[Home]NokkyQuotes/November2002

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Rating system in use.  Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol.  Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of.  Those with several ~s may at some point be removed.  Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "Image: 46 ~~ Image: 46" is more informative than if it had no markings.

Sat30.11.02


alex: Until Angela finishes inflating her clothes - what? - I mean buying shoes!

alex: Who could fail to notice they had semtex strapped to their teeth?

mike to nagi: You have just described yourself as your own bunghole.
- nagi: And what's wrong with that?

dave: I'm not allowed to hunt foxes that far north.  Which is good, as I don't like hunting foxes.

alex: [panicky] I'm thinking more like Nagi than Nagi is!

dave [as nagi walks in]: Hi, nagi-chan!
[Apologies to those who don't know either Nagi or the Japanese suffix "chan". But to those who know both, the horror of this combination does merit quoting.  See also NagiNagiNagi]

mike: I think that's the most incriminating quote by anyone.
- dave: I'm almost proud of that...

~~ alex: Being able to believe reality is a good thing?

Image: 46 mike: It would have been quite funny to see what happened if Rob's belly started playing Hall of the Mountain King

~ alex: Oh, I often throw phones around when I'm happy.

rob: I thought that was an animé reference
- mike: Only if Alex's brother is a particularly weird animé
- (ant:Woohoo!)

mike: Alex is the only person I know who's possessed by a mobile phone, rather than the other way round

~ mike (having spilt coffee): I walked into the doorframe.
- rob: I walk into thousands of particles every day, and don't spill my coffee.
- mike: Yes, but I think calling a doorframe a particle would be stretching your definitions a little bit...

mike: So if I had milk *with* toes, it'd be fine.
[Out of context, it's really surreal and cool. In context, it's a dreadful pun. So no context will be recorded here!] [think lactose intolerance]

alex: Bizarrity is in the eye of the beholder. ...My goodness, it's a wonder we still find anything bizarre at all...
- rob: I don't think I do.

Image: 46 alex: Well, maybe we would pass through each other... The last time I touched Mike was when I squeezed his foot about a month ago, and I can't remember the last time I touched you, Rob...

Image: 46 mike: Obviously if it looks outside, screams, and runs back inside, then that'd be unusual, but most gases aren't that sentient

rob: The air will have changed
- alex: From being 80% nitrogen, roughly 20% oxygen, into a bizarre helium / argon mix

mike: A shirt. Of the purple variety.
- alex: No, that's Rob...

~~ mike: I must have been halfway through making myself some coffee in this cup
- rob: No, that's mine. You were halfway through making yourself some coffee in *that* cup

Fri29.11.02


mike: I apologise for stealing Nokky's thunder
- alex: He'll come chasing after you wanting it back...
[This is not at all true. Nokky is very generous with his distribution of thunder. He is, however, quite particular about who he lets near his lightning.]

When distributing lightning, one must be very careful about which end one holds.

sarah b: Why should it be silly to hang around holding a shark? Or is that just me?

Thu28.11.02 (Food + film at fell)


alex: Stand clear of the oven. Fast pizza approaching.
- peter t: Mind the closing oven doors.

~ matthew f: Two Bibles can be forgiven... yes...

Wed27.11.02


~ nagi: What on earth do you buy from toolshops?

~ mike: We shall be erupted! ... That's manguage-langle for interrupted...

alan: I should probably just get coffee that absorbs straight through the skin, it'd solve a lot of problems.

~ alan: Ooh, homemade apples?

alan: It's turning into a sport, this.
- mike: What, quote-baiting?
- alan: I wonder if it could get into the Olympics?

alan: You have to care for your coffee, because it can be quite discerning at times.

Tue26.11.02


Image: 46 james: I keep hearing about declining coastal sheep, so it's taking my attention.

Image: 46 chris: I could forge my way back into that cow. As it were...

sally: Just because you're a miserable pedantic oaf, doesn't mean the rest of us can't have yellow tickets!

alex: That [civilisation] would like to explode around some cows and then stay there.

zoë: I've found that being around Alan has made me obsessed with sheep.

Image: 46 alan: I keep trying to work out the coefficient of restitution for these sheep.  I think it's about root two.
[...]
- alan: What do you expect me to do when sheep falling from the top of my computer screen always bounce to the same height? - Wouldn't you calculate their restitution coefficient??

~ richard goff [mike's labmate]: [Mike] walks in, and everyone in the building thinks of tea! 

