do... acr33: I was going to buy a unicorn today and dye it pink. - crb11: Where would one buy a unicorn?! - mag32: At a unicorn store!
15.2.02
nre20: I had triplets one year. Never again. acr33: Did she know the hamster? - mag32: It was her sister mpj23: What did you forget? - zcl21: The house number... - mpj23: [with doh-ish grin] I'd forgotten that! gaec2: I built a Lego hamster to run round the Lego hamster-run
Image:46Image:46 [mpj23's phone rings] - mpj23: Hello? [pause] Forty-two. [pause] Okay, see you soon... [hangs up] - gaec2 and acr33 [simultaneously]: Somebody phoned you up to ask you the meaning of life? acr33: I hit an umbrella, and it turned into an umbrella. This is quite distressing for me.
14.2.02
christine: We'd go out into the real world and say, "Oh, *this* is what people look like!" awr25: CERN [a big European physics research centre] is the 11th dimension...
13.2.02
mag32: Serge, get out of the washing up bowl! rja29: So, if carnivores eat flesh, what do vegetaria... oh... never mind! ant66: Don't mess with Da Tree! dave: FBI warnings, I love FBI warnings! nsg27: I guess heaven is better than a sofa
12.2.02
sdm45: You can't use a mountain for shooting the moon
11.2.02
jrg31: Where did you bark your pike? gaec2: My tomatoes are going to smell of trousers from now on gaec2 [describing a mental image]: A bombed foot T-shirt drawer
10.2.02
acr33: There's something trapped under my eyelid - brsm2: Yeah, it's your eyeball... brsm2: [re: Alex's best man] Maybe it's going to be the Nokia. After all, who knows Alex's life better. acr33: There's this one theologian who has Thunderbird eyebrows jsn23: Excuse me - I'm inflating my red line here sl236: If entity X runs off with entity Y who is relation Z to you... sl236: Putting words in people's mouths is a hobby of mine - jsn23: You must get through Scrabble sets like anyone's business, then... sl236: For Mike, burnt fingers are fulfillment jsn23: Mike, talk to your coffee mug! - sl236: Ah, but can we comb a coffee mug...? lej26: But you can't just make up ancient manuscripts from nowhere! mpj23: Hey I didn't make the first quote of the night - jsn23: But you couldn't have done, cause your hair's too short! mag32: [Serge] is a coffee vampire! ads45: How can you have "the next Robbie Williams"? We haven't used this one up! steve: There was lots of yesterday today, wasn't there? ~acr33: Why is Heather making faces at her feet?
9.2.02
[misheard by pjt33] rae27: Thank You for the fatal proclamation of the gospel! acr33: "What are you thinking?" "I was just repenting for putting banana custard in someone's beef stew" lej26: Mike's had his hair cut so short, we almost couldn't see him acr33: What are you like, Lucy? - lej26: Leaky colostomies. Take it from me, it's not a pretty sight! gaec2: Angela's just squirted warm water at me from a chicken acr33: My Jesus is black and white - he's older than your one!
8.2.02
pjs35: I didn't know mediaeval musicians came in boxes! mpj23: Two of Phil would be very happy if you put the kettle on! gaec2: Dvdi Rowbory, as... an angel? - mpj23: That's Nigerian national garb!! jsn23: Homer Simpson isn't quite as good as Alan Roberts at fluid dynamics dgs26: Nagi, you are a flower arrangement! - jsn23: You romantic, you acr33: I was like "Eek! Ah! Alex is laughing! Fire alarm..." jsn23: I could swear Dilandau [a psychopathic, pyromaniac, merciless anim‚ character] must have tried to quantise gravity. That's the only thing that does that kind of thing to a person! sl236: That was the single most complicated piece of code I wrote - dgs26: This probably didn't help me to understand it jsn23: I'm just a crude animal. Otherwise I'd be able to do equations much better! akh23: Was Peter egg fried? gaec2: That would be such a horrendously evil thing to do - jrg31 [instantly]: Let's do it!
