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Rating system in use.  Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol.  Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of.  Those with several ~s may at some point be removed.  Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "Image: 46 ~~ Image: 46" is more informative than if it had no markings.


mike: What noise do insects make when they have a read error?
- alex: Dictionary!

~~ alex: Stellated dodecahedra... nyehehehehe...

~dave to mike: Yes, you would take the kettle from the fridge and drink from it, wouldn't you?

Image: 46 rob: It seems that Ben has selectively removed some of the junk to make the place less tidy!

alex: No, it's just that sometimes I have to torture people with my falsetto.

Image: 46 [W] sunkitten: We will follow the opinions of the masses, or we would if they had any.

alex: Cow's the horse?
- james: The horse is great, it's very difficult with my eyes.. But I'm doing my best


Image: 46 alex: I would have loved that job - to record twenty squeaks of a Comic Relief nose, and listen to them to choose which was the absolute best

mike: I could argue that the Argos catalogue is a subset of eyes, but I think it would be pointless

Image: 46 serge: Wow, the amount of fun you can have with a drawing of a rubber duck!

Image: 46 douglas, recording numbers from a Chinese takeaway menu: You expect an ornamental Chinese dragon to rise out of the menu when you get the correct numerological combination

~ Image: 46 mike: If I were making myself beautiful in a hurry, I don't think I'd bother with lipstick...

alex: Travelling to an alternate universe - it's the only way to find mountains around Cambridge

Image: 46 elara: I've never met cross-dressers before
- satsuki: Well they're not yet, but we're working on it...

~alex: I'm sure Morag's capable of drawing the human shoulderblade
- morag: Well yes, but I can't picture it from the inside


Image: 46 alex: There's a lot of nutters on the web.  (Oh yeah - I'm one of them...)

mike: You are always free, and sometimes even welcome, to say baa, Alan.

~ alan to zoë: You're always telling me about the virtues of sheep, so I thought I'd emulate them so that I can understand them a lot more.

Image: 46 alan: My brain is even more knotted than usual... perhaps I need Nagi to make me another dimension to get knotted in...

alan: Cows don't mind buying anything that's a non-cow as long as it is also a non-real-animal... but they don't mind buying real cows obviously...


sunkitten: There's something for everyone on the wiki. Except BlueElephants.


~~ mike: So you take my sheets away from me, and then set one of them up with one of your sheets??

~~ alex: Every day's an adventure with a Personal Laserwriter

alex [re the question "Are you hungry"]: Hungry has a different meaning when pudding is involved... it has the meaning "yes" when pudding is involved

alex: You'd have people all over the country making faces at their radio on the hope of political impact

alex: B-mail - is that "bike-mail" or "bovine mail"?
- mike: It could be some kind of cross-species technology, given that Josh has received messages from his bike...


Image: 46 alex to peter: You having the hand grenade on the table rather complicates matters

alex: You can't drive around in a suit... well you can, but the suit won't drive you around
[Unless it's a GiantFightingRobotSuit, of course]


naomi to rob: You have a hexagonal nose!

~matthew higgins: Why is there strawberry jam on your computer?
- david: It makes it go faster.

~alan: I don't talk to cows, I moo at them.  Get it right!
- david: Well, it's quite normal isn't it?  Mooing at cows?

Image: 46 Image: 46 Image: 46 david: So, what is the height of civilisation?
- alan: About 3 foot 2.


mike: Lest you be worried, no I haven't turned into Morag.


Image: 46 rob to mike: You're just going to leave the threat hanging... sort of mutually assured embarrassment.


Image: 46 Image: 46 rob: Alex, what colour is your hair?
- alex: It crashes every 3 hours

naomi: Hello, you're Morag
Who was this said to?  If it was to Morag, it's not that funny, surely?

Image: 46 alan: Have you seen an invisible coffee drinker?
- mike: By definition, no.

~~alan: Celly (Belly's coffee digesting cousin) has obviously been under a misconception...!

