AK (misheard): Change sex for five pounds? That's quite good.
JS: Do it elsewhere. In the girls' bathroom or something. Because I don't know what you do in there, 'cos you don't poo.
Unknown, on Portuguese: It sounds like a Russian cat speaking Spanish.
SB: I didn't break it: I just undressed it.
AP: What do you recommend? Air steward: Eat in the airport.
AP (re telephone): Itīs just not even plugged in. I donīt know how itīs ringing.
AW: And guys, if you close your eyes you wonīt see everyone laughing at you.
SG: What if we fed the cockerel to the dog?
AP: Donīt open your mouth or the fish will swim in.
ED: I was talking about Supermaxi. AW: So were we. ED: But I was talking about the shop rather than the toilets.
Maximina: Estamos contentos... PT: We're happy. Maximina: Alegres... PT: Happy. Maximina: Felices... PT: Happy. [Entire congregation falls about laughing]. Son todas la misma palabra en ingles.
AK: My memory stretches back as far as chocolate.
AK: If you have children the thing to do is push your finger down a banana.
SB: None of us here is an only child, are we? ED: We're all from Christian families: of course none of us is an only child.
JS (to HL): I just keep thinking what big manly hands you have.
AK: I haven't had any action here for days. AP: That's why sheīs going to be a nun.
AP: If we all spoke Spanish we'd be dead.
ED (to PT): Dodgy!? I never expected that word to come out of your mouth!
ED: Do you like Keira Knightley? JS: Defiknightley.
SG: I've just realised these aren't my trousers... Or maybe they are. I just don't know.
AP: Hannah, bring me my getting naked shorts... things.
SB: Not every blister plaster is special. It is a truth. Universally acknowledged.
AP (sung): It's shaving men, hallelujah!
ED: The rain is salty! No, wait: that's my sweat.
AK: You'll be a diabetic by the time you're tw... PT: I doubt I'll be a diabetic by the time I'm twenty. AK: I was going to say thirty but I wasn't sure if you were that old yet.
JS: Don't stick it in your eye: stick it in a banana.
AP: It's scary when you meet grannies with goaties, like Peter. (sic)
JS: Don't they say you should never put anything larger than your elbow in your ear?
AK: I've got one: I can remember the punchline, but not the joke.
JS: You can see where your neck stops because there's this big white line. It's like at Customs: "Do not cross this white line."
AW: She gave us these little pills. JF: Right. AW: No, they were big pills. JF: Right. That makes it so much better.
AW: I'm having doxy on my legs.
A bit of context: doxycycline is an oral antibiotic used as prophylaxis against malaria.
AW: How do you peel a sausage glamourously?
PT (misheard): I'll have a shower in an hour after I've put my Celine Dion stuff on.
JS (playing Mafia): I think it's Amy just because I think I'd regret it most if she won the game.
PJ (likewise): No, Jon's an Oxford grad: I'd kill him.
CBC (to PJ): You won't like brain 'cos you don't like eggs.
SG (misheard when he ripped his trousers): I just have too much gear.
AW: I have a long dark hair on my bum.
ED (to JS): You look shiny like you just cut onions.
JS: Do you know what? I'm naked under all my clothes.
AW (to SB): We sleep together in the same bed. We have that physical bondage now.
CBC (on seeing an old wandering woman with one trouser leg only under her skirt): Quality! Is more important than quantity.
AW: I just farted. That was a very spiritual moment.
PT: I cannot deny that I take great pleasure in linguistic ambiguities.
PJ: My bum looks like a butterfly painting.
JS: If I was naked then the Jonnybug took my clothes off or ate them or something.
JS: I think what it was: Amy had poo in her hair...
PJ (misheard): I was called Pervert Pete.
CBC: Where are you moving to? HL: Can't say. CBC: Where's that?
AW (to CBC): I'm so glad we're showering together.
AW (to CBC, 5 mins later): We should definitely shower together more often.
AW: Olives are God's best creation along with PT: Man? AW: Olives are on the same level, but without thumbs.
AP: Hermione is hot.
PT (attempting to quote NIV: Heb 11: 1): Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not believe.
AP (to SB): You make quite a good fairy, running like that.
PJ (attempting to translate from Spanish during a church service): A leg is getting married?!
JS (on girlfriends): I don't have a type. Anything that walks.
JS (praying): Thank you for a constructive day at the building site. <pause> I can't believe I just said that!
AK: We could make you lot good-looking with enough makeup.
JS: What's wrong with you people? Every time we lie down together...
ED: I wanna be a boy.
