ec2-3-145-15-205.us-east-2.compute.amazonaws.com | ToothyWiki | NokkyQuotes | RecentChanges | Login | Webcomic ( Back to /September2002 )( Up to NokkyQuotes )( Forward to /November2002 ) Rating system in use. Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing. If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor. If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol. Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of. Those with several ~s may at some point be removed. Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with " ~~ " is more informative than if it had no markings.
Thu31.10.02
matthew f (NOT alan): What? Didn't you know there were cows in King's College Chapel?
matthew f: I don't think national speed limits should be converted into gigaelectronvolts per kilogram.
~ peter: What's so abstract about saying cow-pats??
kenton: Cilla Black!? Definitely in the same category as picking your nose!
lawrence: I almost wish I had been a trick-or-treater, now
alex: I think Peter's perfectly happy sitting there dressed as a Soviet soldier, irrespective of whether anyone *else* sees him...
Wed30.10.02
mike: The shadow of the cat looks like a giant flopping tadpole - alex [giggling]: Quote... - morag: It's not that funny really. Although maybe that's because I'm hearing it in context and it really does look exactly like a giant flopping tadpole
morag: Maybe you have a humanityectomy when you become a boss
morag to alex: You should have a proper dinner party! With popcorn and candy floss! Mmmm...
Tue29.10.02 (Purple Fluffday to Angela...)
matthew f: Once the Computing Service told me off for checking my website hits on [a university-provided server] several hundred times a second, which was an accident
~alex: Mike with a white fluffy beard! Where's my camera? - susan: Is that quotable? - alex: No, of course not! It seems like a perfectly normal reaction to seeing Mike with a white fluffy beard, to me
mike: Alan, put Nokky down; you two are a menace!
mike: Now I've got hilbert on the brain; that's not a cow that's alex's computer
alan: It's best not to ask questions about vegetables, it's much safer.
alan: But marmalade's not really a vegetable!
[Caption to photo 1 or 2] angela: i didn't think it was anything at first, I thought it was just your hair.
susan: Mike, are you a fish? - mike: No... should I be?
susan: We're going to lose [this board game], aren't we? [against tom] - sally: No, we're more purple than he is
angela: It doen't bother me what Saddam Hussein does. Well... his table manners don't bother me, anyway...
jill: It obviously wasn't a very powerful power cut
mike: For some reason, people always look dubious when I deny that I intended to make a pun
Mon28.10.02
alex: I remember lots of weird things Nick's said, but that doesn't mean I remember them
alex: He's got that supermarket presenter's cheesy grin! ... ...[puzzled look creeps across his face as he wonders what he just said]
mike: Oh, I'm so glad my whole room is bolted to the wall
mike: She also has the handicap of having random vegetables flying past her head
mike: It [mike's conversation] is mostly random background noise, with occasional flashes of meaning.
alex: What's funny is that Mike hasn't heard of the Tokyo Tower's decorative feet
anime character: If I can't destroy you, I'll absorb you! - mike: The cry of the Alan!
dave: Well, if you can't nuke someone in subspace, where can you nuke them?
dave to animé character: And stop using mobile phones in the middle of the 1970s!
stuart: I am thoroughly ashamed that I have no fluffy purple animals that I could throw at Angela and thus I will purchase one tomorrow (Chemistry practical allowing) - mike: I've never met a chemistry practical that would ban anyone from purchasing a fluffy purple animal either
mike [musing on the way words are said in cold blood]: Why can't words ever be said in hot chocolate? It'd make the world a much nicer place...
mike: Is it my imagination, or has Nokky started developing a personality in parallel with the cows? - alex: [pause] "Quote!" [another pause] And... "what?"
mike: So Nokky's not advanced very far in his studies of the Greek language, then? - alex: Well, if he has, he isn't letting me know about it...
zoë: Cows are merely domesticated animals. Sheep are a picture of Jesus and the Church.
zoë: See, you can barely hear me typing. - alan: That's because you're not typing...
alex: Don't try to license teddy bears as Razor-Toothed Wild Animals for kill purposes
Sun27.10.02
mike: I think we should save the daylight in the summer, using solar cells, and then use it in the winter
rob: Mike's going to blackmail me if he doesn't get to mend my bike
alex: It's the return of the warthog! - alex, chris, yves and nadège: Dum dum DUUUUUM!
alex: You could choose to sacrifice your own creature and have it deal 5 damage to you - yves: Yes, I could. Strategically, not a very good option....
chris: It has to be done - yves: But that's no excuse..
philippe: The interesting thing about being baptised is, they go into the water, but they come back up again
Sat26.10.02
morag: I don't have a problem with mice, I just have a problem with them jumping out of my bin
jill: Let's not be sizeist here: it's a plastic bag...
