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Rating system in use.  Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol.  Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of.  Those with several ~s may at some point be removed.  Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "Image: 46 ~~ Image: 46" is more informative than if it had no markings.


james: It's always good to chat
- alex: Except if you're in a room with voice-triggered laser beams pointing at you


~ alan: I think the cows must be CompScis

random student: Vote for me, and claim your free haddock!


mike: He has tragically metamorphosed into a sofa

alex: It ought to be hard to do origami in an intimidating fashion
- dave: This is martial origami...

Image: 46 morag: She took the car up north and it burst into flame?
- dave: Seems a perfectly reasonable response to going up north...

~ alan: I should be more organised, then I'd get more coffee

alan: I guess a quote had to come out of a conversation about coffee-caused discontinuities in spacetime

alan: What is it that you will say at 21:32 on Jan 2nd 2031? - I will forgotten.


~ stuart: A move for moving would at least get you somewhere

angela: Do you see the large gap between my eyes and the bottom of my eyebrows?


alex: ...You could create a 3/3 flying squirrel which sucks the blood from its victims. ...Which is something that needs to be done at some point...

dave: I've always wanted to nuke an insurance company

mike: At this rate, it'll take a very long time to build the whole fish

alex: Now Mike, you don't go to the UL [University Library] to borrow a library, do you?

alex: That's quite a good tongue-twister, actually... Weethlethwisk - weeflefrisk. Weethlethwisk - weeflefrisk. Weethlethwisk - weeflefrisk. Weethlethwisk - weeflefrisk...

alan: I think that the e-Geneva convention states that if cows are attacked then they have the right to defend themselves... doesn't it??!

Image: 46 matthew f: I must point out, Mike, that your own feet are also larger than the keys on your keyboard... this does not seem to affect your ability to type.


mike: If I'm going to say silly things, they should at least be under the control of my brain and not my focal cords...

mike: You could carve a knife out of cheese, and then I'd have a cheese. I mean a knife...

mike: More proof that your washing-up is gaseous.
- alex: Hmmmmm.
- mike: You sound unconvinced?
- alex: Well pardon me for thinking that my washing-up is solid-state!

alex: It lived a long and active life.  Well, as active as bubbles get.

alex: "There's no tin opener in the drawer! There's a tin opener here by the sink!  Coincidence? I think not!"

Image: 46 serge: Knickerbocker Glory... this is three pairs of pants, covered in lashings of strawberry icecream

~ morag: Angela in a bog in Scotland, being eaten by this giant iguana!

morag: Maybe they call terrorists "moo" in Russia
- angela: Maybe the cow is a terrorist


Image: 46 alex [indignantly]: I have not been hiding jelly babies in people's underwear!!

Image: 46 peter: What colour is aluminium?
- lucy: Beige...
- peter: And steel?
- lucy: Beige...
- peter: What colour are your trousers? [Lucy's trousers were undeniably beige]
- lucy: I'm wearing aluminium trousers...

alex: I'm going to introduce a tie-fighter to the ravages of cream cheese

ed: I must say, I've never cooked and made a crocodile at the same time before

ed: This way the cucumber looks a lot more like solar panels

~ alex: I'm perfectly happy with my current level of twistedness...


fiona: Most females are quite capable of manufacturing a crisis with the opposite sex (to gain an excuse to eat chocolate ice cream)

Image: 46 zuza: "Learn to Read with Cyril Squirrel"... well once he's found his blanket he might want to learn to read...

mike: Are you a secret member of the cheese liberation army or something, Alan?
- alan: Of course... but liberated to belly...


mike: It was a fruit fly experiment where the genes had gone bananas

alex: My brain-paarzing unit has shut down
- morag: Parsse. It's pronounced parsse.
- mike: He's from Daarzet, he's allowed to paarze

~ alex: Right... you take potato skin... and... you knit it!


who's afraid of the big green shrew, 
big green shrew, big green shrew, 
who's afraid of the big green shrew, lalalala laa.

Well, I am.  I'm more afraid of whoever painted it green.  Whoever paid for it to be painted green.  Whoever designed the automated giant shrew-painting machine.  Whoever bred the big shrew.

I wonder why they didn't just breed the greenness into the shrew in the first place?

Maybe...maybe... the joy of the painting was *why* they did it.

Now I'm *really* scared...

tony: It would take dedication to make a cello out of potatoes.

dave: Because you're a normal human being, you'll almost certainly have Unknown Superhuman Power


peter: Today is the first time I've ever been required by the Ten Commandments to buy some chocolate

~ mike: It's a mysterious teapot in the fog
- dave: Which you see a lot of, these days...

