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/RatingSystem in use.  Please feel free to browse these quotes from the Edit page rather than normal viewing.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a Image: 46 or Image: 73 symbol to the start of them.  If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol or Image: 74  Those with several Image: 46s will at some point be collected to form a Best Of.  Those with several ~s may at some point be removed.  Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "Image: 46 ~~ Image: 46" is more informative than if it had no markings.

[D] = defining (very characteristic) quotes. [W] = Wiki quotes


alex: Oh where oh where is my telephone?
- peter: I suspect your room. Or one of your items of clothing. Although it could of course be Colonel Mustard.


will: "Don't buy a stupid dwarf: it's not big, and it's not clever..."


mike: "Hi, I'm Alan, can I bury my head in your children's sandpit please?"

Image: 46 Image: 46 mike: I can't make even good quality shoes last more than about a year, because my sheep are an odd fate.

[W] m-a to vitenka: Why does your CoffeeMachine? dispense cheese and cold water?


[misheard by alex] morag: I have to say, I think checking the Wiki would be even more dangerous than cycling
[Actually: even more dangerous *when* cycling.]

douglas: Don't let your weaknesses get out or you'll at some point find a giant dragon lord attacking you using a chocolate cake

mike: That's a letter L on the end, not a number 1, so blaming it on a pagan car registration will get you nowhere Alan.


alex: Tom, would you take it as an insult if you were called a girl?
- tom: Well, that depends. I wouldn't agree with it under most circumstances

alex: I'm going to hit you with a troll!
- mike: You could just come over here and be extroverted.
- alex: [thinks] ...Nah.  I could moo again?

alex: I'm going to buy a development card with an ore, a corn and Tim Henman...

alex: It's a cow that makes toasted sandwiches! You've got to approve of that.

Image: 46 matthew: Mould can be very exciting - it goes green and eats you.
- tom: So does rugby!

chris: You do realise your house is lying on its side
- colin: I'm an engineer, so, what do you expect


mike: SOS! Go player in trouble!
- alex: Any passing space aliens who happen to be in the form of lumps of black plastic, please land here!

serge: In my spare time, I delete hair!

nathaniel to alex: That's going to be really painful when that city goes into your knee

Sat24.5.03 (Previewing Scourge)

alex: If you flame-grilled the chips with a heat equal to the highest converted mana cost among permanents you control...
- chris: You get looked at rather strangely, I suspect.
- stuart: Can I tap that ledge you control to move my chips onto it?
- alex: What, "move target chips you control onto target opponent's ledge, and tap that ledge?"
- stuart: ...We've played too much Magic today, haven't we?

alex to stuart re chris and kevin: Their head is rather swampy

barry: It looks like a swamp...
- chris: It smells like a swamp...
- barry: But it tastes like chicken!

alan: I've not had my hair executed before, merely deleted

stuart: I only get accused of being a girl marginally less often than I get accused of being a mathmo

alex: Most sets have between five and nine pants


alan to zoë: You and Nia are sort of the same wavefunction in many ways.

mike to alex: You're not a secret Vodafone transmitter, are you?

dave: I'm not a psychopath. Dangerously unstable, yes, but not a psychopath

anil [re thrusting a sword through one's own chest]: Usually it's a last-ditch maneuvre

alex: I haven't made any plans for Monday, and I plan to keep it that way


mike: I wonder if I can hide in a scanner.

alan: I don't feel hungry any more... it's strange not having a Belly...!
- mike: The fact you just ate a wall might have something to do with your lack of hunger too...


chris: Nobody wants conservative straight people!

alex: In other words, you'd have to have a Jenga set that could potentially be the components of a perpetual motion machine!
- chris: I like this idea...


[W] kazuhiko: Tsunami once again shows his connection to Yomiko... Only Yomiko would attempt to read a jelly baby...

alex: Now you know the true terror of things that go "woof"
- dave: Things that go "woof" in the night...

dave: I'm pretty sure that most of the people I know are in fact aliens.

mike: My brain doesn't consist entirely of puns.


mike: I permanently have to cater for strange senses of humour, given my own

alex: I am a fool. With nasty big pointy teeth. And two WindowsBoxes. Cool, I can play tennis.

harry having shaved alex: I'm looking at his face, with a view to improving it


alex [slowly]: What do you do about churches? Well, I recommend that you either go to one... or burn one down.
- rob: Spot the MathMo!

Image: 46 mike: The kettle has boiled
- rob: Oh, damn! I'll have to resolidify it! Who's been sublimating that kettle again...


alan to mike:  I think that you and reality are... erm... an interesting pairing...

