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Rating system in use.  Please feel free to browse these quotes from the [Edit] page rather than normal viewing.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a star symbol to the start of them by typing Image:46 in the editor.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol.  Those with several stars will at some point be collected to form a Best Of.  Those with several ~s may at some point be removed.  Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "Image: 46 ~~ Image: 46" is more informative than if it had no markings.


(This quote was retained in MikeJeggo's memory and thus not lost for posterity when Nokky threw a wobbler.)

will jeggo: If you injected a fish directly into your blood stream, you might die.


~ alex: They didn't used to leave their heads on the driving seat.

mike: I'm even more scared of the psychedelically multi-coloured cat
- alex: Did you never have one as a best friend?

~ alex: I spent far too long last night sawing up a large cardboard tube.
Alex is the CardboardTubeSamurai... - Kazuhiko

alex: But surely any road which has me on would by virtue of that fact be abnormal

dave to mike holding an iron: It's a kettle! You're using a steam kettle to iron clothes?

~ alex to mike: Does your monitor ever feel threatened by this wardrobe door?

~ dave to alex: You're turning into an old lady there - stop it!

alex: I don't get hunted with horns when *I* go home

~ dave: I always get through a lot of liquid while drinking

Image: 46 Image: 46 alex: I don't expect raspberry jam to have mangoes in it.
- dave: Or fish?
- alex: I do expect it to have fish in.  But that's because I expect everything to have fish in it.


alex: Right, now we've got a cardboard box, how do we put a cow in it?

mike: There's something immensely scary about the prospect of Zippy narrating a wildlife documentary

Image: 46 mike: The quotes are evolving? Scary.
- alex: Ooh yeah. You don't want to see what happens when they get opposable thumbs.

alex: Ooh, now that's a tough call. Which is scarier: singing hamsters, or a being a sixth year student?

alex: That would be labouring the point.
- mike: Is that the same as stretching it?
- alex: Well, labour often leaves stretch marks, so I guess so. So what happens when a point gives birth?

alex: Neither of us could have... forgotten it for both of us... on our own

alex: If any chicken wants to fly along bringing us a DVD player, we wouldn't say no

mike: I am Sanity S, Impersonated!  ...Um... I mean Entropy!

~ mike: Only an advertising executive could think of speculating on the sex life of a microwave

mike: MillRoad not having a ceiling may hinder my getting home

alex: d(Helium-filled nuclear mushrooms)/dt > 0

~ serge: The amazing crinoline of doom!
- dave: Three-and-a-half hours to put your clothes on, three-and-a-half hours to take them off again...

alex: The border between carpet and wall-hanging is not very well-defined
- mike: Yes it is, it's called the skirting board!

person next to nokky in restaurant: I don't believe in privet.

dave: I seem to be very irritated by the fact that I've never got given a grant for writing poetry with sheep

~ morag: I'm not going to explain why one of my people [has pointy ears and is wearing a fish]

bartow re mike: You can see that now he plays a real trombone, when he started out with an apple, an orange and a piece of string.

Image: 46 sally to susan: Of course you're part of my life. Just not when I'm wearing a dressing gown.

angela: Stop making me embarrassed and making me feel bad. Or you will burn in hell. With a big marshmallow stick.


Image: 46 alex to morag: You've got a diploma in destroying the place?
- morag: Yes!
- jud: I thought you had a diploma in computer science?
- morag: They're the same thing!!


mike: I believe at least 50% of international students are from overseas


hazel: I try to keep my sugar count down to one... *big*... bar of chocolate per day


Image: 46 matthew b: Because the landlords are getting annoyed with us, it's even harder to ask "Can we destroy these wardrobes"...

~ tom: I assumed [Alex] was passing me a false moustache

tom: Anyone feeling the urge to dissolve?
- alex: Frequently...

[sounds of alex receiving an SMS]
Image: 46 Image: 46 - alex to mike: I have an SMS. [sudden look of surprise] ...What?! It's not from you?! It's not you sending me an quote by SMS! [looks at SMS] [stops looking surprised] ...It's Alan sending me a quote by SMS.

dave: Giant space acne. Cool! I want giant space acne.

~~ dave: You have insulted my family. And now you will eat my shorts!

Image: 46 tish: MATLAB can be all things to all people... including a dating service!
[Context: Adding mathematical functions to handle single-precision numbers... so the question was of "Making the DATE and BAR functions support Singles"]

Old recovered quotes from March 2002

Image: 46 dan holt: It's hard to do time-independent partition functions as to the Lord.

zoë: That clock's definitely slow.
- chris watkin: Yes, but if it were a bit further round it'd be alright...

ben: My brain is a jumble of spliced network connections.