~nathaniel: It wasn't exactly an accident, but it was certainly strange...
jill: My bike's not in the land of the living. It's in a bizarre state of purgatory known as my parent's garage...
Fri25.10.02
mike: So how would you tell if a sheep had a sense of humour? - ben: Tell it a joke and see if it laughs. - mike: Oh, yes...
Thu24.10.02
~andrew to his wife zuza: I got you some Viennese biscuits and some cigarettes... yes, I'm trying to get you fat and kill you
elaine: They're starting Mum's & Toddlers at City Church, aren't they? - steph: Yes - next week. - steve: Peter, it's you, isn't it?
~alan: A woodpecker might want to put a keyboard in a tree... then he could have home internet access... - or are you discriminating against net-enabled woodpeckers? - mike: *patient, have-to-get-this-over-with voice* No, Alan, I'm not discriminating against woodpeckers with a net connection.
Wed23.10.02
alex re coleslaw and vitamin C: They're secretly sneaking some in. The stealth Vitamin C brigade.
lorna: What's your surname? - emily: Clarke, C-L-A-R-K-E. But it's spelled without the E...
serge to nagi: If you lost weight, you'd be one of those... - alex: Evil thin guys!
matthew b: Sometimes I just sit in my chair at home, [makes reading-a-book motion with left hand] reading a book with one hand, and... [making whipping motions with right hand]
matthew f: I'm talking to Alan with the other ear
brad: We should choose a small number of targets - a small and *finite* number of targets...
Tue22.10.02
chris to douglas: You might do better to make the ultimate sacrifice, and turn yourself into lots of little food pellets
alex: Abi, how would you feel about having all traces of you removed by a soup-wide accident? - chris: Like some salt...
chris to louise: Can I ask a question as to why it's your stomach that's thinking "E=mc^2"?
alex: I'm sensing the... way the wind is blowing. - chris [incredulously]: You're in some soup!!!
douglas: Rather than a serial killer, you go round being pedantic. - chris: Rather than eating cornflakes...
stuart: My ability to eat myself is probably not that useful
alex: I will not be utterly decadent and just scoop up goo and eat it [Note: the context to this is *not* the Primordial Soup Amoeba game, which gave rise to five of the quotes above; the context to this is instead Robinson College Canteen...]
alan: Don't you find the letter s is so profound?
Mon21.10.02
mike: Is that your tickle shield? - rob [clutching waterproof coat]: Yes... it's my tickle shield... I fear it's not very effective though. It has some vulnerabilities.. - mike: Spot the compsci...
mike re rob's waterproof: Rob's mac - of the cagoule kind, not the computery kind - rob: There are some things you don't know about my coat...
rob: Disembodied Lucy...! *giggle* - alan: So is Lucy actually disembodied? Or was he referring to a hypothetical Lucy? And if Lucy is disembodied, what is the Lucy now?
Sun20.10.02 (SPEAK, Jo, to confuse Angela)
nagi: It's the tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt that stop me being naked, not the WinMX? window
angela: Whoops. I just dragged 2008 into 2009.
angela: There was this guy called David, and this guy called Dan, who I get confused because they've both got hair
random stranger in coffeeshop to alex: Excuse me. Do you believe in the square root of twelve? - alex: Ummm... ah... well, I believe it exists... - stranger: Do you know what it is?
peter: You'd think that out of a church of 300 people, *someone* would be going to Bristol
Sat19.10.02 (Endless Draft at Rob's house)
chris: I take it Angela's shoes aren't quotable?
angela: Stuart, what's your first name? [Giggle! ...But there's also a funny response...] - stuart: Unfortunately, it's Iain... [This is both true and entertaining... but the response was also bizarre:] - angela: Why is it Iain?
