StuartFraser/FOQuotes

It is highly unlikely that anybody other than me will understand, much less me amused by, many of these. They are collected comments from the discussion boards at www.footballoutsiders.com and on the various IRC channels #FO that spring up to discuss games.

IRC Quotes

Week 2

[odd penalty]
Vash: PENALTY on PHI, Ineligible Downfield Kick
Vash: Ineligible Downfield Kick?
David: The ball was ineligible?
Vash: What's he supposed to do, punt it sideways?

Commentator: "This is their last and final timeout"

[01:57] Fnor: GIVE IT TO COOLEY
[01:57] Fnor: ... please
[01:58] Fnor: ...
[pause whilst the next few plays happen]
[02:01] Fnor: okay, I'll clarify: THROW IT TO COOLEY IN A FASHION THAT CREATES A REASONABLE PROBABILITY OF HIM CATCHING IT

[Mark Brunell throws the ball to nobody in particular]
Fnor: oh, it was a good route... there just wasn't anyone running it

[another refeering call]
Paralis: attempted holding? Now what is that, really?
Paralis: do they give a nobel prize for attempted chemistry?

Not original. I've seen it used on TheSimpsons?, for one (SideshowBob? is in jail for attempted murder). --CH

: The only difference, then, being that this version is actually funny. --SF

Week 5
[18:34] mactbone: hey! today the turner brothers face off!
[18:35] mactbone: Norv vs. Ron - you think Norv is resentful that his brother got a normal name?
[18:35] Ilanin: Don't you think that having a weird name is a pretty good start for a career in the NFL?

[18:47] NewsToTom?: SF was looking good for a while
[18:47] Travis: when was that?
[18:47] lk6: 1993 I guess

[referencing a High School rule about pointlessly extending hopeless mismatches which sometimes happen at that level in the US, and the way that his Chicago Bears blatantly stopped trying up 41-0 against San Fransisco]:
[19:29] Ilanin: Lovie Smith is worried about being suspended for running up the score.

[21:13] Snowglare: People outside of Ohio should not have to watch the Browns play. On behalf of my state, I apologize.

[discussing a penalty call]
[22:03] Ilanin: Oooh, "unabated to the quarterback"
[22:03] Ilanin: ie, "Not just offside but really freaking stupid too"
[22:03] Snowglare: Someone abate that man!

[22:03] Snowglare: The Rams are winning, they just don't know it yet.

[22:16] NewsToTom?: He didn't slip, he was tackled by the turf

[01:13] MFurtek: "Unecessary roughness" should actually include some type of rough play
[01:14] Fnor: depends on the level of roughness that's necessary

Week 9

[Rep. Shuler is a former, not tremendously successful, NFL quarterback]
[20:11] nilblog: Heath Shuler didn't throw an interception for a defensive touchdown on election day? wow.

Week 12

[18:14] langsty: Falcons just ran my favorite play - Vick runs up the middle, ball pops out of hands like a loaf of bread, left tackle falls on it for four yard gain

Outsiders and Messageboard Quotes

MDS: "Their roster has one fundamental problem: it doesn't have enough good players on it."

Passim: "In conclusion, I have no point and I don't know what I'm talking about."

DrewTS?: "I must agree with #59. Yes, she’s a demon succubus, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hit it."

['clutch' is an Americanism for performing in high-pressure situations]
Bobman: "And in a low-scoring tight contest where field position is of paramount importance, both teams have good clutch kickers (Vinatieri was kicking my car’s transmission just last week)"

Pat: "When in doubt, root against the idiots that are actually wrong."

Trogdor: "You know the old saying. Once is luck, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern, and four times is shut up and stop whining you freaking whining whiner. Or something similar - I don’t remember Chinese proverbs very well."

Rob: Ahhh.. that’s how you know it’s the offseason: we have been threadjacked by a debate on the POTENTIAL RACISM OF SOCK-CHANGING.

Mike Tanier: "As a general rule, the phrase "more aggressive than Bill Parcells" should be greeted with suspicion, unless it's a description of a Visigoth warlord."

The Irrational Brady-Manning Thread
Suffisit to say that quotes here are all part of intentionally silly arguments.

"“Tom Brady” anagrams to TARDY MOB, “Peyton Manning” anagrams to GIN NON-PAYMENT. I think this clearly shows the superiority of Brady - you don’t argue with a mob, no matter how late it is."

[New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is famous for listing practically his entire squad as "questionable"]
"Delusion? Please. Brady has had a shoulder injury for every game he has played in the NFL. Just check the injury reports."

"Brady just rules when it comes to the intangibles. His intangibles are so obvious, you could reach out and touch them."

"What is anyone even trying to say with the “soft quarterback” thing? Exactly what part of him is soft?"
-"Not his heart, as he spends his freetime killing puppies and o-linemen who’ve missed blocks."

"If I had to go through life with a first name like “Peyton,” I’d wear that ugly expression all the time too."

[Brett Favre is a quarterback]
"Tom Brady is the Brett Favre of quarterbacks"

"It would be better if Peyton/Colt? fans just admitted that in the small sample size that is the NFL playoffs, Manning has been pretty damn awful when his opponent has not been the Denver Broncos."
-"You forgot Kansas City. And Poland."

"Peyton Manning can change the weather with his mind and wrote the screenplay to Glitter."

"The Colts losses come from when the defense implodes, and no one player can overcome that."
-"20-3. Three. Three three three three three."

"Tom Brady can predict the names of peoples children and pick people who are allergic to peanut butter out of a lineup."

[to 'throw x under the bus' is a US idiom I've not heard over here meaning to put all the blame for a negative event on x]
"Peyton Manning actually threw his mother under the Tennessee bus. This is why we see Archie Manning in commercials but never Mrs. Manning."
-"But it sure was a pretty throw under the bus, cause you know Manning and the bus spend Friday afternoons working on their patterns."
-"I now totally want to see Peyton Manning literally throw his offensive linemen under a bus. We’ve got computer generated imagery. We can reanimate the dessicated corpse of Pat Summerall. Surely, we can get Peyton to throw a LG under a bus."

Also, Peyton Manning claims to be a Christian but is actually working to summon great Shub-Niggurath, mother of a thousand hellspawn, to devour our sweet fleshy bits.

Have I mentioned that Brady stole your girlfriend in high school? I just thought you should know.

[referencing events in the 2005 playoffs]
"If you had to rely on Peyton Manning to throw a linemen under the bus in a crucial situation, he would choke. Tony Dungy would have to bring in ace clutch-kicker Mike Vanderjagt to kick the linemen under the bus, and of course, Vanderjagt would kick the linemen wide right."
-"Actually, though, I really disagree with trying to throw the lineman under the bus now, with only a minute thirty to go. They should just kneel on the lineman and then throw him under the bus in overtime."