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18 Months


Chel: Careful, Benji, the radiators are on so they're hot.
Benji proceeds to walk around each radiator blowing on them all

Benji has reached "m'm" as an approximation for "milk"
Chel: Would you like some milk?
Benji: Bum.
Chel: Say "milk"
Benji: ...BUM! <giggle>

Benji sees a llama in a field
Benji: ... Neigh-baa?

2 Years


At the end of his birthday
Chel: What day was it today?
Benji: Horse.

Chel: And mother pig said "Look out for the Big Bad..."
Benji: Wuss.

Chel: If you eat your dinner, you can have some pudding.
Benji: Yes! Spider pie!

Benji picks up a small [Upsy-Daisy] doll.
Chel: Oh! Who's that?
Benji: It's a Buddha.

Chel: Would you like to go out for dinner?
Benji: Yes!
Chel: What would you like to eat?
Benji: Cake!

Benji's advent calendar contains a chocolate mouse, as it has a number of times previously. I have opened it, and not shown it to him
Chris: What do you think's in your advent calendar?
Benji: Uh, uh, chocolate spider!
Chris: Nooo, I don't think you've had any spiders. What chocolate animal have you had before?
Benji: ...Stars!
Chris: That's not an animal. What chocolate animal?
Benji: Ah! Peter Spider!
Chris: No, you haven't had any chocolate spiders, remember? What chocolate animal have you had before?
Benji: Train track.

Benji (sings): Harold the Helicopter angels sing / Glory to the new born king.

Chel: We get milk from cows.
Benji: Yes.
Chel: And where do we get eggs from?
Benji: Santa.

Chel: Benji, would you like to go swimming with Daddy?
Benji: Yes! Want to swim like a chicken!
Chel: How does a chicken swim?
Benji: Like this: Woooooaaaaahhhhhhh-Chicken Nugget!

Benji: D is for Oh no, it's a big scary dinowaur!
Aside: That's the sound d-schwa, not the letter D. How would you write that?

Benji: Miaow! Miaow! I's being a cat. I's in a cathouse.

Chel: What would you like with your apple pie? Ice cream?
Benji: One... no, two pieces of toast.

In the supermarket
Benji: I want to get my Lightning McQueen? cake!
Chel: No, it's not quite your birthday yet.
Benji: Oh. ... Five minutes?
Chel: Nooo, in May.
Benji: Oh. Five minutes?
Chel: No, a bit longer than that.
Benji: Oh. One minute?

Benji wakes in the night while on holiday in a (static) caravan. He cries out.
Chris: What's wrong, Benji?
Benji: I want to go back in my bed!
Chris: You're in your bed.
Benji: No! My bed in the 'van!
Chris: You're in the caravan.
Benji (stops crying): Oh. Silly me! (Goes straight back to sleep)

Benji: I is going to be three on my birthday cake.

3 Years


Benji: Daddy, what number is this? This number is "Ffff" for cat.

Benji: I smelled my window.
Rachel: Ok... what did it smell of?
Benji: Good window.

Chris: Benji, are you listening to this story?
Benji: Yes.
Chris: What just happened?
Benji: You turned the page, and then the other page!
Chris: No, what happened in the story?
Benji: Ohhh. Someone... was talking.

Annabel is going to have a friend over for tea
Benji: I like <friend>!
Chel: I don't think you know her! What does she look like?
Benji: Yes I do! She looks like a hooman.

Benji: On daddy's birthday tomorrow, how old will he be?
Chel: Thirty-two.
Benji: Why?

Chel, Annabel and Benji are waiting in the car while I wait for IKEA to get something out a warehouse
Chel: Why don't we play a game?
Benji: OK! Let's play hide-and-seek.

Several times, throughout the day
Benji: Mummy! When I do a poo, my toenails change colour!
We believe it was probably a dream. We hope it was a dream...

Benji: Look Annabel, there is the four kings in this nativity.
Annabel: No Benji, it's three kings.
Benji: Noooo, there is one there. In the manger.
Full marks, I think!

We are sitting at a picnic table having lunch. It is the Saturday after the church's holiday club
Benji: Mummy, if there is a fire, we must follow our group leader outside where we will be safe.

Chel goes in to Benji's room while he is asleep. Benji stirs and rolls over
Chel: It's OK Benji, I'm just putting your clothes away.
Benji: Ok. I only rolled over in my sleep.

Benji tries on a school jumper
Benji: Look mummy, I is a school dude.

Benji: Do you know what Iron Man does? He helps people iron.

4 years



The People's song from Les Mis is playing
Benji: I like this song and Annabel likes this song
Chel: yes she does
Benji: why?
Chel: I don't know
Benji: I know why, it's because she likes angry men!

Annabel: Mummy, when can I read Harry Potter 4?
Benji: Mummy, when can I ride a motorbike?
(they both suggested 10 was a good age)

Benji: careful when we get to the farm, there will be lions at the farm, there is usually lions at farms, but they will probably be sleeping, lions sleep a lot.

Benji has a Prayer Box. He has been filling it with prayers... by opening the lid and whispering into it.

Benji: Mummy, I got just one word for you: "I Love You!"

We're at the pantomime
Actor: I am the Queen's Henchman!
Benji: Oh! Mummy, he's the queen's hedgehog!

5 years



Benji: Mummy, you know... not the BFG, not the BFG, but those people without like food and houses?
Chel <thinks>: You mean... refugees?
Benji: Yes! That.

Benji: Knock knock!
Annabel: Who's there?
Benji: Banana!
Annabel: Banana who?
Benji: Punchyouintheface!

Benji: Mummy mummy mummy! I think I need margarine on my willy!
("Magic cream" - that is, sudocrem)

6 years


Benji: I like the Crystal Maze, because you can give up your point and keep your member, or you can keep your points but lose your member.

Benji: When I grow up, I want to be an alcoholic.

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