DuctTapeAndTheForce/Archive

Round 32

both can come in all shapes, colours and sizes and, with loving care and attention, can give years of pleasure macloud

Both reside in the River Cam, despite their natural tendencies. --Edith

In the murk you tend to encounter them in around here, many would benefit from lights - but few, if any, individuals have them. - MoonShadow

Teach a man to, ahem, acquire them and you feed him for life. (A major alternative is to teach him to use the Web, which will at least keep him from bothering you for a few weeks). --PT

[Both] can [fly] short distances.  --Vitenka  ([and an excuse to restart reading pf])

Both are oily, and can't stand up unassisted. --Rachael

Both are regarded as unsuitable for food by most people describing themselves as vegetarian. --MJ

You wouldn't want to eat either if they came out of the Cam. --Jumlian

Round 30.5

Because both have been banned "in the public interest" at various times. --Edwin

Both are stocked by the 24-hour Tesco in Histon. - MoonShadow

(PeterTaylor) Because they never go out of style.

Valid alternatives to hunting fox. --Vitenka (Someone else can find a beter phrasing, I think)

Both start and end with a sense of happiness, but can become bitter in the middle. --ChrisHowlett

A well-known look; a bitter twist; an original ending; a popular indulgence. --Requiem

Inedible. --Steve

Great for shooting out of catapults. --Edith

Fair enough, I knew it was awful phrasing.  My reference was the the banning of hunting - aniseed for the drag hunting, and listening to mozart is just an all round better idea.  And I think I got the wrong composer for the work I was actually thinking of, so forget it completely :)  --Vitenka

Round 30

Any old user could get inside and swizzle the contents around, and no-one would be any the wiser. - MoonShadow

They both benefit from acid. --Bobacus

Hard to get the lid off --Edith

Using either leaves a BadTaste? in the mouth.  --Vitenka

Recommended procedure is to shove a fork in and hope you hit something. --PT

Neither tends to be used very often.  They tend to languish on shelves, leading private little lives of their own.  --FR

And in that vein - "Pulled off the shelf twice a decade, only for you to discover that it's gone bad in the meantime."  --Vitenka (Yeah yeah, second entry)

I'll forgive you if you correct the spelling :) -- CorkScrew

It's olde englishe.  Pulled offe, my mother badde - gonbe dukes to crew 'sadde.  --Vitenka (Or something.  Ok, corrected.)

Leave the situation long enough, and it starts to smell. --Requiem

Neither are useful in elections --Edwin

I've never been tempted to buy either. --ChrisHowlett (Pickled onions, on the other hand...)

Both select a winning candidate more quickly than CorkScrew. --Rachael (Apologies. I wanted a SelfReferential? way to ping it.)

Round 29

Both are too small to be worth bothering with. --Edwin

Spread the wealth and it tends to come back to you with interest -- AlexLabram

Pennying someone's bottle is good revenge. -- Naath

Most of the time it'll fall flat on its face, but just occasionally it'll give you the edge. --Rachael

Both are vital ingrediants in Christmas pudding. --Edith

What is the worth of man?  His thoughts, his rights, his very being?  In elden days, when blood was strong, the salic law a price decreed; were your kin slain, to ease your wrath, would wergeld come in coins of gold.  600 for nobles, 200 for freemen and even bond-servants rated 30.  But what of now?  What value doth our current liege place on the rights of man, that cold-handed vengance be set aside?  Why, verily, he give not a penny for your thoughts. --Pallando

Round 28

Right now?  Horrible tinny canned carolling in a short loop over and over and over and KillKillKill.  --Vitenka

* I'm ill and tired at the moment, so much earlier than normal I'm turning in for a silent night; and above my deep and dreamless sleep, the silent stars go by * I do (day)dream of a white Christmas * Involves urging my brain to adore Christ * When I have sandwiches or pizza, I prefer it deep pan, crisp and even --AlexChurchill

Deep pan sandwiches?  Worse still, deep pan crisp sandwiches!  How do your arteries cope? --MJ''

We wish... shoe... a merry Christmas... went out, on the feast of... stuff... where the snow lay... somewhere else... good Christian men rejoice! With... LiveJournal... oo, shiny things... now bring us some figgy pudding! --Requiem's train of thought (mmm, FiggyPudding)

27 --qqzm

Bah, humbug --Edwin

[Too many] but [I'm still hoping] --Edith

Mathmo CorkScrew, he went out,

To do his CATAM project

Bits of code lay all about

None of it sans defect

Brightly shone the 'puter screen

Burning up his braincells

When from the o'er the village green

Came the sound of sleigh bells

"Hither Google, help me out;

