ec2-3-23-101-60.us-east-2.compute.amazonaws.com | ToothyWiki | NokkyQuotes | RecentChanges | Login | Webcomic ( Back to /December2001 )( Up to NokkyQuotes )( Forward to /February2002 ) Rating system in use. Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing. If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor. If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol. Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of. Those with several ~s may at some point be removed. Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with " ~~ " is more informative than if it had no markings.
31.1.02
zuza: I think I've got memories of being almost killed by a cushion!
andrew to gaec2 [looking in fridge]: Would you like a [vegetarian haggis]? - zuza: You're not giving it to them - we don't know how it got there!
philippe: If there was a flow of lava I'd run towards it, not away from it, to see what it was like!
30.1.02
mpj23: Your fingers are about four years old, Alex
gaec2: Much levitating moth with wings folded. This is slightly less normal!
mpj23: I'm not putting vaseline in my coffee - or the other way around! - jsn23: And I'm not smothering you in coffee...
mag32: It's the remote control for the capuccino and espresso maker. Rob gave us one, for Christmas.
mag32: That was British Gas on the phone - dr105: Oh yes, they tried to tell me I didn't exist the other day...
29.1.02
jsn23: I'm sneaking into 6 Adams late at night, so that I can type in "I Like Dildos"
jsn23 [looking at photos of stag night that he was best man at]: I look as p***ed as the best man was! Um, the bride. Um... the groom...?
~acr33: I place the merchant on one of my sheep
sdm29: Milan gets decapitated by a flying corn
mpj23: Moose likes shrubberies! Oh dear!
~lej26 [shouting]: Hurrah! A sheep!!
mag32: There'll be exams in a couple of weeks: "Why is Jenny's hamster in the pay of the KGB?" ... Creativity is rewarded...
28.1.02
brsm2: My brain is a jumble of spliced network connections
aks27: You'd find a community of people whose friends write on them and stick them to walls
hst27: You can't count chocolate as a vegetable unless it contains... (can't remember) - dr105: Mint? Raisins? - gaec2: (distraught) No... those make sense..
acr33: I wouldn't look happy if I was a tree with pasta on me
~aks27: There's no way you can play table football *all* the time
gaec2: "Doing stuff" is a quite wide description - mpj23: Yes, it encompasses everything except... not doing anything...
gaec2: Let's pray for a massive domino chain across the UK.
rja29: It's not like I have lots of it lying around, even though I do have lots of it lying around
27.1.02
kam34: Buying two wallets in one day was a bit excessive, perhaps...
acr33: Not so much "surround sound" - more "chest-of-drawers sound" - sdm29: Every now and then through the film, there's the random sound of a "clunk - cluk"
ads45: To make everything you have to burn something, and there's not that much to burn
ads45: He says everything you'd want him to say, so you don't even need to tear any pages out
rob: The funding comes from, mainly,... ...um, I haven't a clue where the funding comes from, to be honest
ads45: None of the people who were here last week are here this week - acr33: How do you know? - ads45: Because I was there...
26.1.02 (Torment Magic the Gathering tournament in London)
acr33: Greek mythology's on top of Jenny, and Jenny's on top of Greek mythology?
acr33: We should have the head waiter dressed up in a Brie
gaec2: Jenny and Cheese have lots of Steve that they're happy to lend us
lej26 to gaec2 and acr33: I won't get semi-naked until you get here then
acr33: One of these days I'm going to accidentally hit someone over the head with a book, and I'm going to be really surprised when it doesn't go "Doosh"
ant66: Fortunately, my eyes aren't on opposite sides of my head
gaec2: Oh, I thought you meant hang on till the travelling food van drives up the stairs
24.1.02
acr33: I think red zebras on motorbikes would be really cool
23.1.02
jsn23: Do you know what anime this is? - sl236: This is a piece of chocolate...
gaec2: You can get the DVD ready - sl236: Well this isn't the DVD remote - jsn23: So why are you waving it around? - sl236: I... don't know...
jsn23: Can you imagine mini-Nagis running around the place? - gaec2: Ohhh... I wish I couldn't...
jsn23: I wasn't planning on inviting the car to formal hall
mpj23: Well, you run a buttering ministry over there, I'll run a toaster-operating ministry over here, and afterwards we can work together and demonstrate Christian unity.
22.1.02
sdm29: If you press your finger into Nagi's turban, can you fire him across the room?
