Rachel, to Annabel: What's mummy like? Annabel: Lovely! Rachel: Aw, thank you! So, what's daddy like? Annabel: <thinks> Old.
I leave for work and wave goodbye "Bye-bye daddy. Thank you coming to visit us!"
"Jesus <toy bunny> is in his manger <pink sparkly cowboy hat> and he's fwying, he needs his lightsaber."
To her best friend "Do you like having curly hair?"
In response to being told that Jesus went up to heaven "Does Jesus have an aeroplane then?"
When someone at a group tried to hold her hand "NO! We are NOT crossing the road now."-
"Well, I would help you, Mummy, but I'm a bit busy at the moment. I wonder if I put these down... (puts toys down)' Ah! Now I can help!"
"But why is God everywhere?"
"Mummy's going to go to the hospital and the baby will come out and say 'Boo!'"
"How do we get thunder? Can you explain? I think it might be a bit difficult for you, Mummy."
"Let's turn the imagibrations <vibrations> on."
In a restaurant, while we finish Sunday lunch "I'm going to draw a blue tractor for you Daddy. There's its willy, because it's a boy."
"Oh no, I'm the wrong way angle."
Annabel: Mummy's doing her job. Me: what's that? Annabel: Looking after Benjamin, Daddy's job is looking after computers Me: and what do you do? Annabel: I look after you, Mummy!
"Oh, I've got pins and noodles in my foot."
Annabel is in bed. We hear her singing over the monitor There were two in the bed and the little one said - roll over! Roll over! THUMP It transpires that Annabel was playing "There were ten in the bed" with her toy bunny - and had put the bunny further from the edge of the bed. Yes, she rolled herself out of bed.
Annabel: I'm taking the Sunday School register. Mummy, can you tell me who's there? Rachel: Have you got Harriet? What about Bethany? Annabel: No, thank you, I'll write them down. Rachel: Would you like me to spell them for you? Annabel: No, I can't write Mummy, so I'm just drawing squiggly lines.
"Fred and Tabby are both Bill's <all soft toys> friendly things."
We all start heading upstairs. I'm delayed a little taking my shoes off "Daddy, don't forget yourself!"
Rachel: There were only two of you at gymnastics today. Annabel: Why were there only two of me?
Me (driving), to Chel: I need to turn right, but I'm not sure I can... it depends what the other traffic's doing... Annabel: Mostly, driving.
Rachel: We're going to have a barbecue and invite your friend Friend A. Annabel: Can we invite Daddy too? He's very nice. He's me friend too.
Annabel: I'm excited about Saturday. Saturday we're going to have an exciting barbecue! Rachel: Do you know what a barbecue is? Annabel: No... Could you tell me?
Annabel: What colour are owls? Rachel: Brown or white or grey. Annabel: Could you tell me some more colours for owls? Rachel: I don't think there are any others. Annabel: I'll ask daddy. He'll know. Rachel: You think daddy knows everything, don't you? Annabel (puzzled, as if it's obvious): Yes? That's because he does.
Rachel and Annabel are going to visit a friend, who has asked to borrow some flour Rachel: I'm just going to pack the flour. Annabel: No mummy, when you're a visitor you bring flowers, not flour.
I have done something mildly incompetent Rachel: Oh dear, Annabel. What are we going to do with Daddy? Annabel: Maybe we should put him in a cupboard or something.
Chris: ... so you will sit on the naughty step for two minutes. Annabel: No! I want to sit on it for eight minutes!
Annabel: Can I have my blue handkerchief? ... No, I want my green one. I swapped my mind.
One of Annabel's favourite ladies from her groups is getting baptised. We have told her about this. Annabel: Why is she getting black-ties'd? Annabel sees the lady at church, giving her testimony Annabel: Mummy, why isn't she wearing her black ties?
Annabel's friend: Mummy, can I have a snack? Friend's mum: What's the magic word? Friend: Please. Annabel: Mummy, <friend>'s mummy doesn't know what the magic word is! <Friend> had to tell her!
Friend's mum is holding Benjamin Rachel: I might have to take him back if he gets hungry. Annabel: No, it's OK mummy, <friend's mum> has boobies too.
Rachel: Who put all these roundabouts in the road? Annabel: I came out before I went to sleep and stuck down some glue and made them on top. Rachel: What did you make them with? Annabel: Polar bears and Lions. And a leopard. And lots of cats. Rachel: Oh! Did someone help you? Annabel: Yes. Christopher Robin. From the Pooh book.