(and [D] Sally) chris: I'll be in trouble from Sally. - angela: What happens if you get in trouble from Sally? - chris: Well, she... looks... cutely... at you. - angela: Hmm, I'm going to have to try this
angela: Awww, I can't even make a quote without being quoted - alex: Quote! - angela: See?
alex: Obviously the knife doesn't want me infiltrating too much orange juice into your fridge
dave: What I love is for animé characters, the size their contact lenses must be
peter: The concept of somebody wandering up to a genetically modified hamster and stealing its wallet is... - alex: Quotable?
Thu17.10.02
alan: Does that mean minerals near Jesus College are Jesuits?
rob: I kill Mike frequently
rob: Please don't make any more trigonometrical puns, cos it's sinful [If there was an image representing "the quotes Alex considers the most awful, painful puns", this would have got one... but there isn't, so Rob can have a star instead :)]
mike [pointing at the house computer]: That is quite blatantly not a pizzeria, Alan. I think you're very confused.
zoë: But you're weird even compared to Cambridge students. - alan: But other Cambridge students don't talk to cows... [Alan seems to think this makes him *less* weird in comparison!]
alan re zoë: Can we just get her some "mmm" earplugs?
~ alan: You haven't learnt "mmm" yet, you'll have to practice
alan: You mean that plaster doesn't come out of the tap? Nor china?
alan: For that reason, maybe I ought to buy [my PhD supervisor] a large vegetable for Christmas.
richard a: What's the problem with a computer having 2^8 serial ports? - alex: Mwahaha! I shall rule the world from my serial ports! - tish: Serial megalomania...
brad [re what automotive corporation owns Pi Electronics]: Pi are Ford? - alex: No, Pi are squared...
dave m: Let me tell you what's going on in the rest of the world... or in the rest of the building, anyway
Wed16.10.02
alex: Either the walls or the neighbours are either thick or nice [Explaining why nobody complained about the noise...]
morag: Ohh, sneezing while holding a full cafetière is such a bad idea!
morag: Maria, you're still connected to Cambridge by a variety of weird ties that you'd long since forgotten about
Tue15.10.02
alex: Serge officially has the snazziest pants.
angela: I made no reference to what I was referring to [- serge: That sounds suspiciously like one of the bugs I fixed today]
alex: Who stole Ed's Pants? - morag: We don't do thinking. - angela: I did... [She refuses to confirm which statement hers was a response to!]
stuart: I think I shall play conventionally, because I'm feeling strange today
serge: If apples aren't a [chess] piece, they ought to be...
lucy: Why should men have a monopoly on evil? [On the topic of should theologians refer to Satan as "she"... ;-) ]
mike to rob: I was going "hmm" to your imaginary voice. - [...] - mike: So does your imaginary voice often talk to Nokky?
Mon14.10.02
mike: Just because they send email from your account doesn't mean they're the cows that are pictured in your calendar
liz: It'll be Alan, Mike or Josh, or some combination thereof
alex [on seeing kidney beans]: Nyawgh! - mike: Do you always make a motorbike-revving sound when you see kidney beans? - alex: Only when I'm feeling... [tries to think of a funny comeback]... particularly... ... ...[fails]... revved... up. - [...] - alex [on seeing tomato purée]: 'Mato purée! [Then, to the tune of "Oh my darling Clementine"] 'Mato pu-rée, 'mato pu-rée, 'mato purée... ...um ... clementine... - mike: I see... you make a rev ving sound when you see kidney beans, and you sing a silly song when you see tomato purée... - [...] - alex [on seeing cheese]: Nyawwrgh! - mike: You've got it wrong. That's your kidney beans noise, not your cheese noise. - alex [vehemently]: Cheese noise! Cheese noise! - mike to alex: That's not original. Going "cheese noise" for your cheese noise isn't original. - alex: Have you ever heard anyone *else* do it??
mike: It's possibly not a good plan... to randomly go round eating everything...