[W] vitenka: C'mon, most JapaneseCats? have wings.


morag: If I had hair that turned into wings, I'd pose...

morag: Most people have a pair of scales, Alex
alex: But not most people are covered in scales
- morag: Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that

~ alex: I'd be quite surprised if Serge knew what cartoons were shown in this room of this building, 15 years ago. Although given this is Serge, I wouldn't be surprised.
- mike: You'd be surprised, but you wouldn't be surprised?
- alex [embarrassed]: Yeah, that didn't quite come out right, did it..

serge: I, um...
- morag: Are evil?
- alex: "I are evil"?
- morag: Yeah, well. Evil people can't spell.

mike: I don't think it's a statement about the onion ring's theological Protestant leanings
- alex: Well, I was wondering...
- mike: How do you tell if an onion ring is Protestant or Catholic, anyway?
- alex: Obviously, you test its Mass.

alex: Chickens are larger than mosquitoes. Well, last time I checked, anyway.
- mike: A chicken the size of a mosquito with a tattoo. That's even more of a distressing thought. No, I mean a mosquito the size of a chicken ...

alex: Oh my goodness! They have Cambridge colleges on their ceiling!


ed: All lawyers eventually become mouldy

alex to alan notr: Can you speak for being King Henry the Eight personally?!?

alex: The question is, is giving a hug softer than mud?

chris: I've never eaten an Industrial Revolution

chris: I have however had socks and oranges in my mouth, although not concurrently...

alex: Do we have any maps of Elton John?

alex: The Swiss Army polearm is now an anti-matter Swiss Army polearm.

chris: I kick down the door and discover - I'm a cat!

alex [pensively]: I'm currently human...

stuart, alex, tom, chris and colin: The humungous radioactive baby Frank the Tank from another dimension assisted by a nova flash grenade, transferred to Stuart and hindered by a nasty tasting sports drink has been polymorphed into a parrot.

chris: I really ought to lose my knees

stuart: Changing race to Elf is fairly common when the Kneepads come out


[W] vitenka : You see a problem with my assertion that the state is owned by its own kindergartens?

alan: Now I am confused... I don't know whether I am having a conversation... perhaps I need to stand on my head...

alan: I was trying to have a perfectly normal conversation about doubly glazed windows and then you lot deviously move the conversation against my will onto talking to computer mice...!

[D] alan [discussing ways to obtain an unlimited supply of quotes]: How about if we set up a recursive loop in Nokkette such that she continually quotes herself?
- mike: Or we could just keep emailing one another, which is likely to have a similar result.

alan: Indigo male artichokes with microwave emitters attached are in fact allowed to consume chocolate as well as the rest of the population..
- alan: What's quotable about indigo male artichokes with microwave emitters eating chocolate?
- alan: Just to clarify... I am not a male indigo artichoke with a microwave emitter... I am eating chocolate though!


Image: 46 alex: "Excuse me, Mr UN Inspector, but there's some elves over there who need protecting from me since I don't exist..."

angela: What's going on?
- jenny: Alex.

angela: It always makes me think either there's a fire alarm, or there's an evil bomber plane flying overhead, or there's a national emergency and there's an air raid siren...
- stephen: Or there's a lift next door!!

zoë: For josh, a peg alone in the coffee isn't enough - have I told you about the hamster?

milan: I see you've been Shaun the Sheep
- alex: Yes, I have. I'm human again now. Although my hair isn't.

james ransley: I cut off my finger with an onion - it was a very sharp onion.


andrew: It's my party - I can attack anyone I like with whatever implement I fancy

alex to morag: Sheep make camel-hair shirts in Britain?!?

alex: You can just imagine this "Half Onions' Social Club" starting up in Mike's fridge

Image: 46 mike to alex: Your jellybabies never mooed at anyone. Nor did your lightsabre...

mike: Didn't you know I had an invisible pet cuttlefish?

alex to mike: If you were going to burn those mushrooms in order to roast some mud on top of them, then... I'd think you were a very strange cook...

mike: I'm just imagining a penguin sat on the CD as it goes through the post
- alex: Yep, me too...

mike: I think that just suddenly saying "The great Incompostible Tomato!" is one of the stranger things I've done recently

mike: Is being a Microsoft product and being an alien incompatible?
- alex: Not in the slightest!

alex: Hmmm, Mike's geometric properties! Fluff coefficient: 2.3!

Image: 46 mike: For your information, Rob is neither a fluffy indoor shoe, nor the piece of wood which holds the rails together. I feel you should note this. [Alex reaches for Nokkette ]  Just not there...

mike: Minors confuse me.
- alex: As a musician, or as a children's worker?
- mike: As someone who doesn't understand coal...


