NokkyQuotes/June2002

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Sun30.6.02

alex: Could somebody pass me some sheep? Could somebody pass me some sheep? Could somebody pass me some sheep?
- morag: No, go away and sheep off!

Sat29.6.02

helen: I don't go around destroying the Church of England just because I don't like it

helen: "Hello, I'm pretending to be a good Christian, I go to church when *I* want to, I give away my money to a nice charity... but in my spare time I ravish little children!"

angela to alex: You are the beef farmer's best friend - it's just that he doesn't know it...

[D] harry [re planning a wedding 14 months away]: We don't believe in this leaving-it-to-the-last-minute business

Fri28.6.02

lep: I can just imagine the customs officials. "Excuse me, sir, could you please lift up your hat?" "Um... er..." "Aha! You seem to have pointy ears! That'll be a Ł10 fine." "I... um... was going to a fancy dress party... as an elf. Honest, guv!"
[Context: if being elvish was illegal...]

helen: You can't take me seriously when I've got ears on me!
- audrey: Do you not normally have ears on you...??

alex to helen: Would you like to share a banana split?
- helen: Well, I can't guarantee I'd eat all of it...
- alex: That's the idea!!

lucy: If I was Tesco's I'd fire me!

Wed26.6.02

nagi: I wish this cat would tell me what a supermanifold is... I bet it knows!!

alex: Like the way Mike cries "Eat", the goons cry "Die"!
- serge: And with roughly similar effect...!

morag: Why does everyone here know enough about poison to really freak me out?

Tue25.6.02

alex: We were just thinking of games for the evening - hence me coming moose-hunting

stephen to alex: Tomorrow I'm going to kidnap you and put you in a room where no-one can speak to you but me, and I'll come in and say strange things at you!

stephen: My one claim to fame: I can say weirdy-beardy-weirdy-beardy-weirdy-beardy-weirdy-beardy...

stephen: I'm going to start saying full stop at the end of my sentences full stop. [alex reaches for the quotes machine] Which bit is he quoting full stop? I mean question mark...

alex: It seems like Keith might be barking up a slightly unnecessary tree

Sun23.6.02

mike: Contradiction? It's maths, you can prove anything you want with maths as long as you have enough happy pills, can't you?

angela: Euclid's a stupid name.
- alex: He was Greek.
- angela: That's not my fault!

susy to angela: If you find yourself with a dead sheep and somewhere you're planning to plant an oak tree...
- alex: Then don't tell college!

alex: Strawberries are masters of disguise...

Sat22.6.02

vic: Normality or religion?
- ant: Oh, no! Do I have to choose?!
[He had been asked to decide which was more "Unpleasant"...]

ant: How exactly do you have a JellyBaby thong?
- vic: Uncomfortably...!

angela: A Beeble is kind of like a hovercraft...

alex: Go with what your heart tells you
- james: It doesn't tell me much. It mainly pumps blood...

ant: I often mistake your head for a coaster
- james: Which is funny, because I often mistake your coaster for my head...

angela: I'm getting stuck behind a Cherry Bakewell again!

ant: Am I still Mary?

dom: I do have something up my sleeve - or in my hand, technically

ant: Do I want to butcher my weaver to keep it safe?

Fri21.6.02

angela: Doesn't he wear clothes?
- vic: But that's because he's a lobster!
- angela: But then he's not naked, is he?
- vic: Compared to lobsters he is...

ant: People should think I'm enigmatic, but they just think I'm... stroppy...

alex: We could just attach salt carriers to the back of all salmon

angela: All the houses I know can jump

tim: I look forward to my next perpetual motion machine

andrew: I'm going to build myself a huge castle on the Rhine. It's the way forward, I think.

andrew: When my party gets to power, it'll be a matter of minutes before the Daily Mail offices are razed to the ground. By an army of mad leopards.