[misheard by mjcp2] aks27: What are you studying, Nagi? - jsn23: Cemeteries that occur in particle physics [Actually: *Symmetries* that occur ]
sdm29: It's better than a chocolate traffic jam.
acr33: Well if things went BANG! one inch behind your bottom then you'd look angry too!
mpj23: We're not in a dictatorship where you can be shot for singing "Ne ner ne ner ne ner ner"
lej26: How can you see without your glasses, Andy? - asme2: With my eyes...
mf: Apparently I have to walk 492 miles on an initial bearing of 331 degrees to get home from here. On the other hand I could take the plane...
21.1.02
mpj23: Owwwww! - gaec2: I know that feeling... - mpj23: I punched the ta-ble...! - gaec2: Okay, I don't know precisely that feeling!
mpj23: Help, I'm being Susan'ed - gaec2: Oh dear - there's no helping you in that case
mpj23: Cambridge alumni wouldn't get the threatening at gunpoint thing. You'd have to do something like threaten their thesis at gunpoint...
mpj23: This proves that the ear has an amazing self-defense mechanism when Anne is at close range
waiter re mag32's pizza order: I think with that many toppings the pizza won't cook properly!
mag32: I'm not losing weight - I'm storing it in the cupboard!
gaec2: Yes, it's OK to share a pizza - mnw21: As long as it's not a refillable pizza
~gaec2: This is "Cash Machine: The Album"
20.1.02
gaec2: Yes - a good opportunity to convert all those fetishists to teddy bears
pjt33: Anyone who knows me well enough to ask me knows me well enough not to ask me
acr33: I've been deciding whether my bridesmaids will wear blue or purple - steve gane: What colour supersoakers will they have?
~dave devenish: "We're going to cross the Jordan" - this isn't like "we're going to cross the Cam"
dave devenish: Burn your boats, or your bridges - we're going to cross the river Jordan!
19.1.02
acr33: Yes, I have this irrational obsession that makes me jump up and down whenever anyone used the word "to" and say, "What meaning of 'to' are you using?"
mpj23: You'll have to get up quite early in the morning if it's a morning when Ben has to go to bed
gaec2: "Why do you chase after people's sisters? Because they're there!"
gaec2: It's OK, you don't need to feel guilty about being married
mag32: Belly says "Full!" Mouth says "More!" - mpj23: Belly says "Dumpling!" Belly says "Dumpling good!" - gaec2: Mike's belly obviously has a larger vocabulary than Morag's...
acr33: Booby-trapped dumplings! Yikes!
awr25: Cilla Black has been around a while. In fact, she's probably been around longer than the M1...
mld25: Reindeer on skis? Well, it makes sense to me...
mag32 to gaec2: We should be Elvish cartographers!
rja29: Where are the Scilly Isles? - gaec2: They're under the 'M' of 'Mayo'...
awr25 to mpj23: You look like a washed Goth
jsn23: Are those hermitian operators? - awr25: No, they're English letters
18.1.02
acr33: I tried to be quiet, but they came out sounding quietly really loud
Image:46Image:46 mpj23: It's eleven o'clock - can we have a brief quote break? - sl236: "Eleven-thirty - dire quote break"...
gaec2: Alal'alandri - this is an Elvish land, where some missionaries are going..
sl236: Poor goat - stuck on someone's hackle...
mag32: I think God's more than a sex aid!
mag32: I think Mike's hair would make quite a good drying-towel
sl236: This is my secret - I buy the inside of Aldi's and then make a brown sauce that makes everything bearable
sdm29: Don't ever quote anything I say unless it's sheep-related
sdm29: Decapitated by a pizza box...
dr105: Haggis is a sort of Black Pudding with reputation
17.1.02
acr33: What I need now is a hat that my ears stick out of
16.1.02
acr33 to gaec2: You are my e to the 2 pi blue eye! - gaec2: Aww, that's the most romantic mathematical thing you've ever said to me! ["e to the 2 pi i" is a mathematical formula equal to one. Yes, it's soppy, groanworthy, obscure, mathmo, and romantic, all at once...]
acr33 to gaec2: You're only the bride of Christ briefly, but I'm always the son of God!
15.1.02
+acr33: Sorry, I.. just noticed... somebody had stuck a brain... in my duck's mouth
mjcp2: How would a knight use a sheep? - sdm29: It's a sheepback horse!
[misheard by gaec2] cvh20: I work in a lab... we spend a lot of time bopping each other with chocolate two-year-olds [Actually: bopping each other with cardboard tube-rolls]
[misheard by acr33] acr33: Do you have a girlfriend? - mch36: I don't know... [Actually: "I don't, no."]
14.1.02
lb266: I don't even want to do Geography because then I'd have to say I was doing Geography
aethd2: I can see advantages in knowing what the words mean
lb266: I get enthusiastic about everything - it doesn't mean I like it
gaec2: I eat humans, mostly. - acr33: Especially raspberry ripple humans...
aethd2: You could go round people's houses and leave random things in their fridges and see how long it takes them to realise
aethd2: We're still looking for a 50ft person
aethd2: I think I'm called to a special cat-healing ministry
james: Or baby Sunlay Cod-Bee Batter? - gaec2: Okay, leek furward to herring from ewe...