~ alex: Mike, why would you feed your hat on steroids?

[W] kazuhiko: Carefully add one of the bishounen to the duck mixture.

~ mike: What a good thing Lego wasn't around in the time of Dr Frankenstein

Image: 46 james: How's life?
- alex: Good, if sneezly.
- james: If sneezly does what?
- alex: Introduces himself to my tablecloth politely enough...

alex: The quote now refers to an entire teaspoon collage, and not a teaspon [sic] collage which wouldn't make much sense.


Scene: secret room in US embassy in Belgium

UN weapons inspector Hans Blix is being cross-examined by a US Intelligence representative.

"So, any nuclear weapons?"


"Biological? Anthrax, maybe?"


"Plague, ricin..?"


"Agent Orange?"

"No, none of that."

"All right.. (sigh) What do they have, then?"

There is a long pause.

"Weeeelll.. they have some goats, sir."


"Goats, sir. And there is an unconfirmed report of a cow."

Pause. The speakers exchange glances.

"Goats. All right, maybe we can use that."


"..and the UN report clearly shows that a goat fed for three weeks on brussels sprouts can contaminate an area of 400 square miles. Launched from a catapult assembly, they can fly up to 4000 feet, which is 300 feet further than permitted by UN resolution 66. These biological goats of mass destruction.."

"Weapons, sir. Weapons."

"These biological weapons of mass destruction....."

Image: 46 alex: All manufacturers of dairy produce are blessed
- serge: Holy cow...
- alex [two days later]: It got a groan from Mike, it must be good... er, bad... er, both!


alex to angela: I had this image of you cycling through Sainsbury's, talking on your mobile phone with your glove in your mouth

dave: I must admit, I have tried nailing nails into my head, and it's not fun

mike: An official letter from Silly Notes Through Your Door International Ltd, accompanied by a number of compensatory babies of the jelly variety perhaps
- alex: Ahhhhhh... Now you're speaking a language I understand!

mike: I don't think either Alex or Nokky is a nuclear reactor. Unless there's something they haven't been telling us...
- alex: I'm not a nuclear reactor. Well, not last time time I checked, anyway.


Image: 46 [W] mike: Anyone who tries to make a phone call on or type quotes into a potato ball deserves all the strange looks they get

Image: 46 steve: Alex, you weren't there for temptation, were you?
- alex: No, but I'm getting it on tape!!

steve: Right, Lydia, so far this year you have officially done zero works

mike: How many squirrels can you electrocute simultaneously?
- jan-willem: In Cambridge, quite a lot...


~ matt: Wheelie bins are always full of doom

alex: Do theoretical physicists wield weapons in such intimidating fashion?
- nagi: No, but they don't need to!
- matthew: They can demolish you with a well-formulated theory?
- nagi: At least! Even with a dodgy one they can probably rip your limbs off!

alan: I got permission to be sensible for a couple of hours.


alex: Mike, will you stop doing that?!
- mike: What...?
- alex: Outwitting me in ways that... wibble!

mike: You're trying to decide between a beautiful assistant and a loud hairy alien?
- colin [after consideration]: I think I'll keep the loud hairy alien.

Image: 46 mike: Evening!
- dave: Why, what have you done?


~ alex to mike: I don't have any rabbits on my chinny-chin-chin

alex: Yes! Yes! Woo-hoo! Someone understood me!!

angela: Cambridge graduates can't usually tell the difference between truth and reality
[She didn't quite mean that ;-) ]

alan: If I looked like a big green triangle, I don't think I'd forget
- alex: Well my *body* looked like a big green triangle, so I think it's understandable that  I'd forget what my *face* looked like

Image: 46 alex: The thoughts of any given grapefruit have quite a lot in common with the thoughts of any other grapefruit

mike: Sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep...
- alex: Mike's turned into a budgie!

mike: Alex is thinking. You can tell by the expression.
- alex: And, rather wackily, the "whirr whirr whirr" noise I happened to be making
[For entirely unconnected reasons]

Image: 46 mrs nagi: You never do anything sensible, do you?
- nagi: Yes I do!
- mr nagi: Like what?
- nagi: Erm... um... yes I do, I lock my bike in the cupboard! - I mean garage...

mike to alex: I could imagine you wearing a peach.

jeremy: My trousers are a bit tight, do you think I might be pregnant?