We turn on the TV. It's showing BBC News, where a policeman is being interviewed outside New Scotland Yard Annabel: Oh! It's [Balamory]!
Aged 3
Annabel: Why can't boys have babies? Rachel: Because they don't have the special space in their tummies to grow babies. pause, while Annabel cogitates Annabel: Er... mummy, even if they did have the special growing space, the babies wouldn't fit out their willies! Mummy, why are you laughing? Is it because willies are funny?
Annabel: Shh, mummy. I'm having a conversation with daddy. (looks around)... Oh! Daddy's not here! Mummy: No, he's at work. Annabel: Mummy, I said "Shh"! I'm having a conversation with daddy!
Annabel (singing): It's the most hilarious ham in the world! <I wonder - Brian Blessed?>
We give Annabel some trail mix we've concocted to try Annabel: What's this? Rachel: It's a cranberry. Annabel: What's this? Chris: It's a sunflower seed. Annabel: What's this? Rachel: It's a pumpkin seed. Annabel: What's this? Chris: It's a Rice Crispie. Annabel: What's this? Rachel: ... perhaps this wasn't a good idea.
Annabel: If you were a cat, mummy, you'd be sitting next to me, and you'd be a cat, and I'd be allergic to you, and I'd be sniffy, and I'd be saying "Where's my mummy?", so it's good you're not a cat.
Annabel: Ow! You hurt me putting me in the car seat too fast, mummy. Chel: Oh, I'm sorry. Annabel: It's all right, I forgive you mummy. And God forgives you too.
Annabel: I'm going to look after Lily today. And God. Chel: Why are you going to look after God? Annabel: He looks after us all the time, so I'm going to look after him today.
We've taught Annabel to put her hand up when she wants to talk if we are (after many frustrating interruptions). So she put her hand up in church during the notices...
Annabel: Mummy, I'm hungry. Chel ferrets about in the change bag and finds a tub of mini rice cakes. Chel: Would you like these? (nod) Shall I just give you the tub? Annabel: And the rice cakes, Mummy. Later... Annabel: Nom Nom.
Annabel: Mummy, why are the swans moley? (scones mouldy)
Rachel: I want to talk to you about Christmas. Now, obviously Jesus is the most important person, but who else comes at Christmas? Annabel: God! Rachel: Yes, God is important too. But who's the person who comes and wears red at Christmas? Annabel: Oh, [Susie Sweet]!
Annabel: When I'm older, I'm going to live on my own, when I'm about 4. Rachel: A bit older than that. Annabel: Five! Rachel: Ok, a lot older than 4. Annabel: Oh... six.
Annabel: My cheek hurts because I fell over on it. Rachel: Keep rubbing it, then. Annabel starts crying a little Chris: What's the matter? Annabel: I won't be able to eat, because I need both hands!
Rachel: You're a silly sausage! Annabel (genuinely upset): Oh no, now I can't eat breakfast! Rachel: ... why not? Annabel: Sausages don't have mouths.
Annabel (singing): The wheels on the duck go round and round, round and square, round and square (giggle)
Annabel: I think that crab must be gravity. Chris: ...Why? Annabel: Because it's pink. Is gravity pink?
This quote defines Annabel Annabel: Bunnies are my favourite thing in the world. I think about them all day. When I'm lying in bed, I think about them.
Rachel: What would you like for lunch? Annabel: No. Rachel <tongue-in-cheek>: "No"? No with mashed potato? Annabel: No, mummy. I want something like food!
A prayer by Annabel. It is worth noting that we haven't had popadoms for at least a week. Dear Father God and Jesus, Thank you for all the food I have to eat, especially smarties and poppadoms. I am very sorry that I screamed at gymnastics and pretended to be a mole in a tunnel when I was supposed to be singing. Please look after any dogs who have hurt themselves, and any cats too. Amen.
Singing... Oh what fun it is to ride on a one whore soap and sleigh!
We've bought Annabel a charity gift of rabbits for Christmas. Annabel is a little upset she doesn't get to personally deliver the rabbit Rachel: So, I'm afraid you don't get to see the rabbit. They send it out to people who don't have any rabbits, places where they don't have many clothes or much food. Annabel: Oh... Like Yorkshire.
We've bought Annabel a toddler-proof mp3 player; I've recorded the Winnie-the-Pooh stories onto it Annabel: How did daddy's voice get squished into the tape player? <later>: If the tape player breaks, what will happen to daddy's voice?