13.1.02
acr33: If he does anything majorly wrong, like divorces, or marries, or...
acr33: I'm the president of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Being Really Horrible to Anchovies
gaec2: [Nokky] rules over a small Middle Eastern country
mpj23: The chances of getting Alex to be anywhere, within 20 minutes of when he's meant to, are fairly remote.
Image:46Image:46 aethd2 [leaving an answerphone message]: Can you let Laura know, on 07815... and then some other numbers...
gaec2: Do you have some paper I can make an origami conversation out of?
jon bryon [preaching]: Crime dropped, industrial productivity increased - even the horses benefited
~jon bryon [preaching]: I'm sure most of you know we have buildings, we're moving into buildings -- [looks over to the church elders] we are, aren't we?
~jon bryon [preaching]: Multiplication - it runs, out of control - fantastic!
12.1.02
acr33: Why would a canary want a pair of cami-knickers?
Image:46Image:46 acr33: Mike's list of transport routes [to a wedding] would include train, car, bike, boat, ferry, motorcycle, helicopter, Eurotunnel, fax, email... "The receiving fax number is this, please feed yourself thinly into your fax machine..."
acr33: Personally, I think marrying a duck-billed platypus would be rather strange
mpj23: When you brush your teeth, does it dissolve your mouth and corrode your bone? - acr33: No, but my mum says I don't brush them often enough!
jdmp2: I could make antibodies against all sort of things - tables, chairs, you name it - but submarines? No.
akh23 to jmdp2: We can shoot you if you need to be shot. - acr33: In fact, we're going to do it now!!
jmdp2: When I see a ring, my first thought is "Oh, that's a nice ring", and then "Wait a minute, which hand is it on?" And then, "Wait a minute, which is my right hand and left hand?"
acr33: Did that mean to come out the way you meant it?
gaec2: Some farmer comes along and discovers a random JCR in his field
11.1.02
gaec2: Take the chocolate home with you, and eat it in your pocket
~gaec2: Tomorrow morning doesn't work?!
gaec2: I'm just thinking about how to continue breathing.
gaec2: Have you come across quantum entanglement? - acr33: Yes, it happens to me every day at 9 o'clock when I try to get out of bed!
mpj23: I've just purpled myself
10.1.02
gaec2: We're going to end up with one piece of furniture and 902 dancing ducks
mpj23: I put it all in and put it in the oven and it didn't blow up. This is a good start.
9.1.02
adr26: King Henry the VIII - well how could he be idiotic, when he had so many wives?
akh23: I'm sorry, but I don't find remote controls luscious, not even Mike's
mpj23: The concept of remote carrots is quite an intriguing one
akh23: Bobby Moore was England cricket captain when they won the football World Cup in 1966
akh23: Mike, do consult Nia about her diary if you ever get round to getting married
mpj23: "British Airways" is only what they tell people it's short for from the outside. Really it's short for "Bellybuttons Anonymous"...
acr33: I'm not your wife yet. - gaec2: I will be by that time...
adr26: I haven't changed my socks since I've been in Cambridge
gaec2: "Next level reached..." "Wait a minute, I thought this was a bathroom?" [see sound sample]
akh23: I have an Anti-Sue, not an auntiedisestablishmentarianism
jsn23: I didn't tickle her, I just poked her in the kidney
gaec2: Once a DPMMS-umms-mms-er, always a dupummupummsmmser...
[D maths department] jsn23: It was really bad - I wanted to buy myself something for Christmas from Heffers [a Cambridge bookstore], and I found myself in the Maths department. I also found lots of members of my department there...
mpj23: It could be a topological person in unsuitable shorts with a camera [A pun on the phrase "topological torus" = "topological tourist"]
akh23 [oh-so-sweetly]: Mike, thank you very much for your Christmas present. I was mortally offended.
jsn23: Dysentery is a noble art!
mpj23: Nagi, jump off a cliff - jsn23: Only with you strapped to my chest!
jsn23 to adr26: You whimsical fantasy, you!
gaec2: I can see James organising dancing ducks and things hanging from the ceiling
gaec2 to acr33: Anne was talking to us about our marriage date, and you were talking in my ear about the density of pig poo
~ --mpj23>:> acr33: Mike, situations are always at the height of complicatedness when you're around. - mpj23: Yes, but the name changes!
jsn23: Is there any soy sauce or tabasco around? - That probably wasn't the quote about reality...