~ alex: I used to be quite practiced at throwing peanuts down girls' tops

alan: I don't think barbecued R2-D2 would taste very good

fiona: I think revision is getting to me. I'm prodding a virtual penguin...

angela: I'm wondering if I can just quote this man without having to understand what he says [re evil social theorist John Milbank]

Image: 46 jen: I thought Nagi was a type of food! I bought chicken Nagi from the supermarket!


alex: It's certainly a common turn of phrase to say, "It's no coincidence that this has never happened on a Friday." ... ...Well, it's not actually a common turn of phrase to say precisely *that*, but...

peter: If you're visiting someone in Liverpool, it's probably cheaper to have your hair cut there
- steve: You could just sit around by the edge of the road, and someone'll nick it

elaine to her husband steve, casually: Oh, I'm falling apart, you should know that

elaine: Ooh, all these adventurous people. Come on, Kenton, say something normal!


alex: No, Nagi, thank you. [pause] ..."No Nagi", thank you!!

serge: I now have a copy of insanity on this computer

Image: 46 [W] alex: Maybe TrinityCollege's multiple levels and giant spaces would make it suitable to contain multiple small robotic assault vehicles?


[W] kazuhiko: Kazuhiko declares himself to be semi-automated wizardry...

alex: Angela has four Kangee, and we're getting married soon, so...
- angela: When I say "All I have I give you", I'll be like "No! Not the Kangees!"

alex: I thought you were saying the pigeons had convinced everyone in the town that the pigeons were mad, not that the town was mad?

sally: I know who Mike Jeggo is! My life is complete!

alex: They're on the phone
- sally: Not declaring war?

alex: No, I'm calling Chris a mushroom, not the Tantrix board!!


matt f: Luther wasnt born continuously throughout the year.

nagi: Stop massaging me to the point of eroticism, and cause me pain!!

matt f: People talking to cows is one thing but bikes talking to cows is another!

mike: "Friday comes but once a month." No, hang on...

mike: Why were you standing in a darkened bathroom?
- david: The main reason was failure to spot the light switch.  ...Failing to spot a light switch obviously required me to go into a darkened bathroom

[D alex] david [to alex, having heard the preceding quotes]: Do I gather from this that you studied maths?

alex: An infinite space is a bit much to expect from 6 gigabytes

matthew f: How did you manage to buy a box of tea which says "Not for retail sale"?
- mike: The answer is that I didn't!

david: So the question is, having met me, do you still think I'm Rob?

mike: How does one define a mathematically significant quality of green?!

alex: It's reality's fault, for not corresponding to the mathematical model

mike: Change does not vanish simply because cheese is grated onto it...

mike to matthew: Did you intend to eat your shoe as well? Given that you appear to have grated cheese onto it..

[D] matthew f: The interviewer says "So why do you want this job?" and Alex says "Can I quote that?"

mike: The supermarkets of yesterday did not sell wavefunctions either!

mike: I don't think there's anything theologically dodgy about sex changes for mobile phones!


morag: Going out in a career as a poet will not be helped by a degree in Computer Science
- serge: ...Unless you were going to go out and write poems about doing a PhD in Computer Science...

[misheard by rob] alex: I'm the only one in the office who knows how to do these things.
- mike: Kawaii? {Is it cute?}
- alex: Chotto... demo ii desu. [manic grin] ...ii desu... okane dakara!  {A little... but it's good. ...It's good... because of the money!}
[Mike actually said "Kowai?", meaning {Is it scary?} ]

mike: I need ideas.
- rob to mike: Electrical shock therapy would stimulate your brain a bit...
- mike: I think I'll stick to praying about it!

rob to mike: Your prayer request is...?
- alex: Supernatural healing of the wires!

mike to rob: Why pronouncest thou curses upon my laundry?

mike to alex [over the phone]: I hear sloshy noises.
- alex: No, that's just my legs...


alex: Oops, I nearly kicked your ceiling, accidentally...

angela: It's nearing the end of my course, so if I decided I wanted to be a... freelance baby beeble... then I could say like, "I'm going off to be a freelance baby beeble"...


angela to alex: You're the evil patriarchal phone controller man. I mean, my lovely fiancé...

angela to alex: Peter's not female and neither are you, except on your bad days. Sometimes on your good days...

andrew: Angela, this is Zuza. She does not have ears.
- zuza: That's not in my personal profile...

peter t: You're not equating haddock with Einstein, are you?


elaine: I bet in the Coaks' cell group, they all leave feeling very spiritual.
- steve: With nary a thought of haddock.
- josie: Or if they do, they think of haddock in a very spiritual way
- alex [intones]: The glowing haddoooooock!

alex: Having died is not necessarily a great qualification for being a public speaker

alex: Can I play the jellyfish?!

steve: City Church's International Haddock Evening...
- alex: If we haven't had one... we should do!

lewis: We had a very accident-prone biology teacher, who ended up teaching physics

rob: I'm trying to look hurt, I'm wearing a big grin

mike: All wise men fear Nagi's celebrations

mike: Receiving a note from a packet of rice would just be silly!

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Last edited June 2, 2003 12:11 pm (viewing revision 8, which is the newest) (diff)