NokkyQuotes/February2004

( Back to /January2004 )( Up to NokkyQuotes )( Forward to /March2004 )

/RatingSystem in use. Please feel free to browse these quotes from the Edit page rather than normal viewing. If there are quotes you feel are particularly good, prepend a

symbol to the start of them. If there are quotes you feel are particularly bad, prepend a ~ symbol or

Particularly bad puns may be marked with

if desired. Those with several

s may at some point be collected to form a Best Of. Those with several ~s may at some point be removed. Please don't cancel the symbols out: something with "

" is more informative than if it had no markings.

Sun29.2.04

mike: Did you just say 'For some reason I'm walking round with an old rock in my pocket?' I think I should send that to Nokky?
- alan: What's so funny about that?

Meep! I typoed when I sent that one to you, Alex! It should be 'sock' not 'rock'...

Oh? I thought the joke was about the relative ages of rocks. --Vitenka (Socks is indeed normal)

: I have to take issue with that. It is perfectly normal to walk around with rocks (both young and old, unless they're some of that there useless quaternary mud) in your pockets. Personally I have found rocks in my pockets that have been there for months, sometimes years. And it's always quite pleasant, like discovering an old friend in your pocket. Not that that happens terribly often. Um. OK. I think I'll stop there. --Jumlian

Sat28.2.04

mike: We've got an Inter-Continental Ballistic Laser-Guided Engineer and we're not afraid to use him!

alex: Maybe we ought to let my computer write poorly translated Japanese instruction manuals

alex: "So, Mister Giraffe, tell me your problems." "Well, I have this man picking at my nose hair..."

Fri25.2.04

: Err. Maybe 27? --K

[W] alex: MaintainMe: move link to UrbanLegend, delete this page, slap Alex with wet fish.

Thu26.2.04

elaine: We have all these babies and you think "we have to get rid of some of the old ones"...

joy: The lead elder of my church at home is about 12
[He has literally had that many birthdays...]

: A leap-year thing? --K

james: I'm not even going to discuss the dances that are going on on top of my pizza right now

Wed25.2.04

dave: Ah, the foot thing. Is that the foot thing thing thing, or the thing thing thing thing thing thing?
- morag: That would make sense...

alex: What I really need is a way to detach my head and send it floating round the room

mike: You're planning to take Alex to Meldreth station and make him laugh explosively, just so you can win at Mornington Crescent? There are easier ways...
- alan: But they're not half as fun!

Tue24.2.04

chris: I was holding my first kiss when I played awkward

[W] alex: TheShrubbery is very well endowed for pancake ingredients, except for non-stick frying pans!

alan: ...I'm going to make a coffee.
- mike: What are you going to make it out of? Atom modelling kit bits?
- alan: How did you guess?

Mon23.2.04

mike: No, Wiki is not the ultimate repository of AllHumanKnowledge. It doesn't tell me what underpants I should wear.

: ''The green ones. There, now is it the ultimate repository of AllHumanKnowledge? --K

mike: You do have to worry about air-to-air water cannons, though

alex: Must - Have - Cable!!
- mike: Are you short of a marble or few?
- alex: Must - Have - Marble!!
- mike: Why, have you lost yours?
- dave: To be honest, I'm beginning to doubt he ever had any...

chris: Just for the sheer insanity of it, ChrisHowlett will start carrying his fingerprint to GamesEvening

Sun22.2.04

zoe: Do you have a pencil? Preferably one with a pointy end...

ed: 5 is different to 8 in certain ways

Sat21.2.04

mike. What time is it... 6.30.
- zoë: Awww, how shweet!

nathaniel: Is the brioche the bread or the croissants?
- serge: The bready stuff.
- nathaniel: Oh yeah, I guess that's because the croissants are the croissants...

