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Collected by several team members.

AP: Dogs are well fit.

AW: But girls poo, so it's okay.

AK (misheard): Change sex for five pounds? That's quite good.

JS: Do it elsewhere. In the girls' bathroom or something. Because I don't know what you do in there, 'cos you don't poo.

Unknown, on Portuguese: It sounds like a Russian cat speaking Spanish.

SB: I didn't break it: I just undressed it.

AP: What do you recommend?
Air steward: Eat in the airport.

AP (re telephone): Itīs just not even plugged in. I donīt know how itīs ringing.

AW: And guys, if you close your eyes you wonīt see everyone laughing at you.

SG: What if we fed the cockerel to the dog?

AP: Donīt open your mouth or the fish will swim in.

ED: I was talking about Supermaxi.
AW: So were we.
ED: But I was talking about the shop rather than the toilets.

Maximina: Estamos contentos...
PT: We're happy.
Maximina: Alegres...
PT: Happy.
Maximina: Felices...
PT: Happy. [Entire congregation falls about laughing]. Son todas la misma palabra en ingles.

AK: My memory stretches back as far as chocolate.

AK: If you have children the thing to do is push your finger down a banana.

SB: None of us here is an only child, are we?
ED: We're all from Christian families: of course none of us is an only child.

JS (to HL): I just keep thinking what big manly hands you have.

AK: I haven't had any action here for days.
AP: That's why sheīs going to be a nun.

AP: If we all spoke Spanish we'd be dead.

ED (to PT): Dodgy!? I never expected that word to come out of your mouth!

ED: Do you like Keira Knightley?
JS: Defiknightley.

SG: I've just realised these aren't my trousers... Or maybe they are. I just don't know.

AP: Hannah, bring me my getting naked shorts... things.

SB: Not every blister plaster is special. It is a truth. Universally acknowledged.

AP (sung): It's shaving men, hallelujah!

ED: The rain is salty! No, wait: that's my sweat.

AK: You'll be a diabetic by the time you're tw...
PT: I doubt I'll be a diabetic by the time I'm twenty.
AK: I was going to say thirty but I wasn't sure if you were that old yet.

JS: Don't stick it in your eye: stick it in a banana.

AP: It's scary when you meet grannies with goaties, like Peter. (sic)

JS: Don't they say you should never put anything larger than your elbow in your ear?

AK: I've got one: I can remember the punchline, but not the joke.

JS: You can see where your neck stops because there's this big white line. It's like at Customs: "Do not cross this white line."

AW: She gave us these little pills.
JF: Right.
AW: No, they were big pills.
JF: Right. That makes it so much better.

AW: I'm having doxy on my legs.
A bit of context: doxycycline is an oral antibiotic used as prophylaxis against malaria.

AW: How do you peel a sausage glamourously?

PT (misheard): I'll have a shower in an hour after I've put my Celine Dion stuff on.

JS (playing Mafia): I think it's Amy just because I think I'd regret it most if she won the game.

PJ (likewise): No, Jon's an Oxford grad: I'd kill him.

CBC (to PJ): You won't like brain 'cos you don't like eggs.

SG (misheard when he ripped his trousers): I just have too much gear.

AW: I have a long dark hair on my bum.

ED (to JS): You look shiny like you just cut onions.

JS: Do you know what? I'm naked under all my clothes.

AW (to SB): We sleep together in the same bed. We have that physical bondage now.

CBC (on seeing an old wandering woman with one trouser leg only under her skirt): Quality! Is more important than quantity.

AW: I just farted. That was a very spiritual moment.

PT: I cannot deny that I take great pleasure in linguistic ambiguities.

PJ: My bum looks like a butterfly painting.

JS: If I was naked then the Jonnybug took my clothes off or ate them or something.

JS: I think what it was: Amy had poo in her hair...

PJ (misheard): I was called Pervert Pete.

CBC: Where are you moving to?
HL: Can't say.
CBC: Where's that?

AW (to CBC): I'm so glad we're showering together.

AW (to CBC, 5 mins later): We should definitely shower together more often.

AW: Olives are God's best creation along with
PT: Man?
AW: Olives are on the same level, but without thumbs.

AP: Hermione is hot.

PT (attempting to quote NIV: Heb 11: 1): Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not believe.

AP (to SB): You make quite a good fairy, running like that.

PJ (attempting to translate from Spanish during a church service): A leg is getting married?!

JS (on girlfriends): I don't have a type. Anything that walks.

JS (praying): Thank you for a constructive day at the building site. <pause> I can't believe I just said that!

AK: We could make you lot good-looking with enough makeup.

JS: What's wrong with you people? Every time we lie down together...

