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So I collect quotes too. It's kind of catching.
Ilanin, in a livejournal comment: "I think you can use Americans as an argument against anything, but it's probably almost never a good idea."
"That's QED as in QED, not as in QED."
"Spontaneity is still possible. But only during planned spontaneity time."
Heard on Radio 2:
"If you have been a victim of murder, you will quickly find that your life will never be the same again."
Upon noting that the filing system had one box defined as being inside itself:
"Look. I've told you about this before. No ontological paradoxes in the filing cabinet!"
"They're keeping out anyone who doesn't have a good reason to be [in the department]... so that's all the undergraduates, then."
"As a theorist, I feel obliged to remind you of the existence of mathematics."
"As the temperature goes to zero, the limit of two tables is one table."
"Imaginary numbers. Like fairies!"
"Let us consider the solid as a vacuum."
"After we have done this [10 minute derivation on board] we shall find that it doesn't work at all."
"One of the hardest things about this course is learning to count."
"You're not lean and mean. You're surly and anorexic."
"Yes, a goat. A seventy foot, eight man goat."
Sign seen on the door of Peterborough District Hospital:
"Please do not visit this hospital if you are feeling ill."
<Zebbie_> hmm, my nick has an unexpected tassle
* Zebbie_ is now known as Zebbie
<Requiem_> It stuck to me!
* Requiem is now known as Requiem_
* Requiem_ shakes his nick wildly in an attempt to unstick it
<Requiem> Got it.
* Requiem_ is now known as Requiem
<Zebbie> everyone beware. obviously on the ground now
* Koryne is now known as Koryne_
<Koryne_> oops, wasn't looking where i was going
"This algorithm was in fact less efficient, because it required the forest to be examined for trees."
- Found on inspection of work done at antisocial hours:
"I'll make it wish it was never Born."
"It's an imaginary number! It's like pixies!"
- Quotes from friends
"The limiting case of two tables is one table."
"A cat is a perfectly good quantum observable."
"Two? 'Two' as in the sound an owl makes?"
"...won a bloody war against the French Prince, Louise"
- Oi! --Edith
- Sorry. It did make me laugh, though. Remove if you find offensive.
"I've taken up swordfighting, which clashes."
"Exact time and place to be arraigned."
- Damn right!-King DJ
"Hell ought, after all, to be a bright and cheery place. The flames give a lovely light, and as I recall brimstone is a fetching yellow colour."
- "And now in sports: Name a dangerous race."
- "The Arabs."
-"What is the capital of Iran?"
From badly filled in or misread NHS forms:
"Continued training programme of training to ensure all staff are appropriately trained. This continues."
"Patient advised to gain staff assistance in the putting on of shows."
"The temperature in the staff office today was 80 C - this was disrupting services"
"The patient's shoes were removed and told to calm down."
"The patient's house was called, which came to collect him."
"Cleaned with antiseptic wife."
"Floor removed from patient."
"Date of birth 1 Mar 1526."
"Staff date of birth 28 May 2004."
"Patient had fallen. Cheeked him a lover."
"Shoes removed and placed in locked seclusion for their own safety."
"2 staff placed in locked seclusion for the safety of patients."
- In a simelar vein, from my work : "Date you filled in this form : 02/03/3000". There was the woman who broke her leg and gave the cause as "Dancing into the karoake machine". We've had people who insulted our research abilitys - one question was "sexist", because it asked about her mother and not her father. Asking about ethnic origin was deemed to be a "silly question" by another, and a third made up her own question and answered it because she thought it would be better than the one we asked. -- Xarak
- I'm pretty sure that you are always permitted to refuse to answer 'ethnic origin' questions, and I for one always do so. --Vitenka (The mother one is odd though understandable, due to how much inherited stuff works - your form could do with explanatory tooltips or paper equivalent)
- It's not a silly question though, because this is a medical questionaire and ethnicity is a factor in many diseases. I can see why you wouldn't want to answer that on, say, a job application, but not in this case. The study is called the Million Women Study and is about women's health - I don't think we need to explain to them why it's more important to know about the mother than the father. -- Xarak
From the department of being taken utterly out of context:
"All right then. Dora is having John. Anyone for Peter?"
"Well, it's not very small. It's 3. 3 is not very small."
-"Huzzah! It converges!"
-"Ian, it's 0."
-"Well, 0 converges..."
StuartFraser - Everything should be derived by dimensional analysis. Including history.
"The contractors will not enter your room if you are there without your permission."
- BBC news:
France to face mass energy protest
The event promises to be colourful, as it clashes with the Hindu festival of colours.
Headline - "Michael Jackson to replace lawyers".
Americans fired up over "most important election in years"
- I am reliably informed that this is neither a slip nor funny. Hmph.
"The only way we ever found him is finally somebody put enough pressure on enough people to find out that somebody had an idea where somebody might know somebody who might know somebody who would know where he might have been." - Donald Rumsfeld
["Nuclear fusion is nature's atomic power."]
The user looks deep into the target's eyes (or equivalent organs).
- Damn straight, no-one's escaping my charms just because they don't have eyes. -- Xarak
"In a four, you've always gotta be thinking about... stuff. Keep focused on... stuff. It'll save your life, stuff will."
Coach - "Minor debris, bow-side"
The boat ploughs into the bank
(female) Cox - "Bow-side, be manly or I'll snap your blades off!"
This is not a very exotic beast. In fact, it's a boring beast.
This is a horrible lecture. Like hunting in the Sahara. Nearest oasis is two lectures away.
And thus I haven't proved anything, I've just made you happy and content.
We'll get to that today. No, tomorrow. Wednesday. No, today's Wednesday. Friday. Today and Friday. Wait. Today's Monday... (It was a Monday)
I may be a horrible nasty person. But that's irrelevant.
We've now left the Sahara and gone to the moon.
Suppose we have a sequence boing boing boing boing boing.
If you stand there for long enough, it's energy. Otherwise, it's power.
Who cares how long the Earth takes to go round the Sun? It's arbitrary.
Let us consider the solid as a vacuum.
After we have done that [15 minutes' derivation], we shall find that it's useless.
Sorry, but this quote had to go here - CURSWiki: Androidkiller
"Sometimes I like having knobs to twiddle" - lecturer arguing against someone saying theories are elegant if they have fewer free variables.
"I used to break horses with my father."
"We've been looking askance at you for ages."
"Yeah, I've got a crick in my neck."