Mon25.11.02


Image: 46 dave re alex: It isn't just his toe that's trying to escape from that sock... it appears to be his entire foot. Although having seen that sock, I can understand why...

mike: I don't mean that I can't distinguish the number 8 from the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

mike: I get on with mad scientists. ...Unless they've got red noses and whiskers, that is...

alex: Can you imagine putting on pyjamas over your wings?

alex: The halo transplant failed.

Image: 46 mike: I've instigated a peanut-butter-breeding programme. Unfortunately so far all I've bred is green furry peanut butter...

Image: 46 alex: He can read my mind, but I can't read his.
- mike: Yes you can, just not with your... mind...

Image: 46 mike: I wasn't paid by the Board of Fish in Nokky to make that last quote.
- alex: [long pause] ...I suppose it shouldn't *surprise* me that such a Board exists...

Image: 46 mike: People go "oh, it's just a fish". It doesn't matter how surreal a setting it's in, it's still just a fish. It could be about to jump off the Empire State Building, trapped in a bottle, it's still just a fish...

Sun24.11.02


mike: Maybe you got an extra leg when you did part III?

milan: The blood is coming back into my leg now. After I sat on it. My leg, that is, not the blood.
- stephen: You took the blood out of your leg, sat on it, and put it back?!

alex to stephen: We will rule the world with our improbable sheep!

Sat23.11.02


mike: Nokky may wish to differ. He may also wish to differentiate, but that's his fault for hanging out with a mathmo.

fiona to mike: Wow, I can almost believe you can behave yourself!

~ jud: Your fault in the sense of "congratulations, thank you very much!"

mike: My parents didn't get a personalised flood

Image: 46 jud: The only really violent ceilidhs I've been to were in Scotland.  The only time I've dislocated anyone's shoulder was in Scotland.

alex: I don't know anyone who's famous who I knew before they were famous
- jeremy: You know me!

alex: Don't mind me, my pocket's just making Monty Python quotes

Fri22.11.02


milan: I can't think of anything that's purple and would go in a wardrobe... apart, of course, from purple clothes

alex: Excuse me, someone's contacting me on my... er... wand

angela: I don't think, it's entirely comparable to the first one - it's very similar

stephen to jenny: *I'm* mad?! You're the one with a chip in your ear!

mike: It's a sad life when even your electronic sheep won't talk to you.

Thu21.11.02


angela: I object to people calling me white, because quite frankly I'm pink

~ peter: This year - by which I mean, last year

Wed20.11.02


rob: See, my bike /is/ a tuned instrument... [mike gives him the "that's getting quoted" look]  It's out of tune though...

rob: ...though it would be fun to rename 'root' to 'wyrtrum'
[He'd just learned the Old English for "root" was "wyrtrum"]

~ nagi: A contour integral is when I get shot in the head. You can deduce this.

serge: I am... self-invinced.

alex: The cat isn't the one whose ear I landed five centimetres from while screaming "Monet".
[This was in fact Mike.  Or Nagi.  My memory fails me.]

mike: You have to cull those noticeboards.
- serge: Or they bite your hand when you stroke

~~matthew: I think she's quite surprised to be holding a bunch of bananas

alan: German-speaking sheep can be particularly problematic

alan: I can talk Moo, but Baa is just a different league!

alan: Throwing rice is throwing rice, whether you do it in one, two or three dimensions.

~alan: Forget verbs, let's just eat!

Tue19.11.02


angela: I'm not sure how anybody could construe flapjacks as having anything to do with sexual sin
[such a sheltered life :-)]

angela: If you went to Reading university and did education, specialising in reading, you could say "I'm reading reading in Reading."

stuart: I'm not going to knock *my* monument over with a tidal wave.

stuart: I have a left-handed surname

Image: 46 Image: 46 jill: I wrote an essay this morning on "What is naturalism?"
- morag: What is naturalism?
- jill: I don't know, that's why the essay is seven pages long

stuart: So you got your monument back and lost your jihad. I guess it's a fair trade.

jenny: I think [my gran +grandad] should work really hard, they should do quantum physics! And I think my mum shouldn't be allowed to have sellotape!

jenny: It's worrying how many hands my parents must think I have...

Mon18.11.02


alex: Think of normal things, think of normal things, think of a normal anime chara... ah, I could be onto a loser, here...

alex: Well you know how you're the leader of so many biker gangs, Mike...

Image: 46 Image: 46 mike to anime character: I don't think you're going anywhere. I think you're going to be mistaken for a carrot.