8.1.02
gaec2: Whenever I'm talking sense I don't mean it
awr25: I take it that you are not talking about high pressure coffee, which I think would be quite nice spread all over a room...! - mpj23: I think that one might be submissible to Mr Churchill. High pressure coffee being the kind of thing his phone rather likes. [ - nok15: Nooo! Keep that coffee away from me! ]
7.1.02 (We go for dinner at the unknown number)
gaec2: I haven't noticed any moles burrowing up out of the ground and onto my trousers - acr33: Well you've obviously not been paying enough attention, have you?
zuza: It's not like I've escaped from Auschwitz... - andrew: Well, you escaped from the Midlands!
6.1.02 (SMS "DINNER IS READY" received from unknown number)
mpj23: If you never see any sunsets again, it's because they're all in a box under Alex's bed
acr33: So Anne's only going out with people whose name begin with A on soft surfaces, so she's got an excuse
acr33: If I saw a sheep in Woking, I'd stand, point at it and laugh, for about five minutes
mpj23: Didn't you know that tea is the useless stuff that comes out of the same mines as the coal?
mpj23 re djr36: He's going to bed by coach
acr33: Where's my hat? - gaec2: What hat? - acr33: No, my hairbrush, silly!
5.1.02 (Serge & Morag can't turn back now)
gaec2: "The Church in the Centre of the Earth!" - ant66: Sounds like a bad horror movie...
mpj23: There's a sculpture of one in Woking. - gaec2: What, a Sainsbury's Economy Tripod?
jjb37: There's always one, but in this case there's about six
tom chapman [preaching], to the bride & groom: You two, neither of you being God, are not omniscient
tom chapman [preaching], to the bride & groom: You could have spent several years spying on each other, taking long-lens photographs of each other, compiling a secret dossier of information... but wisely, you didn't
4.1.02 (Chilis and Stags and Hens, oh my!)
lej26: I think I'm a bit of lad, really. But never mind... I've got a bit of a girl for a husband, so that's OK
[misheard by rja29] gaec2: Most of the isotopes I know the half-lives of have very different tastes in men [I actually said "Most of the Siamese twins I know of have very different tastes in men". It was a noisy pub...]
gaec2: "Roll condom gently over the tip of the leek..." [We were speculating what the instruction sheet for a condom might say]
[caption to photo 12] jsn23: There are some prices you have to pay for being a best man ...It is a part of my religion. I wear this condom on my head as a sign of contraception, as a sign... of infertility.
sl236 [seeing jsn23's fleece]: Oooh! Sheep!
sl236: Well when someone's giving you a leek and a yellow costume with horns on it, what can you reasonably say?
jsn23: I didn't recognise you with the hair! - tal20: Have you ever seen me without?
jsn23: It may have been because of me, but it's not my fault
[misheard by gaec2] jca24:I have a fold-out tongue
gaec2 to mpj23 [trying to say either "your tongue's in a twist" or "your foot's in your mouth"]: Your tongue's in your mouth
acr33: Matches and jellybabies don't go too well together in the bag - they try to sacrifice each other and they don't mix
[misheard by acr33 and julia] acr33: She's got nice hair - julia: Well she wasn't intending to wear anything! - [Neither of them actually quite said that, but that's what they heard...]
3.1.02
acr33 to gaec2: I shall plug you into a keyboard
2.1.02
mpj23: Alex, are you thirsty? - gaec2: No, thank you
mpj23: Where's your theology Alex? - gaec2: I think I left it in my other trousers...
[misheard by rja29] gaec2: Much redness of blue [I actually said: Much leadness of balloon. Which makes *marginally* more sense...]
~gaec2: All you base are wont to do...
[caption to photo 6] rja29: Haha! I won't get wet now! [It wasn't even raining outside]
mpj23: A lot of the puns I make do have negative quality, yes - [sees he's being quoted, and groans] - mpj23: Don't you dare put a [D]... [ [D] is the code for a defining, very characteristic quote. For some reason Mike didn't want to be epitomised by this statement from his own lips...]
gaec2 to nok15: I order you to surrender your quotes file!
1.1.02
zcl21 to mpj23: You were waving through my head! - mpj23: Well it was in the way...
mpj23: There's a maximum of three people coming: two can fit on that mattress and one in an air mattress I've got up in my room. - zcl21: In? - mpj23: Yes, in. That'll be Nick, he's skinnier than the others.
akh23: Are we speaking to each other? - adr26: I dunno. Do you think we are?
andrew: I'm reasonably content - I think I'm a natural Buddhist or something
adr26: What's wrong with you? You haven't killed me yet! [He'd played a whole verse and chorus of "Shine, Jesus, Shine" on the piano...]
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