Fri20.2.04

alex to mike: How often do you look at things from the point of view of a currant?
- david: Quite often...

mike: Do you find condensed kettles in the same part of the supermarket as condensed milk?
- rob: Of course not! Milk is in the dairy section.. you need the condensed kitchen utensils aisle!!

alex: I can sit in a chair without discomfort!
- milan: But that would imply that every chair in the world has a bag on it...

mike: Just in case you haven't noticed, Alan, I don't have an inbuilt screen.

alex: Just because I'm a computer doesn't mean people feed me to Nokkette!!

Thu19.2.04

alex: I think I'd prefer being shot by a banana to a water pistol

joy: He's older because he comes from Germany

steve: We've already done the whisky earlier
- lewis: I don't think there's a problem with more whisky...

Wed18.2.04

alex: Make your friends happy - Employ a Plumber today!
- morag: Well, if your friends are plumbers...

alan: Well I can't possibly imagine Nokky as a mobile phone... he/she gets around too much and is so intelligent... Alex on the other hand.. well...!
[!!]
- nokkette: Alex beeped when he saw this one. I just rolled my eyes...

alan: Yes my fingers do have ears...!

Tue17.2.04

stuart: I apologise for making sense!

alex: People giving me strange looks I can cope with. People talking about giving me strange looks intimidates me...

Mon16.2.04

[misheard by stephen] jenny: How long would it take you to get home from work if you came straight here?
- alex: 1 to 3 weeks...

stephen: You don't hang around the house when we're here?
- alex: I prefer to practice my levitation in private

alex: You don't want stable horses. They cause much less of a reaction...

tsunami: We don't want to know what you get up to, when you're...
- alex: Distorting Hilbert? spaces! Nyehehe, hehe, hehe!

Sun15.2.04

mike to alan: So have you tried gluing smoke to fire using PVA?
- [alan nods]

mike: I'm not dating a chicken!

Sat14.2.04

nicole: I don't want to be a leader - I want to be a small potato...

alex: I don't feel as much fondness for the internet as I do for my sweet little mobile phone

alan: I don't want to eat too much. *exit stage left*
- david: Is that Alan, or someone masquerading as Alan?

alex: Ph34r the mechanical properties of my peanut butter!

Fri13.2.04

liz re a teabag: Presumably he'd put the water on before trying to drink it?

alex: So we want to send Nagi climbing up the right-hand side of the letter O

mike: What would you like, Alex?
- alex: To stop making so many quotes tonight...
- mike: It's hard to do this with a kettle...

mike: What about inorganic penguins?
- alex: Robot Penguins of Doom!
- mike: ...Did Nokkette hear that?
- alex: But it was a reference to the Robot Ninja Frogs...

mike: Even Rob, when he's being his most demented with his feet, can't get them through the wall to the rings outside.

alex: I've never phoned someone up at 3 in the morning and asked them to make a quote, but this might not always be the case

david: So that's why you want to bury your bike in the garden. Not so that Tony Robinson can come to dig it up, but so that you can get a nice bike tree growing...

mike: Some bikes must be female, because otherwise there'd never be any new bikes.
- alex: The concept of bike cabbage patches - or bike storks!! - is...

alex: Communicating semaphore with eyebrows is something that more should be made of...

alex: Mmm... minibus with purple blobs on

mike: I've never investigated the solubility limits of instant coffee.
- alex: Neither have I! This I feel is an oversight...

mike: Potes and quns? Why am I getting quotes and puns mixed up today?
- alex: You've got to mind your p's and q's.
- mike: It's easy. Queues are little green vegetables, and peas are lines of people...

alan: Thery also serve tea for coffee-heretics...!
- mike: Coffetics?
- alan: It sounds like some sort of ballet!
- mike: Or a pest insect that eats coffee plants.

Thu12.2.04

kenton: The Church needs to be as relevant, if not *more* relevant, than a PotNoodle?!

alan: Do you think banks are an evolution of wallets?

Wed11.2.04

alan: So do you /really/ say ibble under your breath to your coffee each morning? - How strange!

Tue10.2.04

stuart: I think he wants his mummy. And possibly a forest.

alan: Tomorrow I might have to try riding my handwash to work...

Mon9.2.04

mike: So if I get Rob to change his computer's name to infra-red, I'll be able to recieve direct remote communication from your nose 24/7?
- alan: Yes!

