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Some kind of SemiOmnipresent? SemiOmnipotent? godlike beings.

With an encyclopaedic knowledge of all members of college, past and present - and their current whereabouts.

With many special powers beyond the mortal ken - such as being both allowed and able to touch the college cats and walk upon the college grass (even during winter!)

With control over the emergency keys, the mail, and a tradition of being ex-marines.

College porters are scary, and something you definitely want to be on the right side of. 

If on the right side of porters, you can borrow bowler hats, tinsel, guillotines, and many many more things that you would expect the PortersLodge to be able to contain.  You may also be given free bikes.

If on the wrong side of porters, you will be forced to park on the opposite side of college to your room and carry all your possesions half a mile over bridges and up spiral staircases.  You may also end up eternally locked out of your room in a dressing gown and shower cap.

As such, they are godlike beings who must be worshipped.  The worshipping ritual is simple, students must smile and say hello whenever they pass through their temple, the PortersLodge

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Last edited December 22, 2002 7:25 pm (viewing revision 3, which is the newest) (diff)