~ morag: There's a voice-changing cross-dresser.
- nagi: Who is clearly me!

[W] moonshadow: "Targe" means: A Target that's been shot on the right-hand side. The archer then picked up the T that dropped off and glued it over the left end of a Barge.

alex: We build a University out of lots of paper.
- ant: You could build a University out of "Call Waiting" sounds...

Image: 46 richard a: My best friend at university was a cup of green coffee named Albert. ...Hey, don't laugh - he's coming to visit!


alex to angela: You're just confusing, not irritating
- morag: That's what women are meant to be like

guy: Rubber doesn't tend to have many nerve endings in it, though

guy: I don't think even an elephant could beat scissors

lucy: What are they into, Quakers, except cross-dressing?

angela to lucy: How are you going to distinguish between your kid and your futon?
- lucy: Well, I might call the kid Chad and the futon Neb...
[Yes, she is planning to call them both Nebuchadnezzar... ]]

~~ angela: So, logically, my essay should self-destruct!

rob: Hello Mike, would you like a cup of coffee?  Or some non-caffeinated substitute, such as water?

~ alan: An autistic stapler?  I haven't met one of those before.  At least not that I've noticed.....


~~ alex: My ears are made... of rubber.

alex: I'll have to go on a crusade across the world for the purification of Galois theory
- angela: Well, if you meet the eighth dwarf, Lumpy...

Image: 46 stephen: Why would anyone want to enlarge their gall bladder three inches? Why would Galois theory do that?? How do you put Galois theory into a pill?!?

stephen: Being edible and making you violently ill aren't exactly the same thing
[Overall, I think this is fortunate...]

~ angela: I meant to say "Oh" instead of "Pd"

~ angela: Stephen speaks in typos!

mike: I'm sure I can think up infinite ways to be weird!

Image: 46 rob: Mike, you have power.
- mike: No not really....or have you not studied the inter-personal dynamics of bikes.

Image: 46 Image: 46 mike: Zoë has not yet worked out how to stand on my toes in 4 dimensions.
[I'm sure it won't be long...]

rob: I shall make you pedal for my internet access!

rob: Why shouldn't I torment Zoë on her birthday?  It'd be a nice present for her!

Image: 46 rob: [clutching a bike dynamo, makes shooting noises]
- mike: [patiently] It's a dynamo, not a phaser, Rob
- rob: Er, well... you know, did you wonder why it stopped working on Zoë's bike...?

~~ rob: *brandishing tyre lever* Muuhaha! I shall change your inner tube!

rob: What goes down must come up.  If it's springy.

rob: Well, Zoë hasn't attacked me yet, so I feel I haven't provoked her enough yet.

~ rob: *sung* Who needs, a wiki-mart!
[A reference to The Simpsons]

rob: You're quoting me out of context Mike! [realises] Oh...

Image: 46 rob: Waah! This coffee is made from 70% recycled glass!

mike: Well, I wouldn't have thought any mutant plant would eat itself.

~~ rob: Well, some people are addicted to smirking.


~ peter: I don't suppose there's much of a market for large solid plastic spheres

Image: 46 mike: A genetically modified mutant sheep, about five times the size of the people!
- alex: Well, all good fiction needs one, really...

mike: There should be a five pound fine for...
- alex: Asking for payment in an insufficiently sheepish manner?

mike: While I can understand why you'd think I was talking about purple sheep, on this occasion I did in fact mean something sensible

mike: How come Nokky doesn't get hot and vibrate when his alter ego is brought too close to him? 

alex: I don't think Robinson washing machines would wash armour

mike: Who'd want to protect unicycles or trikes?

[W] moonshadow: MoonShadow decides he is an omphaloskeptic.

zoë: Have you heard about Nia's experiments with squealing jellybabies?

Image: 46 Image: 46 anne: So did you put them back in the fridge, or did you put them back in the fridge?
- andrew: Well I nibbled at them a bit, and then there were none left, so I didn't put them in the fridge, no...


alan to mike: Are you implying that I am wide awake, not dreaming about things which aren't paperclips that are not flying? Don't be silly!

Image: 46 Image: 46 alan: Well judging from the taste McDonalds coffee may in fact have a mind of its own

Image: 46 zoë: No we're not supervisors... we're just irritants.


steve: Often I can't find things like a pen, to sign up for things.
- elaine: Well, you can always email the [church] office...
- steve: ...And they'll email you a pen.