7.2.02
lydia: "Sorry, my patience fruit has fallen off." - christine: "It's fallen on you!" steve gane: That's what Philippe drinks, isn't it, unleaded coffee? steve gane: Thursday the 21st will be being held on Tuesday the 19th
6.2.02
gaec2: Shush - the guy's got big white wings! [anti-D] jsn23: For God's sake, Serge, be a nice kind person, like me! mpj23: Potatoes are good for practising on - [...] jsn23 to mpj23: I'd hope a potato isn't, like, going to be your bride. Otherwise you'll have to get married in America. jsn23: The next person to get a Malteser from the machine would get a wet condom instead. I thought it was a moment of inspiration - gaec2: For a suitable definition of inspiration, yes - jsn23: Well, you wouldn't normally think to do it, would you? - mpj23: NO!!! - jsn23: Well, there you go then. jsn23: Ooh, absolute truth? I can tear people apart with that! - mag32: With Absolute Truth itself? That'd be impressive
4.2.02
~[D] mpj23: We've stopped taking quotes about Alex writing in the phone, because they'd be too defining [misheard by mpj23] rja29: Dress sense - including but not limited to Thailand[Actually: ...not limited to tie length] mpj23: It'd be heading for "Too magenta" - which would be silly. - gaec2: I don't know. It'd be quite purple... - rja29: But not purple enough! mpj23: So what you're saying is, you have a poem on your shelf written by half an alien? mpj23: Who's the person on the left? Other than the world's most loveliest stunningest girlfriend? - rja29: Oh, that's just some random alien
3.2.02
gaec2: My reaction on hearing a human voice isn't to reach out and switch it off. - acr33: Good!! gaec2: From some points of view I guess I'm masculine mpj23: Are you suggesting dairy doesn't feature in the Eurovision Song Contest? mpj23: For good or ill, I think Henry VIII had the most influence - acr33: Pants! - mpj23: No, it was him himself, not his pants, that had the influence nok14: Sometimes I get weird dreams. I dream of being a little Nokia mobile telephone. My therapist tells me it's false memory syndrome, and that I am really a Psion Series 3 organiser, but deep inside I am convinced I was adopted. acr33: Morag's captured your brother for evil purposes! - gaec2: So what's new... ant66: That's just silly! - gaec2: What is? - ant66: He's talking about mango cancers. - gaec2: Well, I did ask... lep: The wonders of capitalism - being charged 70p for a can that says 39p on it gaec2: Look for the caption "I have to steal thy soul" - lep: That'll be you with an entirely normal expression, then? japanese canned drink of tea: "Sunlight and mist turn a young leaf into tea. Tea can turn you into something new. Tea. A natural gift of love." mpj23: Alex, you've already tried to steal Serge's soul when he wasn't looking. You're not going to steal mine while I am! sl236: As the train leaves the tunnel, all the passengers turn into Wombles dgs26: I wasn't able to cross the bridge before, because this guy was a tree gaec2: An entire shop worth of Morag-coloured clothes! mag32: I'm not made of metal, and I don't have a roof! acr33 to sl236: Oh no - you're going to exchange me for a blue-haired boy, aren't you?
2.2.02
~brsm2: Kneel down and pray to that doughnut! gaec2: "The Original Pasta Source - not tested on animals!" acr33 to mpj23: You'd be the only pumpkin I've ever seen with big blond hair acr33: There's emergencies going on in Mike's pocket that we know nothing about! [His mobile dials 999 without him meaning to] mpj23: I'm not turning into a corporate bigwig, no matter what my hair may be hinting nre20: If you threw him very far, he'd go a bit further jsn23: I'm not convinced that Mathematics is Reality - in fact, I'm convinced it isn't! gaec2: So, does Quantum Mechanics exist? - jsn23: Oh, now that's a deeper question... [misheard by awr25] gaec2 to sl236: I had a bit of a poke around inside your crypt [Actually: ... in sci-dot-crypt] mpj23: "Leaves on the line" are a valid excuse if they're still attached to the tree mpj23: Why are you clutching a tube of glue? - gaec2: Because I'm practising to be an alien
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