Annabel has been a bit... vigorous in the bath Chris: Careful! You're getting daddy and Benjamin wet! Annabel: Sorry. I should be careful of mummy too. Chris : Yes, you should. Annabel: And the Queen.
Annabel: I'm an angel. I've turned my halo on, so I can see in the dark, like the trains turn their lights on. Rachel: No, darling, angels always have their haloes on. And they can see in the dark anyway. Annabel: Wow... Mummy, angels are so clever.
Annabel: Come on Mr. Poo, come out. <Aside, to daddy; very matter-of-fact> I'm talking to my poo.
Annabel: These are my three turtles: Squirt <as in Finding Nemo>, Wirty and Stethoscope.
Annabel: When I was asleep, there were loads of bunnies bouncing around me! Chris: Oh, did you have a dream? Annabel: Yes. They were following stars to Bunnyland. At Bunnyland, they got new ears and new paws. Bunnyland's an airport, so the bunnies climbed into the aeroplanes and they put on their own bunny seatbelts! I think the bunnies must be very brave, because aeroplanes don't have a normal <toilet> flusher, do they?
Annabel: I'm building Mount Everest for the girls
Chel: is Mummy feeling ill? Annabel's best friend: Yes, but it's ok, she's only a bit poorly, she hasn't got a disease like Annabel's Mummy.
Aged 3 1/2
Annabel (apropos of nothing): Have a guess Chris(amused): 73? Chel: is that right? Annabel: yes, of course!
Chel: what would you like on your porridge? Annabel: brown sugar and pear Chel: we don't have any pears Annabel: oh, I know...prawns! (after a lot of confusion we established she meant prunes)
Chris: He's feeling a bit under the weather Annabel: why doesn't he like the wind?
Annabel: "What does it say on your t-shirt Mummy?" Chel: "it says I went to Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge" Annabel: "Wow Mummy! I didn't know you went to silly sausage college!"
spelling out the phrase "bottomless pit" that Chris has written in bath letters Annabel: B-O-T BOT, T-O-M TOM, L-E-SS LESS Chris: now put it together Annabel: BUMLESSON!
Chel: You do say the silliest things, Annabel. Annabel: Quack.
Chris: You do have a very comfy bed. Annabel: The duvet's very comfy, but the sheet isn't. Well, the sheet's quite soft, it's just a little bit... ... savoury.
Annabel has 6 model Disney princesses Annabel: Snow White is their granddad, and the others are his children. 'Would you like to look in my pumpkin sack?' says Snow White.
Annabel: No wonder I'm running around like a headless chicken, I've got a sore leg!
Annabel: I'm precocious and sesquipedalian.
Annabel: I've got a song jiggetting about in my head. Do you like that word, mummy? It's Piglet's word, but I think I can borrow it.
Annabel: I think squares are so beautiful, don't you, Mummy? Chel: What do you like about them? Annabel: The way they have 3 corners.
Chel: Can you go into my bag and get the shoes? Annabel: I will get them, mummy, but I will not climb in your bag.
Annabel: Can I have something else to eat? Chel: Yes, but it needs to be a piece of fruit. You can have an orange, an apple or a banana. Annabel: I want a tomato, because a tomato is a fruit because it has seeds in.
Annabel: The Little Mermaid swam in. "Sorry I'm late, I was riding a goat."
Annabel: Have you ever seen a slug angel? Chel: ...no? Annabel: I've seen a chicken angel.
Annabel: Oh, I know what that is! I've seen one before! ... What is it? Chel: Look, it's gymnastics. I think it's a leopard. Annabel: Oh, I know Mummy. It's a leopard doing gymnastics.
Annabel: Why don't leopards do gymnastics in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs around them.
Aged 4
Annabel: It's not fair! You never let me look at Benji's poo.
Annabel: Can I have something to play with? Chel: How about an invisible phone? Annabel: Ok! An invisible phone changes hands Annabel (wailing): I can't see it!
Annabel: Ooh, I've pushed the tooth fairy up my trouser leg!
Annabel: It's Belle's wedding day, so that's why she's tied to the balloon string.
Annabel: What would you like for Christmas Mummy, maybe a iron? would an iron be an exciting present Mummy? Chel: I have an iron thanks Annabel. Annabel: is is all worn out Mummy, do you need a new, exciting one? Chel: no, mine is fine thanks Annabel: well what would be the best present ever for you? <Best friend>'s Mum gets special pills for Christmas, <Best friend> says. (we later established for her best friend's Mum that she was getting a Tablet computer...phew!)