Rid me of frustrations

Find me pages all about

Local celebrations"

"Sir, the internet is just

Bereft of information

On parties - I'm afraid you must

Walk o'er to its location"

As the bells were starting to

Become a botheration,

Grumbling, he bid adieu

To code and compilation;

Wandering into the night

To yell the noise away

Came he soon upon the sight

Of a ruddy great sleigh

"What the hell is all this noise

I'm trying to get some work done

The sound of ringing bells destroys

My brain and concentration"

... I'll finish this poem when my brain recovers. There may even be a punchline. -- CorkScrew

Yay! My first win! Thank heavens for the subtle art of overkill :) -- CorkScrew

Round 27

They each have a [dedicated following].. - MoonShadow

Fond relations with coup artists.  --Vitenka

Both make a distinct impresion. --Steve

Bad haircut.  --Jumlian

"Hello, boys." --Requiem

Both far gone but not forgotten. -- Xarak

Both regarded by some as masters in their time, but their remaining dedicated fans are best avoided --MJ

Miners (minors) are chastised for having their posters on their walls.--qqzm

The only two women known to have conquered an American President. --DR

Round 26

The first hit is always free.  --Vitenka

They both affect your appearence a lot, though with rather different results.  --FlameRider

Both have a large potential for misuse. --Steve (2 vote)

When considered in harsh urban reality, both appear rather murkier than the whiter-than-white evocative description their fans give of them. --AlexChurchill

The innocent have nothing to fear! MuHaHaHa! --Requiem (1 vote)

They always claim it will come around Christmas time, and it never actually does until almost Easter.  --Vitenka

                            ID cards                 Snow

 Features                   Contains biometrics!     Contains frozen water!
 Expensive to provide       Yes                      Yes*
 to the population
 Helps catch terrorists     No**                     No
 before they act
 Fun to throw at people     No***                    Yes

 * Except for a few days during December/January?, when it's free.
 ** Unless they write "I am a terrorist" on theirs
 *** With the exception of Mr Blunkett.

(3 votes + 1 vote*)

*in event of tiebreak, voter is in favour of variety of format

You can construct a fake ID: it's no man, but it will melt away. --Bobacus

Neither stops [Miss Hubbard]. --Edith

Round 25: Judge Requiem

[Behold the power of Google]  --Vitenka

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Felis silvestris catus --qqzm

Because some people think it's cute, whilst others are allergic to it. --PT

Choosing to ignore self-imposed disqualification, I'm sure that Old Possum would be happy to give you a few very suitable examples of both.  --FlameRider

They both demonstrate the joys of stretching out. --ChrisHowlett

One is often practiced by people who think they are superior, the other is creature which *knows* it is superior. --SusanWakeling

Science could use less of one and more of the other. --Edith

Okay. This one was hard, with several very nice entries - honourable mentions to ChrisHowlett and Edith. But at the end of the day...

Round 24: Judge Whistway

Because both can provide therapy by making you think about your childhood --MJ

Thinking either one will solve your mental problems is a good indication you need to see the latter. --CH

Spending too long in the company of either can make you think you're the former. --AlexChurchill

Speak for yourself!  Although I couldn't claim to have tried spending appreciable time with either (at least not since I was very little and so was entertained with RubberDucks in the bath), I don't think most people would find that spending time with a RubberDuck? made one think one was one of them.  Perhaps this is another indication of how Alex is subtly different to most people... --MJ

Uh, I read this as talking to RubberDucks can make you think you're a psychiatrist (which makes sense) and ViceVersa? (which is plausible in a scary way)  --Vitenka

No, I did mean either could make you think you're the former (ie a rubber duck) - by comparison with Chris' entry above where thinking either will solve your problems means perhaps you should see the latter (a psychiatrist). Note I did say spending "too long" in the company of either. I'm not talking about just playing with a rubber duck in the bath every day. Imagine if the only things you saw all day were RubberDucks... imagine what it would do to your head if all of your workmates or classmates vanished, to be replaced by RubberDucks... After a few weeks, months, interacting with no other people but just RubberDucks, mightn't you start thinking you were a rubber duck too? Can you be sure you wouldn't? --AlexChurchill

Oh, k.  I'll stick with my personal creepy image of people thinking they can psychoanalyse RubberDucks and psychiatrists hypnotising people into floating aimlessly in bathtubs.  And since I've already lost, I'll make that my entry ;)  --Vitenka  (And someone really ought to have submitted WebComics/OzyAndMillie by now - but the

It's just occurred to me - I wonder if Alex's line above could be set to the tune of "Imagine" - the starting of many sentences with that word suggested the project... --MJ

Because talking to either as though they won't reply is considered quite normal.  --FlameRider

It squeaks if you hit it. --PT

Bounce ideas off one, bounce soapey missiles off the other - CorkScrew

Neither work well in the shower. --Steve

Ernie.  --Vitenka

Because I'd be surprised to find either in our bath. --qqzm

Bills. --Rachael

I've been trumped.  --Vitenka

Why indeed? Please, tell me what you think... --Requiem

They're both quacks.  --Jumlian

There are hundreds of rubber ducks around me! *They gather in a flock*

*Squeak!* The leader of the rubber ducks squeaks.