[W] alex: I'm in paint, but at least they understand that.

Sat7.2.04

[W] requiem: I maintain that I am an artifact creature, as now I remember I seem to have had one too few meals and can't remember which one I missed. Ah, well. I'll go eat stuff. Mmmm.... stuff...

jeremy to zoë: Didn't you have a dream where you were a solution to the Dirac equation?
- zoë: Yes...
- nick: You had have too much education young lady

nic: Was I some kind of collective number of turnips?

mike: G'day, psychiatric help hospital!
- zoë: Please press 1 if you are a Bruce, 2 if you are a Sheila...

michael: Zoë left in disgust because her British Isles turned into an amoeba again

michael: Concorde spent most of its life as a mitten

racquel: Are you Jeremy's dad?
- jeremy's dad: One of them...

serge: Oh Nagi, I brought back some chili sauces from Southern California
- nagi: Oh Jesus I am going to die.

alex: Eating your opponents is generally viewed as cheating.

: Unless you're a character from FullMetalAlchemist... --K

Fri6.2.04

alex: I spend Wednesday evening dismantling my bed. Then reassembling it.
- mike to alex: Is this a common hobby of yours?
- alex: Yeah, I like to take it apart every week or so, see how it's put together...

alex to self: Restrain urge to take bite out of plate to distract self from Mike's pun...

alex: It's okay. My body parts don't all have their own identity. Not like Left Leg, Big Toe and so on...
[The aforementioned are names that AlanRoberts gives to his body parts!! Not mine!!]

alex: Ah, I see. We're going to be eating the snacks lights normally eat.
- mike: Yes.
- alex. Ah... *pause* ...What!?!
[If you consider for a moment, AVeryBadPun will be apparent as the context. Be warned.]

mike: We aim to be unpredictable.
- alex: *We* aim to be haddock.
- mike: I think I've set myself a more achievable goal...

mike: It would probably distract you from the task in hand if a sheep self-imploded as soon as it told you its name. You would be afraid the same thing would happen to the others if you asked them!

nokkette: I can assure you that, somewhat disappointingly, Alex does not morph into green network cable at work. At the moment he is displaying a worrying number of sheep, but that is a side issue.
- mike: Does that mean Alex morphs into a monitor during the working day?
- alan: So who types at his computer?!
- mike: Nokky, of course!
- alan: Does Alex install the hand and finger attachment onto Nokky before monitorising himself?!

alan: I wonder if Alex's computer (Nokky???) has a dual monitor capability...
- mike: Well evidently! She has her own monitor that we've seen before, and she has Alex, during the working day, who apparently displays sheep.

alan: Is Alex /really/ a can of beer?!

Tue3.2.04

stuart: Alex has transparent gravestones.
- alex: Yes, that will do as a quote to end the evening on...

david g: How would you play a trombone using a space-hopper?
- sam: Well, I don't know. I don't know how to play a trombone without a space hopper....

matthew: Well the die is weighted when you roll it on the carpet...
- ian: It's a weighted carpet.

alex: ...which I'll be happy to distribute to anyone who wants some Chinese Apocalypse.

alan: My toes aren't yet Christians... left leg is working on them though...
- alan: They do spend a lot of time together; they went for a walk together this morning!
- mike: I'd be more worried if your toes went for walks separately...

Mon2.2.04

alex: Yes. You have to: * live in the world of ExcelSaga, * succeed in eating Menchi, * and then you have a dream about BobobouboBoubobo ...

alex: I shall have to turn my bike helmet into nose hair so I can attack... you... with... it......

alex: "Reality Check: Edible". Sounds good: if you don't like your reality - you can eat it!

dave: I will show you a CPU fan online that will blow your mind

Sun1.2.04

alan: I mean roast Friday with boiled Thursday is a wonderful combination.

alan: Have you ever considered becoming a Teddy bear chiropodist, Mike?

( Back to /January2004 )( Up to NokkyQuotes )( Forward to /March2004 )