~~alan to mike: Belly wants your virtual beef pie.


~douglas: I nominate my pet donkey for President

alex: I shall trade a thumb for a Dorito

Image: 46 Image: 46 chris: That which does not kill us... removes various limbs.


~~ alex: Yes, that's right, I shall derive my puffy properties, and sell them for people to build houses on!

~mike: Underwater Properties.  Sounds like a bizarre estate agent.

alex re his LoanPhone: I might appreciate the cuteness of this phone, but my heart is given to Nokky.  I won't be unfaithful.
[This was before Nokky turned into the female Nokkette...]

mike: A cat which could swallow the whole world by mistake.

~ alex to mike: I'm sure you wanted to power your bike light off soft toys

Image: 46 mike re alex's LoanPhone: I think I prefer Nokky... he only records the incriminating things I say, not the incriminating way I look

alex: My brain is still trying to come up with a way in which dessert could have the texture of Cambridge University Science Fiction Society but slightly finer ground
[To those who know how the SciFi Society is commonly pronounced, you ought to be able to work out the pun here]

~zoë: Hello spreadsheet, how are you today?  I'm sorry you're not feeling too well today...  I'm sorry you're overworked... I'm sure I can help Alan to delete all your data, or even cause a crash; I haven't caused a crash in a long time...
 * click *
Is that better? - Oh you want longer asleep.. that's not a problem!

~~alan to matthew: Hmmm... I might just have to change the root password to my brain!


~~Image: 46 Image: 46 rob: I'm not scared of my mum because she doesn't scare me.
- mike: Both logical and completely useless
- rob: But what did you expect?

mike: So what operating system does *your* brain run?


Image: 46 Image: 46 Mike: It's not so much the love of money, as the hatred of overdraft.


~~mike: Postmodernism and postnagiism should not be confused.
- alex: You pass through trauma to get to them both, but the traumas are of rather different kinds

Image: 46 nagi: It's kinda hard to sunbathe when you don't have skin made of flesh!


nagi: I'm half dead.
- dave: Which half?
- nagi: Both...

dave: You're being fondled. Stop it.


alex: [My mind] is on its way out of the solar system. I have to go catch it, on my bike.
- [...]
- alex: Well if Nokky's my bike, then he's certainly capable of interstellar flight...
- mike: Why did you put Nokky away?
- alex: Because he's shy about being capable of interstellar flight!

Image: 46 mike: Does this frequently happen to people you know?
- alex: What, drifting into an alternate universe and turning into planets? Yeah, every now and then...

mike: It'd be quite good to be able to hack into some*one*

Image: 46 dave to mike re alex: Could you do something about him? I was thinking about death.
- alex: I was about to offer you a jellybaby. Could you retract the thing about death?
- dave: Okay.
- alex: [reaches for jellybaby packet]

mike: I had a sudden mental image of a giant jellybaby heading for earth...

Image: 46 alex: There's a large neon sign above my head which I can turn on, saying "silent contempt and scorn it deserves".

Image: 46 [D] alex: All I can say is that it's better than the dental concept of mental iniquity.
- mike: Err?!
- alex: Actually, that's not *all* I can say.  I can also say "Would you like a jellybaby?"...

Image: 46 alex to mike: Close your mouth, you'll let the TrojanRabbit? in

~mike: Lead piping might not be very good for thickening my solutions, but a suspicious white powder might well be

~mike: What's so heroic about scooping some ice-cream?
- alex: "Thunderbirds are ice-cream!"

Image: 46 mike: I don't recall ever being hungry enough to eat a table.
- alex: I'd have thought you'd find it hard to forget being hungry enough to eat a table...

Image: 46 mike: If you could refrain from igniting my T-shirt, this would be... preferred.
- alex: [thinks for a few seconds] ...How boringly conventional...

Image: 46 ~ rob: I'm going to get some water. In a glass, not my hand. Because that tends to be more effective.