Anon (although I have my suspicions): I'd hate to be a chicken. It'd be so dull. At least if you were a cockerel you'd have the responsibility of waking humans up at hideous times in the morning.
JS: I'll clean the toilet. SB: And if you find anything, give it to Hannah.
SG (to SB): I especially got burnt today to go with your pink.
Pastor Esteban: La ley no puede perdonar. [The law cannot pardon]. AP: No, sólo la sangría de Jesús. [No, only the sangria of Jesus].
ED (to AW): You look like the girl version of Jon, although you need the socks much further up.
ED: God, we love you more than boys.
AK: It's better to pee than to puke.
ED (re doxology): That sounds like the study of doxycycline.
SB: What? You like the name Variety?
AW (putting on a hard hat): This is definitely a guy's: no girl would have a head this big. SG: Seems to fit you quite well, Amy.
JS: We genuinely need a Power Woofer.
CBC: Pete's a good foca. PJ: Yeah, I'm a good foca.
AK: Maybe your parents will get another cat? JS: No. They're getting an extension.
CBC (to the other girls): Would you mind if we had it off again in a minute.
AW: I was reading pizza the other day.
SG: It looks like I've peed myself in a ridiculous way.
PJ: I often look like a girl in photos.
JS: Gnomes are the result of incest.
ED (misheard): I have a washing fear.
ED: I wish I liked them.
JS: You can't say to people, "Become a Christian and you can drink!"
SB (to PT): You're impossible to draw.
SB (to AW): How big is your nose! In my drawing: not in reality.
SB (to AW): Have you considered being a mass murderer? Because I think you'd do quite well at it, looking at this picture.
SB: Ooh, don't be mean. Not within earshot.
SG: I wouldn't want to rotate [beds]: I'd feel like a homewrecker.
SG: Nothing beats kicking an orphan.
SB (to PT): I was saying the other day in the bus that you reminded me of Julie Andrews in 'The Sound of Music.'
JS (to SB): Your face is yellow.
AW: Jon and I were talking about getting married.
ED (to JF): Did Amy propose to you?
HL: Oh dear. Started itching. Devotions does that to me.
SG: Hmm. Dedication. Something I'm not familiar with.
PT (misheard by SB): I have had a fetish now.
JS: I thought the gloves had dyed the hairs on my hands orange... but then I remembered I'm ginger.
ED: I look like a stream of wee.
AK: And I've never had a beard, just to set the record straight.
Natalie (to PJ): You should be modelling for Calvin Klein.
AP: Has anyone pissed on my minidiscs?
SB (to PT): You operate on a different plane to the rest of us. I don't know whether in your plane it makes sense to throw tuna over your shoulder.
PJ: I love this country. I feel tall.
PJ (to AW): You'll be the only duck with a South African accent.
JS (to PT): What's the term for "You've got porridge in your beard"?
Luis (aka Luchito, Revelation Man): Yo también cumplí años esta semana. [I also had a birthday this week]. Esteban: ŋCuántos siglos, hermano? [How many centuries, brother?]
Luis (despite his age): Sigo corriendo. Corriendo como si la policía me siguiera. [I keep on running. Running as though the police were after me].
AP: I'm going to give birth at five to three this afternoon.
SG: Bear in mind that to me "fun" means sleeping and saying how much I hate girls.
AW: When we get to Canoa we're going to have a catwalk, but not with clothes...
AW: Who wants to chop my legs off?
PT (misheard): That's why, apparently, you hate the Swiss.
ED: I think there's a reason that Step projects don't do very well: because if they did, everyone would die.
JS: Now for the 13th member of the group: Esther's Study Bible.
PT: Am I the only one who thinks they do use a circular saw for their school bell?
ED (to PT): We think you'll make a particularly good grandfather clock.
AW: How do I act cool? AK: Act the opposite to the way you normally do.
SB: If I became a mute, and had boards around my neck, I could be quite the comic.
SG: It's really ironic that I'm organising an evening which is causing girls to whisper together.
ED: I tried to convince him to use toilet roll for decoration, but we decided the plate was good enough. AW: I tried to convince him to use a cheese roll.
SG: If anyone's going to the Minghole, firstly, what are you thinking?
SG: Peter, will you marry me?
PJ (to AW): I studied people like you for my A-level psychology.
AP: What was the loo-roll game? HL: We don't have enough loo-roll. AP: Good game!
JF: Esther's Study Bible doesn't go to the toilet.
AW: What's better than porn?
AK: I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic. SG: Is that "dyslexic" spelt wrong?