Thu20.6.02

alan: Don't schools teach kids anything these days? Surely they should be able to make time for blue cat studies at some point in the curriculum... otherwise future generations will be scared when they see blue cats walking around the streets...!

lucy: White bands and a bow-tie aren't as bad as being garrotted...
- alex: Have you worn a bow-tie?!
- lucy: Yes, many a time!

angela: Is Milan coming?
- lucy: No - he wants to eat some of his food in the fridge

lucy: Hello, I'm having a breakdown - or at least I want one

Tue18.6.02

anil: Sure, I will deliver a demonic underground system to Morag and Serge...

angela: Jenny's weird and quantum.

anil: The fence is *always* a nice place to be!
- stephen: Depends whether it's a really spiky fence...

stuart: I still don't think that classifies Alton Towers as the weather.

Mon17.6.02

angela: Maybe I have a secret long-lost sister I could marry

mike: ...To sample the local produce I brought back from Gemany.
- rob: What was it doing in Germany?!

~rob: Serge has disabled the global pope command?!

~rob: Real as in unreal!

rob: You normally receive emails.. well, from chips, in the sense that..

mike: It could be worse: Alex could have a bedroom in Timbuktu

~mike: I hope I don't idolise any timetables!

mike: I'm the one who can see where my head is
- rob and alex simultaneously: Surely you're the one who *can't*!

[anti-D] mike: [sudden look of horror] Pun unintended!

~alex: If you're gonna be apathetic: don't evangelise!

alex: You could pray for deliverance from the Almighty Programmer: "Change my code, let me break out of this unbounded loop!"

mike: The weirdness of a computer doesn't depend on the weird mess that it hoovers up...

alex to mike: Your statement as it stands is incorrect, that the weird-ness of a hoover depends on its purpleness simultaneous with its...
- mike: Fish-coveredness?
- alex: Yes, thank you...

Sun16.6.02

[stephen walks out of room]
[fifteen seconds later, stephen reappears at door and cries]: ON THE PIANO!

~alex: Oh no! My worldview is about to fall apart!
- stephen: I'm going to wash up. ...Because washing up will put your world back together again...

jenny: They don't take bikes on the Underground
- alex: They don't take cows on the Underground either...
- jenny: But how about a cow on a bike? That might be OK...

[misheard by alex] jenny re alex's future: Buy a cow.
[Actually: "It'll work out"]

Sat15.6.02

[D gaec2] angela: Just because it's true does not make it sensible. There are many true but nonsensible things, like Alex...

angela to hazel: I've never seen anyone else eat a meal of completely green!

dave kitchen: I'm going to lots and lots of weddings over the summer, including my own

serge: I bet on hedges.
- alex: To win the world cup?
- serge: No. To win... A Shrubbery!

alex ch: Something I really like the prospect of is--
- alex ca: Excommunicating a dragon?

Fri14.6.02

angela: If I went into a shop and asked for the massive long fantasy series called Xanth, do you think they'd know what I meant?
- stephen: They'd probably look at you quite oddly. Especially if you were in Sainsbury's.

~milan: I'm sorry, I biodegraded...

alex: Jenny is three horses?
- jenny: Yes!

stephen: You're going to walk into Kamchatka, do a little jig, and run away again!

stephen: A London taxi driver... under my coffee table.

angela: It's the Leaning Tower of Rollercoaster!

angela to jenny: Would you like Stephen to eat your hat?
- jenny: I wouldn't mind - it's a bit itchy...

angela: I've got this amazing horizontal-type vision

christa: What do you do when you're in a pub? You sit there and... and... look at things

Thu13.6.02

bartow: It's quite a shame if your arm comes off

kenton: We'd build a huge pyramid of chairs in the middle of the hall...

steve: Prioritise time with the family. This means Angela prioritising time to push her mum in the Cam this weekend

Wed12.6.02

~[D tim] serge: Tim [Logvinenko] has subtitled some... *interesting*... things

mike: What's walking around got to do with being octahedral?

morag: Nyahahahaa... I love infecting people!

mike: What I want to know is, is there any surreal idea I can come up with that somebody *hasn't* written an animé about?

alan: Try thinking of a violet octahedral fish with 3 gills and 5 eyes. Crimson-with-a-shade-of-indigo things called Sophidolues...
[As illustrated below!]