Sun13.10.02
alex: Let's see if my bread is as immortal as it was last time
jeremy: I don't have anything funny or witty to say. Have some plates.
milan: These cloth are migrating around underneath me and I can't see them
stephen: Welcome to the Walt Disney's Jungle Book State Penitentiary
toby: It's possible to get *too* excited about Greek phonemes
nathan to alex: What subject did you do? - alex: Maths... - josie: You can tell from the hair
josie: I will not be fit for any human interaction except going over to my friend Becky's and hugging her furry cushion
Sat12.10.02
bobacus: I should buy a Mr Flibble puppet... "You've been abusing the network. Mr Flibble's very angry!"
alan: I don't eat zoo animals... I talk to them.. belly's the one that eats them!
ben: Rhinos don't compress as well as other files
rob to mike: [Your hair] sometimes look curled up in a dead-protein-like way
angela: "I'm not a phone, I'm not legitimate, I'm not even a computer - I'm a sponge!"
alex: Angela can make coconut sounds with her mouth
stephen: You're not Angela! You're an imposter! - angela: You're right, I'm not! I'd better go!
alex to mike: I'm assuming that just because you've got one glove on a hand, that won't stop you from trying to put another one on it
alex: It's me speaking in capital letters, accidentally upside-down. [Explaining how Alex could say "WE" meaning to say "ME"... W is M upside-down!]
alex: Oh, I forgot to loot myself.
mike: Let's get this straight - you just came out of a library with a green, a blue, an orange and a purple sheep? Which library? - angela: Criminology! [...] - mike to peter t [accusingly]: You forgot the purple sheep!
alex: If I get pecked to death by a thrush, I'll be irritated. [Well, duh...]
alex: The people who live in three [spatial] dimensions, from which group I'm temporarily discounting myself...
alex: I'm sure that if we lived in five dimensions, we'd think there was something special about 5.
mike: The bread is mainly bread, this is why it's called bread...
mike to alex: I was wondering why you felt the need to feel my sock, as if to check it were real
Fri11.10.02 [Jo's birthday housewarming party]
ashleigh: I wasn't there when we officially got married
jack: I have "Probability + Measure" [lecture in the morning]. Do you think having a hangover will make me understand it *less*?
jenny c: I'm a 26p tin of Tesco's baked beans
[misheard by justin] person: Justin, you're a lightsabre [Actually: "You're a lifesaver"]
marissa: You want to throw oil at my father over the Atlantic Ocean? How sweet!
angela: ...rather than talking about gravity and power and other things that only exist in yellow and green...
angela: "Daily Bread" is a good name for a shop. It's better than "Our Trespasses", anyway..
Is this a referrence to a real shop? Because there is one in Northampton... does loads of fair trade stuff, has done for the past 25 years or more. --FR
(PeterTaylor) There's one in or near Cambridge too.
susan to alex, complaining: You're not an aerial!
susan to alex: Ah, can I get you to come and stare at our upstairs phone?
matthew: That was a very strange noise you made - alex: Ah yes, that was probably due to being in Robinson [It was!! *innocentlook*]
serge: This would rather remove the debate, since everyone left would agree, not reply or both
~ mike: I suggest we not stereotype anyone but Evangelicals
Thu10.10.02
josh: The inhabitants [of mike's house] aren't normal either - alan: Nor are the human ones...
angela: Haha, I sound dead impressive even if I'm speaking rubbish...
alex [scared]: Whoa, I'm engaged to a theologian! - angela: Aww, it's OK, I'm a criminologist now...
angela: I don't find you pretending to be a mobile phone is at all attractive.
~elaine: They've got a child, or something, haven't they? - [...] - Well, when you have a child, you do sometimes wonder *what* they are...
hazel: Just fill up a water pistol with the Holy Spirit, it'll be fine!
kenton: I did have a sheet, but I spilled coffee on it... and then lost it...
elaine: You don't like to pounce on people too much, do you... *No*, Kenton, you *don't*...
peter: Maybe this implies I ought to change my sleeping habits a bit, just to get in sync with the time zone of the country I'm living in
nokky: After all, isn't a friend just someone who has too much blackmail information on you to be an enemy?
Wed9.10.02
morag: I would cry "Quote!", but I won't... for fear of sounding like Mike...
alex: It's worrying the way Nagi nods his head and squeaks...
dave: I must admit, I'd spent the entire afternoon thinking myself into the mindset of "I am the most superior, arrogant b******d in the entire world"!
nagi: Is this yours, Serge? - serge: Yes, I think it is... - nagi: Yeah, I thought it might be: one) it's made of black suede, and two) it's got cat hairs all over it
~ dave: The sudden realisation that you're standing in a building entirely made out of paper... "Aaagghhh!!"