ED: I wanna be a boy.

Anon (although I have my suspicions): I'd hate to be a chicken. It'd be so dull. At least if you were a cockerel you'd have the responsibility of waking humans up at hideous times in the morning.

JS: I'll clean the toilet.
SB: And if you find anything, give it to Hannah.

SG (to SB): I especially got burnt today to go with your pink.

Pastor Esteban: La ley no puede perdonar. [The law cannot pardon].
AP: No, sólo la sangría de Jesús. [No, only the sangria of Jesus].

ED (to AW): You look like the girl version of Jon, although you need the socks much further up.

ED: God, we love you more than boys.

AK: It's better to pee than to puke.

ED (re doxology): That sounds like the study of doxycycline.

SB: What? You like the name Variety?

AW (putting on a hard hat): This is definitely a guy's: no girl would have a head this big.
SG: Seems to fit you quite well, Amy.

JS: We genuinely need a Power Woofer.

CBC: Pete's a good foca.
PJ: Yeah, I'm a good foca.

AK: Maybe your parents will get another cat?
JS: No. They're getting an extension.

CBC (to the other girls): Would you mind if we had it off again in a minute.

AW: I was reading pizza the other day.

SG: It looks like I've peed myself in a ridiculous way.

PJ: I often look like a girl in photos.

JS: Gnomes are the result of incest.

ED (misheard): I have a washing fear.

ED: I wish I liked them.

JS: You can't say to people, "Become a Christian and you can drink!"

SB (to PT): You're impossible to draw.

SB (to AW): How big is your nose! In my drawing: not in reality.

SB (to AW): Have you considered being a mass murderer? Because I think you'd do quite well at it, looking at this picture.

SB: Ooh, don't be mean. Not within earshot.

SG: I wouldn't want to rotate [beds]: I'd feel like a homewrecker.

SG: Nothing beats kicking an orphan.

SB (to PT): I was saying the other day in the bus that you reminded me of Julie Andrews in 'The Sound of Music.'

JS (to SB): Your face is yellow.

AW: Jon and I were talking about getting married.

ED (to JF): Did Amy propose to you?

HL: Oh dear. Started itching. Devotions does that to me.

SG: Hmm. Dedication. Something I'm not familiar with.

PT (misheard by SB): I have had a fetish now.

JS: I thought the gloves had dyed the hairs on my hands orange... but then I remembered I'm ginger.

ED: I look like a stream of wee.

AK: And I've never had a beard, just to set the record straight.

Natalie (to PJ): You should be modelling for Calvin Klein.

AP: Has anyone pissed on my minidiscs?

SB (to PT): You operate on a different plane to the rest of us. I don't know whether in your plane it makes sense to throw tuna over your shoulder.

PJ: I love this country. I feel tall.

PJ (to AW): You'll be the only duck with a South African accent.

JS (to PT): What's the term for "You've got porridge in your beard"?

Luis (aka Luchito, Revelation Man): Yo también cumplí años esta semana. [I also had a birthday this week].
Esteban: ŋCuántos siglos, hermano? [How many centuries, brother?]

Luis (despite his age): Sigo corriendo. Corriendo como si la policía me siguiera. [I keep on running. Running as though the police were after me].

AP: I'm going to give birth at five to three this afternoon.

SG: Bear in mind that to me "fun" means sleeping and saying how much I hate girls.

AW: When we get to Canoa we're going to have a catwalk, but not with clothes...

AW: Who wants to chop my legs off?

PT (misheard): That's why, apparently, you hate the Swiss.

ED: I think there's a reason that Step projects don't do very well: because if they did, everyone would die.

JS: Now for the 13th member of the group: Esther's Study Bible.

PT: Am I the only one who thinks they do use a circular saw for their school bell?

ED (to PT): We think you'll make a particularly good grandfather clock.

AW: How do I act cool?
AK: Act the opposite to the way you normally do.

SB: If I became a mute, and had boards around my neck, I could be quite the comic.

SG: It's really ironic that I'm organising an evening which is causing girls to whisper together.

AK: Someone steal Pete's roll!
ED: It's communion bread.

ED: I tried to convince him to use toilet roll for decoration, but we decided the plate was good enough.
AW: I tried to convince him to use a cheese roll.

SG: If anyone's going to the Minghole, firstly, what are you thinking?

SG: Peter, will you marry me?

PJ (to AW): I studied people like you for my A-level psychology.

AP: What was the loo-roll game?
HL: We don't have enough loo-roll.
AP: Good game!

JF: Esther's Study Bible doesn't go to the toilet.

AW: What's better than porn?

AK: I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic.
SG: Is that "dyslexic" spelt wrong?