~ susan [instructing alex what to do with some food]: And then go squish.
- alex: I shall!


serge: I wasn't thinking of exploding, I was thinking of hacking

mike: I much more often have visitors from Mars than America

Image: 46 mike: There's a certain something to be said for making Nagi's belly play Hall of the Mountain King

alex: Any reason for that maniacal outburst of laughter?
- nagi: I do it every day!

alex to nagi: You've been getting more and more pure as time goes on and I can't believe I just said that about Nagi...!!

alex to phil: At least you're not disproving life in London!

morag: Randomly waving your legs around at people tends to keep them away

nagi: Did they look like they were carving equations into their arms with knives?!
- angela: I didn't look that closely!
- nagi: Not if they were in a newsagent, I would guess

nagi: I don't have any blood in common with furniture...


rob: She's filled up her mental chalk board, so she needs to rotate it by 90 degrees to keep going.


nagi: Damn... I'm not used to levitating opponents!

Image: 46 dave: Cats. They are creatures of habit. ...I've never actually seen a cat wearing a habit, but...

david: I was just thinking how much I'd like to be a Ranma character rather than go to work tomorrow

[misheard by alex and morag] serge: I'm uploading sheep
[He actually said: Imploding sheep. Which makes much more sense.]
- serge: You can't upload them after they've imploded...

alan: Can you really imagine tobacco smokes sitting in a pub chatting?

[W] moonshadow: Discussion is another form of abuse

nokky: While Nokky could consume the Sun, it would be detrimental to future quote production, so I'm not inclined to do so right now.

alan: I was thinking of a solar-sized donkey

alan: Are you saying that [Alan's] Belly eats more than a donkey?
- mike: Surely a donkey constitutes but a small portion of Belly's capacity?
- alan: Belly does have limits you know! Surely you didn't think he was infinite?!


dave: Self-implosion is always popular

This quote puts Nokky in mind of a very sad song..

Pam-papam-pam, pam-pam pam-param,
Papam papam pam, papapam-param
Papam papapam papaparam-param
Param papa-paraaam (pom, pom, pom..)

Oh, lah-di-di and a 1, 2, 3 (let's meet)
Eric the self-imploding sheep
a b c d e f g
The self-imploding sheep

He has white curls and he has grey paws
He walks with a waddle and he wiggles his nose
With a sad-eyed look he strikes a pose...
....and then he self-implodes.

Eric likes the trees and Eric likes the grass
Eric likes the butterflies and birds and bats
He likes it when they sing as he trots along the road
On his way to self-implode. :(

On Mondays he sings songs and on Tuesdays he runs races
On Wednesdays he reads books before he travels places
But he gets the weekend off, because everyone knows
That on Fridays Eric self-implodes.

In the morning, he eats his meal
Looks around at the ones who feel
his pain and rejection; but they'll never know
The pain of those who self-implode. 

dave: Has no-one decided to kill him for the benefit of humanity yet?                           
- douglas: He's in Cambridge.
- alex: Next best thing, surely...

~ tancredi: I have the Empire of the rising sheep!


Image: 46 alex: No, it's the other way round! Nokky is the cute young defender of the internet, and I'm the plastic-formed kit who carries him around...

alex: If Nokky's become my vehicle, then I will definitely have no need for my bike!

alex: It would be more intimidating to meet someone with two cute aliens on their shoulders in a dark alley at night than in a park in the daytime.

alex: No, I want an armor made out of green crystal stuff.

alex: I can see the Media Player's point of view. Not a position I'm in very often...

Image: 46 mike: [Nagi voice]  Plot is coming, never fear. [normal voice]  If I don't want you to fear, why am I using a Nagi voice?

alex: Drinking bread out of a cup wouldn't be too bad, but putting coffee into a toaster wouldn't be a good idea

mike: You mean you're not related to a strange ant-sheep crossbreed?
- alex: Not unless that's what my nephew turns out to be...
[The first line of this made *perfect* sense in context. Click /ContextMon3rdFeb03 if you want to know it.]

Image: 46 mike: This bike had been sitting outside my house, obviously abandoned, for several days. And I had thought about taking it in, and caring for it, you know, giving it bread and milk, and nurturing it until it was ready to be released into the wild... and then I thought... "No, it's a bike!"

~ jud: Thursday starts at 6:30pm


mike to zoë: You're not a genetically modified sheep. Are you?

alex: There are some silly people in Cambridge
- rowan: That... is... possibly the biggest understatement I have heard in my life

Sat1.2.03 (Legions of Previews)

~ dave: So in other words, you have to manufacture a relative.

nora: You have to imagine Gestapo with loaded guns, forcing people to clear the snow from their path

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Last edited May 13, 2003 12:57 pm (viewing revision 5, which is the newest) (diff)