~dave: I invited you guys [Alex + Mike] here
- alex: I heard that as "I *invented* you guys"...
- dave: Yeah, I probably did that as well...

Image: 46 mike: Alex frequently refuses to put my puns into Nokky.
- dave: Otherwise Nokky would have to commit suicide for the sake of the world.

alex: Whereas I'm after the objective truth behind shoujou...[erm]...icity.

~ mike: I never said anything about my flammability...

mike: I wouldn't want a war, it wouldn't look good on my shelf.
- [pause]
- alex: Was that just utterly random?
- mike: Of course! What kind of person do you take me for?
- alex [sighing]: Let me rephrase that... is there any context there that I'm missing??

mike: C.H.L.L.I.?
- alex: It's... Welsh chilli.

Image: 46 alex: It'd be kinda useful...
- mike: To produce chilli from between your toes each month?

Image: 46 mike: Nokky is the evil and nasty dictator of the world with the longest-tempered telephone I've ever met.

mike to alex: You're not allowed to be sorry - it makes me feel so much worse when I'm not sorry for my dreadful puns

ben: I drove - I just took my bike with me for company
- alex: Good conversationalist, is it?
- ben: Yeah...

Image: 46 rob: Chocolate isn't an elemental particle, unfortunately

~alan to matthew f: Is he still your colleague?
- matthew f: Yes, and I am still his user...

Sat16.11.02


~alex: "I discovered the South Pole! It's on your balcony..."

~alan: Even belly doesn't quote to obtain food... That would be immoral!

vic to angela [re her script for a play]: You could write your lines on your fish!

alex: Does Google have a beard, then?

Fri15.11.02


[misheard by mike] rob: I was going to evangelise the ToothyWiki
[Rob actually said vandalise... but which would be more productive is anyone's guess]

alan to zoë: I just assume everything in here's a sheep

ant: You can just imagine the little bearded guy rummaging around in your brain

Image: 46 jill: In the Catholic Church, they allowed me to be a heretic... it's like I got Papal dispensation to be a heretic

Thu14.11.02


~ alan: I've seen some very conversational apple pies in Iceland...

Wed13.11.02


alex: Normal is defined as all relatives

alex: I'd be satisfied with taking over one universe!
- serge: "I will take over the world with my pseudo-complex number!"
- nagi: Don't joke...

Image: 46 nagi: I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad I don't exist in the dreams of Japanese schoolgirls

dave: Hit him until he gets jellybabies out, and then we'll worship him

dave: Feel free to leave jellybabies lying around my room any time

Image: 46 morag: He copyrighted a particular collection of animals, including but not limited to hamsters, and blew them up instead

~ serge: I once got treated to some nice wine. And then I couldn't find anything that tasted so good among the cheap stuff

Tue12.11.02


~ mike: You're not going to try to spell "Nyibanibanib", then?
- alex: [starts typing in nokky]
- mike: That'll be a no, then...

douglas to chris: You sound like a pixie rewinding

serge: Meeses is the plural of moos [sic]

~ chris: It's not often you hear someone say "pig pig cycle"

~ chris: It's a bit of a bizarre concept - an elf cycling through the mountains...

angela [after a long silence]: Does anyone have a large fish?

phil r re navy ships: You can just go an buy a destroyer off the shelf... it's a big shelf

~sally: Yellow's not good for marbleling: but if you want to make a big tower of Rainbow fimo you need it.

Image: 46 sally: Don't give a mathmo lots of blocks of colour: they'll be gone forever.

Mon11.11.02


~liz: You *can't* microwave a penguin!

Sun10.11.02


~ angela to peter: You shouldn't smell your coleslaw if you have a cold!

Image: 46 angela to her mum: I tried to call you yesterday for a chat, but you were probably out being Victorian... Oh? In Denmark? Really? Oh, OK then...

dan: This is a very relational phone. Cos it gives me free minutes. So it lets me be relational. It's a very biblically-based phone. In that way.

Sat9.11.02


douglas: I've sacrificed a shoe!
- morag: How is this possible?
- alex: Presumably by the glowing lightsabre embedded in the shoe...

Image: 46 serge: How does one "play" FlapJack?? I guess you dangle it in front of Angela and move it around as you watch her try to eat it...

~ peter s: Oh, you know I'm really into Satan...