AW: My husband better be prepared for a cow.

SG (to AP): Initially I thought you should cut your hair, and now if you did I think I'd lose a lot of respect for you.

PJ (re Pingu): That's what Amy reminds me of when she's trying to explain something.

JS: Can you tell the time with Pooh, Peter?

CBC (to JS): You sound much more masculine in Spanish. So do I.

ED: Eww! I hate the idea of Jesus watching in the shower.

ED: I keep forgetting that we're in Ecuador. I think we're in England and then I see a Quechuan and think, "What are you doing here?" Then I remember.

ED (to SG): What are you doing under the covers to our Sarah?

SG: Just to warn you, tomorrow I will be saying "Make it stop" quite a lot. Mainly in the church service, but not just confined to that.

JS: I like my poos to be presentable.

SG: Please leave the snore house.

AK: Can we start a jogging club?
AP: Only if you jog with a bush on your back. It's culturally sensitive.

ED: The think I find most attractive about men is a wedding ring on a nice hand.

ED (misheard): Quotes taste so good.

AK: Ah, that's what the melony smell has been: it's melon.

(Translated from Spanish)
Woman preaching: Why has God put us on this Earth?
Rosita (sotto voce): To eat!

AW (to AK): Makeup won't make you pretty.

HL: I can't cope with this stupid Bible.

SG: First of all, without looking at your Bibles because this isn't going to be a Biblically based discussion...

PJ: "Right, I'm Steve. Ground rules: no praying in tongues."
SG: "And especially no prophecies about being a rubbish teacher."

SG (defining quote for Gatazo Chico): Is God punishing us with a plague of flies?

JS: Doesn't free fairtrade chocolate kind of defeat the point?

HL: You know what? Colossians doesn't really inspire dramas.

SB: As far as I'm aware Jesus didn't have a poncho.

AK (re sleeping bags): Mine's a five-season.
PJ: There aren't five seasons.
AK: I got it in America.

ED: Alcoholics Anomalous is on TV?

ED: I hate youth leaders.
PJ: You said I should be one.

AW: It's like groping your breasts just to see they're still there.

AW: Who wants to look like the chicken.

Biblical explanation for our diet in Gatazo: "The streams of God are filled with water to provide the people with corn, for so you have ordained it." - NIV: Ps 65: 9

PT (translating the Reina Valera version of Proverbs 26:18): Like a man driven crazy throwing up llamas...

PJ: I love it when you do that, Jon, because you can't do it.

AP: This is "red herring". It's pink, but you get the idea.

AP (to AW): Oh yeah, you need a real Bible.

AP: So basically there's no meaning to anything we do because we're all going to die.
JS: Let's read that to the chicken tonight.

AP: In Romans - I'm not going to read the whole thing, don't worry...

JS: I feel like an old man stripping.
ED: I should pray for my grandpa.

SB: You've got filthy hands.
JS: I know. There's nothing I can do about it. I could wash them...

JS: I feel like the Horse Whisperer for chicken.

JS: At last! One of the girls from the church fancies me.

JS: It's like I'm farting Lynx.

AW: Reminds me of home. My Mum would kill me if she heard me say that.

ED (to PT, re NIV: Gen 7): You were one of the animals, weren't you? Did I mention that I believe in reincarnation...?

JS: I'm trying to think whether I've suffered more for having ginger hair than for being a Christian... I think I have.

AW: It's not about you: it's about me.
JS: That's what all girls say to me!

AP: This is my brothel.

SB: I just get thrown by women singing.

PT (re eyebrow-plucking): Jonny, this sort of thing should be saved for Lads' Night.

SB: It looks like I'm some sort of fattie who raids the fridge and can't keep out of it.

ED (misheard, to PT): You sound so funny with your married voice.

JS: I donīt think they cover their rooms with trees.

SB: We look like we're worshipping cement.

PT: Weren't you talking to Steve?
ED: Yes, but he looks like a girl, so I said "Bonita".

AP: La próxima dinámica se llama "Dormiendo"... [The next game is called "Sleeping"...]

AP: The problem with a Quechuan prayer vigil is that their language takes twice as long to say anything.

ED: Stupid doxy takes your tan away. Why did I even do Step?

SB: I thought "amoeba" was supposed to be a small friendly thing.

AW: What morning show does everyone watch in England?
SG: The one o'clock news.

PJ: Am I going to Jesus?

ED (misheard): I don't want to go to the Dark Side.

AW: Hasta ma-never!

PT: [The USA] don't have any embassies around here to firebomb.
AK: I remember doing that!

AW (misheard): Now you don't have to carry your willy!