Image: 46 mike [re a proposed abbreviation for Diploma in Computer Science]: DipSci?? That sounds like a Russian Teletubby!

~rob: I don't want moles to be attracted to me!


~[misheard by milan]: mike to jenny: How does it feel to be sharing your room with...
- alex: A phonetic beetle?
[alex actually said: An aggressive Beetle]

Image: 46 milan: I am not sure what the answer to your question is because I am not sure what the question is. If the question is what I think it is then I don't know the answer.

~mike: Why is there a Volkswagen Beetle on my back?
[There was!]

milan: I smell a rat. Which is shaped like a road.

Image: 46 stephen: I don't *think* the blood of innocent people can be used as a flu remedy
- nagi: That's no reason not to try!

dave: Unless of course you're twelve years old and female
- phil: I don't *think* I qualify for that

alex (sung under breath): It's my hobbit, you can stop if you want to.

~nagi: I never knew that - that's why I didn't know it

dave: D'you get a lot of lobotomised gnats round your place?
- nagi: Quite a few, yeah...
- dave: Chess-playing ones?
- nagi: No, only a select few play chess.

alex [affrontedly]: There's a non-zero chance of an elephant spontaneously appearing

mike: I think my own personal SpaceTime is definitely screwed up!

[W] oneiros: I wonder what kind of damage has been done to the fabric of SpaceTime by allowing AlexChurchill and MikeJeggo to meet?


~~robert: I don't think it's *actually* Church of England policy to kill off its parishes

~~angela: I have this feeling of "I can't take this any more. I'm going to go now. Bye!" ...Which can make conversation rather difficult!

~nia: My room doesn't usually eat things.
- mike: In contrast to my room, I suppose


~zuza: I'm pleased with myself for giving up sugar for Lent
- angela: You've only been doing it for about a minute!!

~~ alan: It can't be that expensive to bug everybody on the planet...!

~~ alan: Hmmmm... teeth should not be ransomed...


Image: 46 matthew b: Creating offspring which have a genetic tendency to tear their own arms off isn't good for the gene pool

~~mike to alan: Unless you know something I don't, teddy bears are not capable of encoding messages and transmitting them as radio waves.


Image: 46 ~simon booth: But... you can't feed pancakes to pandas - that would be cannibalism!

~~Image: 46 alex: No, they eat oxygen and excrete carbon dioxide, and the others excrete carbon dioxide and eat oxygen.
- mike: Erm..?!
- alex: [realises what he just said] ...And the *other* others....

Image: 46 Image: 46 chris: My standard introduction is "Hi, I'm Chris... I will forget that"

Image: 46 alex: It appears a certain sprite friend of ours has started up a German board games company
- mike: Despite being imaginary?
- alex [correcting]: Despite not existing in precisely this universe

milan [absentmindedly messing about with a milk bottle]: It's autopilot cheesemaking!

anna: I'm going to a seminar in chemistry - via a shop that sells plasticine. Some may do advanced viscosity studies with hair gel and toothpaste; my X-ray diffractometry requires plasticine and a paperclip.

~mike: Maybe Nokky's on a low-bubblewrap diet. That would explain it.

alex: You are free to bring as much or as little bubble wrap as you wish, as long as it's measured in metric tonnes

~mike: When you are telling me I can bring ten tonnes of bubblewrap, I have my doubts in the absence of a lorry


alex: It would be interesting to see... imploding sheep without the quote marks...
- serge: If you add quote-marks to the sheep, they don't implode!
[I *meant* doing a Google search for "imploding sheep" without the quote marks... sigh...]

~~ angela to alex: You could say "I've been headhunted by my wife!"

dave: It's the Final Countdown! I need my poodle wig...

It occurs to StuartFraser that playing NokkyQuotes/GuessTheContext could be highly amusing, although probably too much of a [TimeSink] to be considered.

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Last edited May 13, 2003 12:56 pm (viewing revision 19, which is the newest) (diff)