Chel: Careful, Benji, the radiators are on so they're hot. Benji proceeds to walk around each radiator blowing on them all
Benji has reached "m'm" as an approximation for "milk" Chel: Would you like some milk? Benji: Bum. Chel: Say "milk" Benji: ...BUM! <giggle>
Benji sees a llama in a field Benji: ... Neigh-baa?
2 Years
At the end of his birthday Chel: What day was it today? Benji: Horse.
Chel: And mother pig said "Look out for the Big Bad..." Benji: Wuss.
Chel: If you eat your dinner, you can have some pudding. Benji: Yes! Spider pie!
Benji picks up a small [Upsy-Daisy] doll. Chel: Oh! Who's that? Benji: It's a Buddha.
Chel: Would you like to go out for dinner? Benji: Yes! Chel: What would you like to eat? Benji: Cake!
Benji's advent calendar contains a chocolate mouse, as it has a number of times previously. I have opened it, and not shown it to him Chris: What do you think's in your advent calendar? Benji: Uh, uh, chocolate spider! Chris: Nooo, I don't think you've had any spiders. What chocolate animal have you had before? Benji: ...Stars! Chris: That's not an animal. What chocolate animal? Benji: Ah! Peter Spider! Chris: No, you haven't had any chocolate spiders, remember? What chocolate animal have you had before? Benji: Train track.
Benji (sings): Harold the Helicopter angels sing / Glory to the new born king.
Chel: We get milk from cows. Benji: Yes. Chel: And where do we get eggs from? Benji: Santa.
Chel: Benji, would you like to go swimming with Daddy? Benji: Yes! Want to swim like a chicken! Chel: How does a chicken swim? Benji: Like this: Woooooaaaaahhhhhhh-Chicken Nugget!
Benji: D is for Oh no, it's a big scary dinowaur!
Aside: That's the sound d-schwa, not the letter D. How would you write that?
Benji: Miaow! Miaow! I's being a cat. I's in a cathouse.
Chel: What would you like with your apple pie? Ice cream? Benji: One... no, two pieces of toast.
In the supermarket Benji: I want to get my Lightning McQueen? cake! Chel: No, it's not quite your birthday yet. Benji: Oh. ... Five minutes? Chel: Nooo, in May. Benji: Oh. Five minutes? Chel: No, a bit longer than that. Benji: Oh. One minute?
Benji wakes in the night while on holiday in a (static) caravan. He cries out. Chris: What's wrong, Benji? Benji: I want to go back in my bed! Chris: You're in your bed. Benji: No! My bed in the 'van! Chris: You're in the caravan. Benji (stops crying): Oh. Silly me! (Goes straight back to sleep)
Benji: I is going to be three on my birthday cake.
3 Years
Benji: Daddy, what number is this? This number is "Ffff" for cat.
Benji: I smelled my window. Rachel: Ok... what did it smell of? Benji: Good window.
Chris: Benji, are you listening to this story? Benji: Yes. Chris: What just happened? Benji: You turned the page, and then the other page! Chris: No, what happened in the story? Benji: Ohhh. Someone... was talking.
Annabel is going to have a friend over for tea Benji: I like <friend>! Chel: I don't think you know her! What does she look like? Benji: Yes I do! She looks like a hooman.
Benji: On daddy's birthday tomorrow, how old will he be? Chel: Thirty-two. Benji: Why?
Chel, Annabel and Benji are waiting in the car while I wait for IKEA to get something out a warehouse Chel: Why don't we play a game? Benji: OK! Let's play hide-and-seek.
Several times, throughout the day Benji: Mummy! When I do a poo, my toenails change colour! We believe it was probably a dream. We hope it was a dream...
Benji: Look Annabel, there is the four kings in this nativity. Annabel: No Benji, it's three kings. Benji: Noooo, there is one there. In the manger. Full marks, I think!
We are sitting at a picnic table having lunch. It is the Saturday after the church's holiday club Benji: Mummy, if there is a fire, we must follow our group leader outside where we will be safe.
Chel goes in to Benji's room while he is asleep. Benji stirs and rolls over Chel: It's OK Benji, I'm just putting your clothes away. Benji: Ok. I only rolled over in my sleep.
Benji tries on a school jumper Benji: Look mummy, I is a school dude.
Benji: Do you know what Iron Man does? He helps people iron.
4 years
The People's song from Les Mis is playing Benji: I like this song and Annabel likes this song Chel: yes she does Benji: why? Chel: I don't know Benji: I know why, it's because she likes angry men!
Annabel: Mummy, when can I read Harry Potter 4? Benji: Mummy, when can I ride a motorbike? (they both suggested 10 was a good age)
Benji: careful when we get to the farm, there will be lions at the farm, there is usually lions at farms, but they will probably be sleeping, lions sleep a lot.
Benji has a Prayer Box. He has been filling it with prayers... by opening the lid and whispering into it.
Benji: Mummy, I got just one word for you: "I Love You!"
We're at the pantomime Actor: I am the Queen's Henchman! Benji: Oh! Mummy, he's the queen's hedgehog!
5 years
Benji: Mummy, you know... not the BFG, not the BFG, but those people without like food and houses? Chel <thinks>: You mean... refugees? Benji: Yes! That.
Benji: Mummy mummy mummy! I think I need margarine on my willy! ("Magic cream" - that is, sudocrem)
6 years
Benji: I like the Crystal Maze, because you can give up your point and keep your member, or you can keep your points but lose your member.
Benji: When I grow up, I want to be an alcoholic.
Chel: What did you do in Beavers? Benji: We learned about the French. Chel: I thought you were doing Highland Games? Benji: Yes, the French from Scotland.
Benji: Look at the clouds mummy Chel: Yes they look like marshmallows don't they Benji: Yes they do, they look like marshmallows in a cake where in the oven the cake accidentally exploded
7 years
Benji: Can I have some nuts? Chel: Sure, you can have some nuts. Benji (looks at the packets of nuts): Can I have some pissed-chews?
8 years
We leave a supermarket after a small shop, each carrying a couple of items. Annabel (carrying bread and baked beans): Hey, I can make beans on toast! Benji (considers his own items): Hey, I can make mayonnaise on bananas!
9 years
Benji: When someone has a wheat shortage, it's because God is trying to make a wig out of straw.
Benji: <sings>Ding, dong, ding... Let's see if we can harmonise our ding-dongs!
10 years
Benji: The seat in front of me at school has the radiator beside it, which is really lucky, but the cord of heating comes past me, so... Chris: The "cord of heating"? Do you mean... "pipe"? Benji: Yeah, that.
12 years
I gently shake Benji awake Chris: I'm going to have a shower, then I'll wake you properly. Benji (sleepily): What? Why are you going to make me broccoli?
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