AW: My husband better be prepared for a cow.
SG (to AP): Initially I thought you should cut your hair, and now if you did I think I'd lose a lot of respect for you.
PJ (re Pingu): That's what Amy reminds me of when she's trying to explain something.
JS: Can you tell the time with Pooh, Peter?
CBC (to JS): You sound much more masculine in Spanish. So do I.
ED: Eww! I hate the idea of Jesus watching in the shower.
ED: I keep forgetting that we're in Ecuador. I think we're in England and then I see a Quechuan and think, "What are you doing here?" Then I remember.
ED (to SG): What are you doing under the covers to our Sarah?
SG: Just to warn you, tomorrow I will be saying "Make it stop" quite a lot. Mainly in the church service, but not just confined to that.
JS: I like my poos to be presentable.
SG: Please leave the snore house.
AK: Can we start a jogging club? AP: Only if you jog with a bush on your back. It's culturally sensitive.
ED: The think I find most attractive about men is a wedding ring on a nice hand.
ED (misheard): Quotes taste so good.
AK: Ah, that's what the melony smell has been: it's melon.
(Translated from Spanish) Woman preaching: Why has God put us on this Earth? Rosita (sotto voce): To eat!
AW (to AK): Makeup won't make you pretty.
HL: I can't cope with this stupid Bible.
SG: First of all, without looking at your Bibles because this isn't going to be a Biblically based discussion...
PJ: "Right, I'm Steve. Ground rules: no praying in tongues." SG: "And especially no prophecies about being a rubbish teacher."
SG (defining quote for Gatazo Chico): Is God punishing us with a plague of flies?
JS: Doesn't free fairtrade chocolate kind of defeat the point?
HL: You know what? Colossians doesn't really inspire dramas.
SB: As far as I'm aware Jesus didn't have a poncho.
AK (re sleeping bags): Mine's a five-season. PJ: There aren't five seasons. AK: I got it in America.
ED: Alcoholics Anomalous is on TV?
ED: I hate youth leaders. PJ: You said I should be one.
AW: It's like groping your breasts just to see they're still there.
AW: Who wants to look like the chicken.
Biblical explanation for our diet in Gatazo: "The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with corn, for so you have ordained it." - NIV: Ps 65: 9
PT (translating the Reina Valera version of Proverbs 26:18): Like a man driven crazy throwing up llamas...
PJ: I love it when you do that, Jon, because you can't do it.
AP: This is "red herring". It's pink, but you get the idea.
AP (to AW): Oh yeah, you need a real Bible.
AP: So basically there's no meaning to anything we do because we're all going to die. JS: Let's read that to the chicken tonight.
AP: In Romans - I'm not going to read the whole thing, don't worry...
JS: I feel like an old man stripping. ED: I should pray for my grandpa.
SB: You've got filthy hands. JS: I know. There's nothing I can do about it. I could wash them...
JS: I feel like the Horse Whisperer for chicken.
JS: At last! One of the girls from the church fancies me.
JS: It's like I'm farting Lynx.
AW: Reminds me of home. My Mum would kill me if she heard me say that.
ED (to PT, re NIV: Gen 7): You were one of the animals, weren't you? Did I mention that I believe in reincarnation...?
JS: I'm trying to think whether I've suffered more for having ginger hair than for being a Christian... I think I have.
AW: It's not about you: it's about me. JS: That's what all girls say to me!
AP: This is my brothel.
SB: I just get thrown by women singing.
PT (re eyebrow-plucking): Jonny, this sort of thing should be saved for Lads' Night.
SB: It looks like I'm some sort of fattie who raids the fridge and can't keep out of it.
ED (misheard, to PT): You sound so funny with your married voice.
JS: I donīt think they cover their rooms with trees.
SB: We look like we're worshipping cement.
PT: Weren't you talking to Steve? ED: Yes, but he looks like a girl, so I said "Bonita".
AP: La próxima dinámica se llama "Dormiendo"... [The next game is called "Sleeping"...]
AP: The problem with a Quechuan prayer vigil is that their language takes twice as long to say anything.
ED: Stupid doxy takes your tan away. Why did I even do Step?
SB: I thought "amoeba" was supposed to be a small friendly thing.
AW: What morning show does everyone watch in England? SG: The one o'clock news.
PJ: Am I going to Jesus?
ED (misheard): I don't want to go to the Dark Side.
AW: Hasta ma-never!
PT: [The USA] don't have any embassies around here to firebomb. AK: I remember doing that!
AW (misheard): Now you don't have to carry your willy!