Chel(tongue in cheek after Benji spread banana everywhere): Yuck... you are a vile and disgusting baby! Annabel: MUMMY!....he's not a baby.
Annabel: It's alright Mummy, my nipples aren't feeling at all wheezy.
One of the lions at the zoo has "gone to lion heaven". At every other enclosure where an animal isn't visible: Annabel: Maybe it's gone to <animal> heaven.
We drive past two late-middle-aged oriental ladies with startlingly white hair Annabel: Look, those ladies have white hair. I think they're going to die.
Annabel: Oh, Benji's left his catarrh on the floor. Chris: So he has. And it's "guitar." Annabel: No, daddy, it really is "catarrh". Chris: No, it's "guitar". I've been speaking this language a lot longer than you have. Annabel: No you haven't, daddy. It's catarrh.
Annabel: It's probably a good thing tigers don't eat everything they find, otherwise they might displode!
Annabel: Daddy, Mary Poppins really is very... nannial.
Annabel: Its whistle is the only way the runaway train can email me up. <I think this is by analogy with "call someone up". I think>
Annabel: I think I'll go to university when I'm about eleven. Chel: Most people don't start university until they're 18. Annabel <deeply unsure>: Hrmm.
Annabel <looking at ATM>: Mummy, that says "Sainsbury's", but what does it say after it? Chel: "Finance", which is things to do with money. Random old lady: That's a big word for a small child! Annabel: No, I'm sesquipedalian. Lady: Did you make that one up, dear? Annabel: Nooo? It means I like long words, like "Finance". Daddy is too.
Annabel: Dragons would be worse than monsters, because a dragon would just fly right over our gate without being invited.
Annabel is talking into a glass in a strange way Chel: You sound like a little alien Annabel Annabel: No I don't! Chel: I think you do, a cute little alien Annabel: No Mummy, how many aliens have you met? None, exactly, so you wouldn't know.
Annabel: I'm so hot. I'm as hot as a feather in very hot honey.
Annabel loves jokes. However, she's not very good at making them up... Annabel: Why do monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs, so they put a cage round them so they'd be safe. Annabel: Why don't lambs play on the farm? Because there are too many cheetahs. They play in the barn instead.
Annabel: I'm friends with <friend A>, mummy, because she's coming to play today. I found out that <friend B> is friends with her too! Isn't that lovely? It's like a big love circle.
Annabel is sitting on Chel's lap when she receives a text message Annabel: Oh no Mummy, my bottom is buzzing!
Annabel: That's a nice photo of Daddy Mummy, you should put it on Facebook.
Annabel <panicking>: Mummy! Mummy, something's gone terribly wrong. I really sorry mummy. It's gone very wrong. Chel: What's happened? Annabel: I was trying to change the video, and I got the wrong remote, and I changed the television and now it's on an adult channel! It's very very bad, Mummy. It turned out to be BBC News 24. Whew.
Annabel and Benjamin are listening to a CD of Disney Princess music. It's currently playing "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Cinderella Benjamin: ...tee. Annabel: Oh! Mummy! He said tea! He must be thinking "it's on Cinderella, and after that it's Beauty and the Beast, and in that film there's a teapot". That'll be why he said "tea".
Chel: Hurry up, Annabel! Annabel: I'm hurrying up as fast as I can!
Our friends are having twins Annabel: I think she's having a boy and a girl. Chel: No, she's having two boys. Annabel: Oh. In that case, I think she should name them different names.
We're about to go on holiday to Turkey Chel <to me>: Well, they're two hours ahead, so it wouldn't be a crazy idea to put them to bed an hour late and get them up an hour late. Annabel: It wouldn't be a crazy idea to blame the Cinnamon Grahams. <goes on eating>
Annabel: ... do they have food in Turkey? Chel: Yes. Turkey's a big country with lots of people in. Annabel: Ah, yes. So if they didn't have food they'd all starve and die.
Annabel: In Old Jack's Boat they call Shelley a mermaid because she's always baking cakes.
Proof that Annabel has got used to living with me Annabel: Daddy, could you put my bike helmet on? <pause> Me.
Annabel's primary school has taught the pupils a Catholic prayer, including the sign of the cross Annabel: You see, Daddy, it makes the shape of the cross. You're not just touching yourself while you pray.
Aged 5
Annabel: It's enormous! It's ugandic!
While reading a school reading book Annabel: "'It's lovely' said Biff." <looks at picture> I think she's being sarcastic, mummy.