~ morag: Maybe genes go on holiday over the summer, or something
alan: I will try sailing my TV screen tonight and see what happens
~ alan: I wonder what would happen if one varnished bellies.. it would make them more weather resistant I guess!
~ alan: Running cars on food-preparation materials is heretical as far as belly is concerned - [...] - alan: Belly rejects the idea that he is a cult. Belly just has a gift for food consumption.
Tues8.10.02
alex: I lose my chicken! - [applause from everyone around the table]
jill: Beethoven is obviously distinguished, but who ever said "I want to give Beethoven a cuddle?"
alex: I've never seen shotguns getting married, so I don't know how long it takes.
stuart: I have a monster in hand but it's a potted plant.
tom: Does anyone have two hands free and want a huge rock?
abi [playing a role-playing card game]: I'm in a permanent state of confusion. - alex: This is not due to a card, I ought to clarify...
abi: It's this constant stream of consciousness, except it's Sally's consciousness, so it's that much funnier...
sally: I brought back half a punt pole I found in the river!
~ chris: I'm changing sex!!
sally: Where are you from? - david: Cornwall! - sally: That's not a Cambridge college!
alan: I think it is VERY interesting to speculate about the relationship between the Great Nokky of Quotedom and the fuzzy haired Alexcreature...
mike: Alan, you're getting Alex and Nokky muddled up again. It's quite simple. Alex is the tall one with the hair, Nokky is the short one with the screen.
angela: There are some things that might excite me greatly - like Psychopathy and Violent Offending
jenny: The only times he was in a pub was when he was working
alan: Cows are very good at calculating pseudo-parabolic paths and resent the idea of themselves 'randomly falling'
susan: So nerr, I'm more confused than you are!
alan: I was about to say I think Nokky should give Alex a neural net. - susan: Then Nokky might turn into a beautiful woman, which Angela wouldn't like [nokky: While Nokky wouldn't be entirely averse to the concept, he might prefer to retain his telephonic form. It's not so easy to type quotes into a beautiful woman.]
mike to alan: So you weren't indicating you'd forgotten your head then?
susan: It may be that me and Anne and people decide to have a quiet evening in
Mon7.10.02 [Mike's vocal cords are even more hatstand than normal]
dave: I turn the lights on, and Alex turns round and bumps into a tree [AlexChurchill: I'm afraid I did... *shamefaced*]
alex: I can certainly conceive of a fish who's also a knight
dave: As long as I've killed enough people, I'll be all right
dave: Why are the Three Bears ... all wearing bear suits?
mike to dave: I'm still a human being, so you've confused me
mike: I think she has a rat-shaped gap in her smell sensors [The context is likely very obvious... it shall not be repeated here]
alex: If there's carrots involved, there's need for haste
alex: It's a black hole! - dave: No, it's a hole that's black. It's not necessarily a black hole.
~ mike: The sinister Dolby Digital strikes again
[misheard by alex] dave to alex re mike: You're close to a mutant Hitomi [Actually: You're close to him, you can hit him]
alex to mike [thru gritted teeth]: I thought that was going to be a different pun. A good one.
~ mike: Are you trying to say that popular books can't have obstreperous Greenfinches and goats in them?
mike: I didn't think "That's a strange aubergine". I knew right away it was a cycle helmet.
mike: I didn't know quotes could get on the train! - [alex stares at mike for several long moments, before deciding to quote him] - mike [bashing his head on his knee]: Nokky is the quote train... Nokky is the quote train...
alex [pointing at a computer screen]: Levorotatory bebeerine!! Magnificent...! [See Google: levorotatory bebeerine for all you need to know...]
mike: There must be a Dictionary of Silly Words somewhere, so you don't have to waste your time going through all the words everybody uses
alex: I shall set myself a reminder: "Harass Susan lunchtime"
alex: I got the vague impression you had a cat coming on the train from Edinburgh to see you
alex: Ooh! That joke's very good. I mean, I was laughing at it before I got it... and screaming at it after I got it...