Tue11.6.02

alex: I fear that nobody saw.
- mike: You saw. Do you not count yourself amongst anybody?
[long confused indecisive silence from alex...]

chris: I'm tempted by pretty much anything

alex: Excuse me, there's a bear roaring by my ear.
- james: Is that really a bear?
- alex: Well... no. It's a Cambridge bus. But it looks a bit like a bear.

Mon10.6.02

tamsyn: This year we are performing a Disney Extravaganza and I am playing the small but crucial role of a blue teapot.

Sun9.6.02

angela: I like to take every opportunity I can to ponce around in a gown.
[In case anybody is in any doubt, this is a rather uncharacteristic statement from Angela ;-) ]

Sat8.6.02

lucy: I'm not actually asking you to leave. Just... go away for a bit!

~angela: I've just spent all day taking my trousers on and off

Fri7.6.02

angela: Stephen! I think I'd have noticed if Alex was a lemming!

alex: I- I- I'm confused. I can't find the letter A... Has somebody hidden it behind Q when I wasn't looking?
- stephen: Do you mean Q the letter, or Q the Star Trek character?

lucy: Anil gives off this veneer of innocence...
- morag: No he *doesn't*!!

morag: I don't need Serge's mouth or eyes.
[To her credit, she did immediately say "Um, well, actually..."]

angela [opening mobile phone address book]: I wonder who else I know?

Thu6.6.02

angela: I was curious as to whether I could order more brains online
[She really was!]

Wed5.6.02

mike: A hen doing a Full Monty, taking off its tie, was a rather strange image.

Tue4.6.02

~angela: How would you like it if a lumberjack went off in your face?

angela to alex: I'm sure you could get fat, but nobody would notice! You'd say "it's just my bike lights"...

angela [in tones of brushing off a minor correction]: Lucy, Jesus, same thing

angela: Don't you think I'd be better-designed if I had a lid?
- alex: I think you're well-designed anyway.
- angela: I still don't have a lid. Or wheels!

Mon3.6.02

jenny to katy: No, you're not supposed to stand on my feet - that'll hurt!!

rob to alex: Can you wait until I press Tab before you AutoComplete? my sentences?!

mike: I don't think Nokky appreciates being gently steamed

mike: I patented my own fingers! Yes indeed...

Sun2.6.02

serge re ant's glasses: Sorry, I seem to have got tiramisu on one end...

vic: If you exclusive-or these pizzas three times, then you can swap them without needing an intermediate plate. But how do you exclusive-or a pizza...?

ant: I was down at the beach yesterday. In the sea.
- susy: I was in our pond last weekend. It wasn't quite the same...

susy: I don't often say really bizarre things, but when I do there's always a reason...

douglas: We could end all war by filling the world with indestructable bubbles.

Sat1.6.02

mike: Hiccuping is not known for its fatality

[D] stephen: I usually ignore all my own advice

mike to stephen: Are you a secret chicken farmer or something?
- [...] alex: Will all these secret chicken farmers please go away!

mike: I don't want there to be biffids in the Engineeering Department - it's too scary! ["Biffid" = a person-eating bicycle... apparently...]

~mike: By this shall all men know that ye art strange, that ye quote one another!

alex: I can't think of anything implausible enough that Serge wouldn't claim to have done it

lucy: I think that's an everyday occurence
- alan: What, elephants standing on cheese?
- lucy: Yes... I've seen it every time I've been to London zoo...

~alex [misheard by mike and alan]: Is it as hot as when you're wearing 7 legs...

lucy: Doesn't Mike have a comment at this time?
- mike: I don't dare...
- lucy [grinning]: I see I've trained you a little better than when we first met!

alex: Wow. Mike calls me before I've sat down, and it's *not* for a quote?

morag: You're not supposed to cut the top of your head off, Phil

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