SB: Oh my gosh, your summary's huge. AW: It's lots of crossings out.
HL: Jonny, we love ginger pubes!
JF: Let's go and be cool and knowledgeable and Christian and Jesus.
SB: How's the rabbit. PT: Alive. Sitting there. I think it shows a distinct lack of imagination.
JS (to HL): Then I pooed on you.
Bolivar (to JS): Are you breastfeeding Gringo, like Amy?
HL: How many heads of broccoli would we put in a stew? SG: Judging by Jonny's wind...
AK: Shall we put all his boxers up?
AK (to JF): You look like something from a Nativity play gone wrong.
Bolivar: I know how to cook everything. PT: Duck à l'orange? Bolivar: Put a duck in an orange. PT: It would have to be a small duck. Bolivar: Put the orange in the duck.
PJ: Is there anything anyone wants done on the Internet? JS: Like washing?
HL: I am eating yoghurt from a bowl with no yoghurt in.
AP: Anna, don't touch me. I've got clean clothes on.
AK: I won't pinch your bum at Momentum. I'll get someone else to do it.
SB (to AK): Can I be a fly on the wall when you decide to seduce someone?
SB: I can play all kinds of farmyard animals, obese or not. SG: I know it's not in the Bible, but could you be an Oompa-Loompa in this play?
ED (to PT): I could see your bum-cheeks most of the day.
AK: Do redheads go grey early? JS: I hope so.
ED: Jonny, how do you flirt?
SB: You know what would make devotions interesting? Alcohol!
SB: Andy was so happy to find a carrot which looks like Peter.
SG: Now I know what you're thinking: "That probably isn't a ship in Biblical times," but I'm the one with the history degree.
SG: Jonah doesn't like the sailors; he thinks they're a bit gay, but that's not a major issue.
(Pronounciations of "Yahweh") SG: Yakweh. AP: Yagweh.
SG: At this point we'll have a bit of audience participation: you have to choose between the Biblically based ending with a fish, or the one where Gringo eats Jonah.
AP: Hay voluntarios de entre los papas? [Are there any volunteers from among the potatoes?]
SB (to HL): You only have a five o'clock shadow.
SB: Hombre, mmm.....
All girls: Más, menos, más, menos!
SB: Se llama gravy!
AK: If you want to kiss a ming man, you can kiss Andy any time.
AW (misheard): Is Hell nocturnal?
JS: Heaven's definitely not the boys' room.
PJ: Where's Judgement Day? SB: Try looking in my liner.
ED: Peter so looks like the Devil.
AK: My mate Kev's moving to Guildford. JS: Kev? AK: Yes. JS: People called Kev don't live in Guildford.
AK: I can't run out of money. PJ: Have you got that much? AK: I'm not married yet!
CBC (emphatically): There's nothing wrong with diarrhoea.
JS: We're talking about getting cursed by naked people.
AW: What's the last thing you'd think Anna would put in the freezer? ... Toilet paper, perhaps?
JS: Maestro's in bed with Sarah; check him out.
AW (to AP): When I come to stay with you can we go flexing?
JS: I think I'll be a bit bored of watching Andy pull women... No, I'll never get bored of it.
AK (to PJ): Okay, I know you're ill, but do you use seven rolls of toilet paper?
PJ: I've never been told I look like Noddy before.
AK: I was the only girl in the village.
AK: You must have taken a brick out of a wall before.
SG: Anna, you are on so many government lists.
AW (to AK): I can't exactly imagine you explaining anything in one sentence.
PJ: I've solved all the world problems. AP: You and Jen? PJ: Nope. That's way too difficult.
JS (to AW): Are you using your Gringo voice on me?
JS: Is this a farting seminar or a fasting one?
AW (re fasting from sex): I've done that!
AK: But you write on your hand, "Chocolate == God".
SB: Do you think everyone's called to fast food?
ED: You will be blessed in your prayer life through farting.
JS (to AW): We wouldn't rape you!
PJ: Have you taught God the correct table manners?
SG: I have to get to know a new team. I need social skills.
AW: Jonny, you are so much hotter than that.
HL: But then Sarah will give us evils. In the dark. She manages it somehow.
CBC: You can suck on their bums.
SG: I know packing isn't going well when I'm looking for secret compartments in my bag.
JS: You can't make lettuce. ED: If you're God or Sainsbury's...
AK: Your body temperature loses your head.
SG: I had to get married a second time.
AW: I'll sing extra-holily.
Unknown ex-Strider: If you are interested in Stride you can pick up one of these leaflets which tells you how to find a wife inside.
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