SB: Oh my gosh, your summary's huge.
AW: It's lots of crossings out.

HL: Jonny, we love ginger pubes!

JF: Let's go and be cool and knowledgeable and Christian and Jesus.

SB: How's the rabbit.
PT: Alive. Sitting there. I think it shows a distinct lack of imagination.

JS (to HL): Then I pooed on you.

Bolivar (to JS): Are you breastfeeding Gringo, like Amy?

HL: How many heads of broccoli would we put in a stew?
SG: Judging by Jonny's wind...

AK: Shall we put all his boxers up?

AK (to JF): You look like something from a Nativity play gone wrong.

Bolivar: I know how to cook everything.
PT: Duck à l'orange?
Bolivar: Put a duck in an orange.
PT: It would have to be a small duck.
Bolivar: Put the orange in the duck.

PJ: Is there anything anyone wants done on the Internet?
JS: Like washing?

HL: I am eating yoghurt from a bowl with no yoghurt in.

AP: Anna, don't touch me. I've got clean clothes on.

AK: I won't pinch your bum at Momentum. I'll get someone else to do it.

SB (to AK): Can I be a fly on the wall when you decide to seduce someone?

SB: I can play all kinds of farmyard animals, obese or not.
SG: I know it's not in the Bible, but could you be an Oompa-Loompa in this play?

ED (to PT): I could see your bum-cheeks most of the day.

AK: Do redheads go grey early?
JS: I hope so.

ED: Jonny, how do you flirt?

SB: You know what would make devotions interesting? Alcohol!

SB: Andy was so happy to find a carrot which looks like Peter.

SG: Now I know what you're thinking: "That probably isn't a ship in Biblical times," but I'm the one with the history degree.

SG: Jonah doesn't like the sailors; he thinks they're a bit gay, but that's not a major issue.

(Pronounciations of "Yahweh")
SG: Yakweh.
AP: Yagweh.

SG: At this point we'll have a bit of audience participation: you have to choose between the Biblically based ending with a fish, or the one where Gringo eats Jonah.

AP: Hay voluntarios de entre los papas? [Are there any volunteers from among the potatoes?]

SB (to HL): You only have a five o'clock shadow.

SB: Hombre, mmm.....

All girls: Más, menos, más, menos!

SB: Se llama gravy!

AK: If you want to kiss a ming man, you can kiss Andy any time.

AW (misheard): Is Hell nocturnal?

JS: Heaven's definitely not the boys' room.

PJ: Where's Judgement Day?
SB: Try looking in my liner.

ED: Peter so looks like the Devil.

AK: My mate Kev's moving to Guildford.
JS: Kev?
AK: Yes.
JS: People called Kev don't live in Guildford.

AK: I can't run out of money.
PJ: Have you got that much?
AK: I'm not married yet!

CBC (emphatically): There's nothing wrong with diarrhoea.

JS: We're talking about getting cursed by naked people.

AW: What's the last thing you'd think Anna would put in the freezer? ... Toilet paper, perhaps?

JS: Maestro's in bed with Sarah; check him out.

AW (to AP): When I come to stay with you can we go flexing?

JS: I think I'll be a bit bored of watching Andy pull women... No, I'll never get bored of it.

AK (to PJ): Okay, I know you're ill, but do you use seven rolls of toilet paper?

PJ: I've never been told I look like Noddy before.

AK: I was the only girl in the village.

AK: You must have taken a brick out of a wall before.

SG: Anna, you are on so many government lists.

AW (to AK): I can't exactly imagine you explaining anything in one sentence.

PJ: I've solved all the world problems.
AP: You and Jen?
PJ: Nope. That's way too difficult.

JS (to AW): Are you using your Gringo voice on me?

JS: Is this a farting seminar or a fasting one?

AW (re fasting from sex): I've done that!

AK: But you write on your hand, "Chocolate == God".

SB: Do you think everyone's called to fast food?

ED: You will be blessed in your prayer life through farting.

JS (to AW): We wouldn't rape you!

PJ: Have you taught God the correct table manners?

SG: I have to get to know a new team. I need social skills.

AW: Jonny, you are so much hotter than that.

HL: But then Sarah will give us evils. In the dark. She manages it somehow.

CBC: You can suck on their bums.

SG: I know packing isn't going well when I'm looking for secret compartments in my bag.

JS: You can't make lettuce.
ED: If you're God or Sainsbury's...

AK: Your body temperature loses your head.

SG: I had to get married a second time.

AW: I'll sing extra-holily.

Unknown ex-Strider: If you are interested in Stride you can pick up one of these leaflets which tells you how to find a wife inside.

PT: Is this cage-fighting practice?

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