Sun6.10.02
milan: Just take the bath principle, extend it quite a bit... round the world... and you get the sea
angela: I'm not sure this yoghurt obeys the normal laws of physics. It's a quantum yoghurt. - milan: It doesn't obey classical yoghurt mechanics any more...
angela: Being that he's a professor, they doesn't retire, they just expire... but he hasn't reached his expiry date...
josie: I'm quite *capable* of calling someone a deranged hamster... Whether I actually did, I have no idea!
josie: I was walking past and this doughnut just... stuck to my hand! Oh, no, I can't get it off! Oh, well, it's been all over my hands now, I wouldn't want anyone else to get my germs...
Sat5.10.02
~ mike: What my dad used to hold the brake blocks together is a third hand
alan: So you talked to the hand cleaner then? - zoë: It talked to me! ... It's sensitive hand cleaner!
mike to rob and alan: He [Nagi] is Nagi. I'm not. - [long pause] - mike [alarmed]: Please don't look so surprised!
angela: If you didn't like blackcurrant, you'd be doomed... but if you didn't like apple, you'd really be doomed!
angela: Oh no, you haven't put your stilettoes on under your socks again have you? [I always have that problem... not that she was talking to me...]
mike: Yes, we want a sink by the door so we can park our bikes in it!
~ mike: Don't worry, Angela, the stainless steel rat didn't really go to hell
alex: Only sometimes is there one more weekend than there is...
~ alex: We're trying to avoid having to hoover saucepans.
alex: I'm trying to demonstrate that that bloke's nose is a coffee pot - nagi: I would say "that's a quote", but it's absolutely true...
nagi: Wow, I found a reason for why I'm confused!
~ nagi: Randomly giggling monkey?! That's the most disturbing thing I've heard in my life!
nagi: Too right! - dave: Three left... - nagi: Hehehe. Ohhhh, I'm so hung over I found that funny...
alex: OK, who's going to be Serge's next victim? - rob: I will... um...
mike: Nagi, please stop molesting my mobile phone - nagi: I'm not molesting your mobile phone, I'm molesting your leg
~ angela: Alan, does your head feel like it's been accessed by any large farmyard animals?
dave: Without all the human beings, the Tube would be a wonderful metro system
Fri4.10.02
lucy: It can't be a proper C of E church if it doesn't have stained glass windows!
james l: I don't like the use of small furry animals used as verbs...
angela to serge: Can you put me back on the edge of the toilet bowl?
angela: Nagi, who are your neighbours? - alan: The people who live next door...
chris: The real problem with free-range cows is collecting the eggs in the morning
Thu3.10.02
bhavin: I work for a software company that goes into other companies and takes over their IT departments - alex: Isn't that usually known as a virus?
alan: Alex is just a human-interactable version of Nokky
alan: Hubert, Cuthbert and Ambrose [cows outside Alan's office... don't ask] seem to think I'm normal enough... as does the Swiss-national-anthem-playing teddy bear...
Wed2.10.02
morag: That would've been so cool - we would have had Yoda giving our wedding speech!
nagi to alex: That's it - we're in matrimony, dude!
nagi: Why is that mould jiggling like that?! I'm glad it's wearing pants...
alex: I took the [High School Stereotype test] - I came out as "geek". I took it again, trying to avoid the geeky answers... and I still came out as "geek"...
mike: Evil villains aren't allowed to eat random hot dogs
nagi: Any particular alien? I was thinking of the alien alien - matthew b: Yeah, I was thinking of the alien alien...
alex: Cats are not known for taking hints
alan: I wonder if the 6-7 year olds at my primary school do in fact eat turquoise cheese
Tue1.10.02
peter t: I think I went to all of Head's lectures, that year, since 1800
peter t: Are there a finite number of Mills and Boon??
~ angela: I thought, "Oh dear: he's starting with 'Wah!' - it must be bad. Even the psalmists didn't start with 'Wah'."
angela: Hydrogen atoms are cool. I recommend them. Better than pasta any day.
alan: I'm a female pharisaic mouse with a large appetite and bovine tendencies with a dislike of grimy pink cardboard folders. [Whether this makes it less worrying or more is debatable, but Alan was summarising what he'd learnt about himself over the past week] ( Back to /September2002 )( Up to NokkyQuotes )( Forward to /November2002 )
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