Annabel: Isn't it funny how, in Timbuktu, you get all these little peas! confused pause Chris: ... Did you mean mange tout?
Annabel: Daddy you're a very good cook. I think, with a bit more practice, you might get a job in McDonalds.
Annabel (apropos of nothing): I do have a very big mouth; but I'm sorry to say that I don't think I could fit an elephant into it.
Annabel while we're driving: Muuummy, I'm really hungry. When I get home can I wear my new pants?
Annabel while reading an Easter book: Then, lots of soldiers and <pauses for an unfamiliar word - 'priests'> p... r... Pirates! arrived.
Annabel (apropos of nothing):I wonder what it would be like to be a cucumber.
Rachel: Are you still enjoying Rainbows? Annabel: Do you mean the rainbows in the sky or Rainbows the group that I go to? Because they're both rainbows. But I have to say, mummy, that I do still enjoy rainbows, in the sky. And I am still enjoying Rainbows, the group that I go to.
Annabel (upon entering the bathroom): Oh! Someone's already iced my toothbrush.
Chris: I didn't know Tyrrell's made popcorn. Annabel: Squirrels?!
We pass a sculpture at the local secondary school showing 5 religious symbols Chris: I thought there were 6 in the curriculum? What's missing? Rachel: Erm... Sikhism. Annabel: What's Sikhism? Oh! It's Harry Potter's job, isn't it. Seeker-ism.
Annabel (discussing the groups in her new school year): <Best friend> is an Alien, and I'm a Planet. <Best friend> said she'd have to stand on me. Rachel: Oh, that's not nice! Tell her you're a hot planet. Annabel: Ooh! Or I could tell her I'm made of gas, like a gas giant! Chris: Annabel? High five! In the end, she decided she preferred solid and hot; so she decided to be Mercury.
Rachel: I'll be back Friday night, so you can cook something quick and easy for me. Annabel: Or you might like something long and hard.
I have demonstrated a very simple "magic trick" Annabel: Wow, daddy. Can you do anything else? Can you pull a rabbit out of a hat? Chris: Only if there's a rabbit in it to start with. Annabel: You're rubbish, daddy.
Annabel: Defeated again, Benji, by your own lollipop!
Annabel: I know this isn't a dream, daddy; because, if it was, we'd all be fairies.
Age 6
While in absolute floods of tears Annabel: I don't want any of the rabbits to eat cheese!
Chel: How's your new book, "the magic faraway tree"? Have you started it yet? Annabel: yes, it's about a tree Chris: is it far away and magic? Annabel (surprised): YES!
Age 7
We're sure Annabel said some strange things, but we failed to note them down.
Age 8
Annabel, angrily: No, I don't want to be cool! I just want to be weird!
At a fireworks display: Annabel: Mummy, did you know fireworks are science?! Chel: Yes, they are. Annabel: ... science is sooo beautiful.
Age 9
On being picked up and swung around Annabel: Woo-Whom!
I'm not evil! I don't want to kill people; I just really love bunnies.
Chel: I think we should get you a nice winter coat. What do you think of these ones (showing list on eBay) Annabel: Ooh, I like that swede one!
Age 10
Go and put your wand away, magical penguin, you don't have opposable thumbs.
Rachel: Do you know what The Great Depression is? Annabel: No, I haven't been to secondary school.
Annabel: So basically, I'm brilliant.
Rachel: Could you go to the corner shop and buy me some eggs? Annabel: Sure. I'd better take two baskets.
Age 11
Benji goes to pick up and drink a small glass of salad dressing Chris: Don't drink that. You will regret it. Annabel: No, you will vinaigrette it.
Age 12
Annabel: So, we level up, and you become Jesus? Rachel & me: Yes, pretty much.
Age 13
Annabel: I think I just impersonated a whale nipple.
Annabel: I'm not stupid, I'm just butter.
Annabel: I just about understand muffins.
Age 14
Annabel: Such possibilities for the night are open! I should like to oil my ears.
Dictionary of Annabel Curlifiers: An electrically heated device used to impart ringlets into hair Squeezy bus: The sort of long bus that flexes about its midpoint for better cornering.
Recently, this was described instead as a "scrunchy bus"
Lookaftering: The present continuous tense of "to look after".
Career Aspirations: Age 2: Lolly pop lady or the person who "puts the wings back on aeroplanes" - though its not entirely clear how the wings came off. Age 3-4: Vulcanologist Age 4 1/2: TV scientist Age 5: Artist
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