Image: 46 Image: 46 angela: They sent an email saying the floor has a leaky ceiling

Fri8.11.02


matthew f: That's the trouble with human beings... You can't power cycle them!

alex: My hand is not made of bluetack - you can't pick it up with bluetack.

Thu7.11.02


~ alex: I normally go to B&Q every Sunday after church

Wed6.11.02


Image: 46 nagi: I just did 5 pages of supersymmetry. And I came out at the end with the answer "q". Rather than "zero". Which is good... I think...

[anti-D] alan: Look, just stop thinking about cows for a moment!

alan: Sorry, looking at that boiling water is making my feet feel funny...

Tue5.11.02


mike: Do traffic cones move around when they graze?

alex: 1, 2, 3, 4, fish. 1, 2, 3, 4, fish. That's fabulous - why did I never think of counting like that before?

douglas: Trust Alex to build everything next to a volcano

angela: I was cycling along when someone tried to kill me. I was quite glad...

morag: People have replied, but no-one's actually said anything.

angela: He [Alex] is pretending to be human.
- morag: Ah, that explains a lot.

Image: 46 angela to alex: You're the only person who when excommunicated says "Would you like a teacake?"

Mon4.11.02


~susan [describing a photo]: Mike. He's got that purple fluffy...
- alex: Platypus?
- susan: No.
- alex: Hot water bottle?
- susan: Yes.

~ matthieu: If we've got a cat with agoraphobia, this would be quite... amusing...

alex: When you're travelling at 30 miles an hour and your seat vanishes from under you, it'd be quite distressing.
[Context: discussing a car made of wind, and what happens when the wind stops]

mike: I was about to try to type a quote into the carrot

dave: I think that's top of the 101 things not to do to a spaceship
- alex: What, waving it around by its tail?

Image: 46 mike: I didn't realise Dolby Digital was worshipped by the ancient Egyptians
- dave: Really? How naive of you not to realise...

dave: He's a really bad guy.
- alex: Guy?! He's got lipstick and eyelashes!!
- dave [by way of explanation]: He's a psychopath.

mike: Alex, Japan is not populated by whales!
- alex: Oh, I thought that was what all the big eyes and coloured eyes [in animé] were hinting at...

alex: General head-appearing-through-hole noise... haven't you heard one before?

Image: 46 mike: Alex, stop trying to reverse a chair up the stairs!
[The problem with the surreality of this utterance is that... Alex *was*.]

mike: Have you never had roast farmhouse? It's quite tasty...

alex: Pancake rolls, what's that?  ...Like a forward roll, but onto a pancake?

~~ mike: We are the Pancakes that say "Duh..."

~ alex: It  sounds relatively plausible that someone could be being baked into "Tee-Ell" bread...

alex: [In tones of low menace] Are you... Oddish?  You don't... /look/ Oddish...
[A reference to the surreal YellowSubmarine film, for those who won't get it]

mike: Admittedly you wouldn't be able to put lightning in lasagne

~ mike: An eruption of carrots would be spectacular
- alex: I'm sure we've seen something like that recently...?

Sun3.11.02


~ alan re alex: I think he is defined by his hair!

Image: 46 matthew f: Oh no.... I've just discovered the Arabic for "Insert SIM card" again.

Image: 46 alan: I set up an email address mooingisfun@yahoo.com.
- matthew f: Yes, after discovering that moo, moomoo, moomoomoo and moocow were already taken!

mike: I think Sujit is sensible enough not to try to distort the fabric of space and time

Sat2.11.02 (Mike unexpectedly cooks for 12)


jeremy: There might be some people who have an addiction to touching cars

Image: 46 nia: There are some kids in school who'll never do a group discussion on their own

david r: What's fun is eating grapes and spitting the grapes out at people  [sic]

serge: You can fit a lot more grapes in your mouth if you take the pips out

mike: Whatever I do, it comes out dense
[Regretfully, I must point out this was with reference to his cooking of bread...]

mike: Not every Scotsman is a weirdness source

morag to rob: You're not screaming and trying to kill your boss... given that your boss is yourself this is probably fortunate

~ rob: Uh-oh, Zoë's on wheels...

rob: If you were waving solidarity about...

Image: 46 rob: You said "no, this is a large potato" down the phone.  What on earth can he have said to get that response?
- mike: He said "Hello, this is Philip, is that Mike?"...

Fri1.11.02


rob: That's not really very pig-like.  That's "oink oink oink".  It should be "oincus oincus oinqué"

lucy: Well the truth is I am disembodied... But I have no knowledge of dots



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