~ mike: I don't just *always* randomly torment Zoë

~~ rob: Oh no, my face is going mouldy!

mike: It looks like David Attenborough is evolving into Kermit the frog.

Image: 46 rob: I have a safety feature. *produces packet of batteries* I eat these and I become safe...

~ serge: I just thought I'd show Rob where the key was before he hacked the door down

[misheard by rob] nagi: I was sparring with a guy who was 46 inches taller than me.
[Actually: 4 to 6 inches]

morag: I've got a mental image of a number 4 now, tied up with tinsel to a bed
[Calling all ToothyWikizens: This needs drawing.  Do so.  Then upload it to the [ImageServer].]

Image: 46 Image: 46 alan: At this point Nagi would add another dimension.
- mike: Is that what mathmos do when things don't make sense?
- alan: Yes.

~ mike to alan: How has this happened - we've almost cooked lunch and neither of us has said anything quotable!

alan:  This is red, isn't it? It looks like it. Actually, it's black.


Image: 46 tom: I don't believe your family have ever invented flight
- jon amery: I don't believe either of the Wright brothers has ever been pregnant!

ed: What disease would you get if you smoked an ingrowing toenail?

Image: 46 stuart: I sincerely doubt that Tom considers "meep" adorable
- tom: You'd be surprised...

alex: It must have been someone else. Whose love life involved mirrors and rotating.

tom: Going to school is synonymous with those zombie movies.

mike: Brad Pitt has a population of one!

sarah: I think morgues are quite principled

Image: 46 mike: Tony Blair...
- senji: New Labour, new danger.
- mike: ...Discovering America...
- senji: New Columbus, new danger.
- mike: ...Antarctica...
- senji: New freezer, new danger?
- mike: and Hairballs.
- tom: New hairballs, new danger.

mike: Japan has the advantage of millions of people.
- tom: And not having Cindy Crawford.

senji: Black holes are sexy in the same way as hilbert spaces.

alex: Dainty, tender and elegant. Have you seen elephants?

senji: A meteorite. Not known for hilarity.

stuart: I won't cycle a Krosan Tusker [big green beast]. Tempting thought it might be.
- chris: Where would you put the pedals?

nagi: It's not quite intercontinental because it hasn't left the bloody table yet

Image: 46 alex to jenny: You were shouting "Plasta Plasta Pasta!" while people were walking past
[She was!]

jenny: There's nothing wrong with having lots of laughs. It's better than not having any.

morag: Sorry I'm a little bit odd...er, I mean late
- mike: I think I ought to send that to Nokky.
- morag: No, because I don't think I should need to apologise for being odd.

Image: 46 Image: 46 matthew f: I use pico for small-scale editing, of the order 10^ -12...


Image: 46 alex: I'm going to go now
- dave: Before Mike starts bubbling...

~ mike: Nokky has an endless appetite.
- alex: Nokky and Belly *do* have certain similarities...

Image: 46 dave: Black jellybabies. Black and evil.
- alex: Like my trousers.

~ alex: "I am a growing robot"

Image: 46 anime character: You've got to have guts to win this fight!
- mike: A titanium cat would help as well.

mike: Yes, I have a rabbit burrowing into my chest, except it isn't, because it's a hare, and they don't burrow

dave: You never see me in a white shirt
- mike: Unless you're playing a female animé character

Image: 46 Image: 46 alex: You told me to defend myself.
- mike: I didn't tell you to do it *successfully*...

tish: Radio-transmitting toddlers, eek...
alex: You can presumeably guess the context, but it's still quite cool.
- mike: *still blank, panicky look*

Sun1.12.02 (Alex meets Tim from America)

Image: 46 alan re a rope hanging from the ceiling whose purpose we had been debating: If the pub started moving like a tube train, you could hang onto it to stop yourself falling over.

matt f: ...So you get all these indians worshipping this nan bread.
- alan: Well, it is food, so what do you expect?

alex: So you understand why I was mooing?
- angela: No! I'll never understand you mooing. The day I understand you moo, I will worry.

alan: Someone could be getting married to a rubber shark and carrying a bride for effect....

mike: He could make some up
- alan: But that would be plagiarism! 

~~ alan: People have driven me around the wall about cows before. 

~ mike: What's the betting that as soon as I send this SMS someone makes another quote?
- alan: Do you really want to know the answer to that?
- mike: Yes!
- alan: Erm...

alex: How cool - you climb up to the top of a remote mountain *in order* to check your email!

~~ rich: I don't need pudding.
- josie: It's not a question of *needing*... this is pudding!!

josie: After talking to my supervisor, we began to wonder if it was just the nouns who were on drugs

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