“Crap!”*ducks as the rubber ducks almost crash into me*

*They meld into an über rubber duck* "Shawn, submit to me, or all the potatoe chips in the world will explode!!!!"

*the über rubber duck spontaneously combusts*

*Ernie pops out singing "Rubber Ducky"* “Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath-time lots of fun...” --Shawn

ChrisHowlett requests permission to be terrified.

Scared of me or the über rubber duck? ^_^

There's a difference? --Edith

I found choosing a winner a particularly difficult task as I loved too many of the answers, they were all good, but after considering all the options and spending plenty of time in the presence of multiple rubber ducks and asking the opinion of my fiancée… I narrowed the field… I enjoyed PT’s answer although I was intrigued by how many psychiatrists he had the pleasure of making squeak :), Corkscrew’s answer had fantastic imagery, Rachel’s answer was brilliantly clever and came very close to winning. However after careful consideration the answer that I liked the most belonged to Flamerider.

and a point

You have got to be kidding.  I'm temporarily disqualifying myself for being too damn clever by half.  --FR'

Round 23: Judge AlexChurchill

They both last longer if you keep them cold. --Jumlian

No resistance.  --J?.RandomCarnivore?

Both of you stole what I could say! I can't think of anything good beyond what you guys said... :| --Shawn

Best enjoyed fresh. --Requiem

Both are highly attractive to the susceptible --Edith

I'm not entirely sure this makes sense, but... you have both with sausages and chips. --FR

Only the rich can afford them. --PT

Tabasco sauce can improve either. --Steve

Animal magnetism. --Bobacus

Both are properties that you are unlikely to find within a vegetarians sandwich. --Whistway

StuartFraser is tempted to make the same Bisto/BISCO pun he made three weeks ago but will instead say they're both highly anisotropic.

Because both are required to put the icing on an orchestral tour. --MJ

I don't understand that.  But the reply generator says I meant to say: "because neither are required for the safe use of a box of chocolates"  --Vitenka

Meat really helps an orchestral tour, as many countries seem to have vegetarian options to make the palette freeze in boredom.  Superconductivity and an orchestra tour - work it out.  It's AVeryBadPun. --MJ

I'm also not entirely sure this works, but... Pulses can be used to substitute for either. --Rachael

There's gotta be a joke about iron in here. It's driving me nuts now. - CorkScrew 

Sure they will, if you get them cold enough. --SF

Round 22: Judge PeterTaylor

Both are necessary, neither are particularly desirable.  --FR

Wang!  --Vitenka  (After much deliberation, yes, the PennyArcade joke was both inevitable and desirable.  If you don't get it, consider yourself lucky.)

One keeps you neat on the inside, one keeps you neat on the outside. --Edwin

If I woke up one morning and discovered I'd mysteriously changed into a man, I would suddenly need both. --Rachael (NaNoWriMo does weird things to the way my mind works)

MoonShadow thought of one involving dangly things, but isn't gonna submit it 'cos it's rude and 'tenka's version is more succinct anyway; however, now he can't think of anything else >.<

Both are often linked to government conspiracies possibly involving aliens. tinfoil hats make stilish headgear and they keep the evil mind control rays out --Steve

Both avoid potentially even more embarrassing things a little way down the line. --Requiem

Both are terribly difficult to obtain from the NHS --Whistway

I vote this one.  Clever and subtle, yet blunt at the same time. --Vitenka

Both allow a Mike to keep working with minimal disruption. --AlexChurchill

SplutterCoughNaniNani??? --MJ

Well, it's fairly comprehensible, though what the problem must have been for the left side to have been minimal, I'm unsure.  Nsaty though.  Glad to see you've recovered well enough to wiki ;)  --Vitenka

Indeed, but I'm not sure I like the idea of being dependent on a tie-clip to keep working.  Especially not the one that was inserted during my medical examination... --MJ

Ah, but it stops the vicious ties from assaulting your face.  --Vitenka

Neither I nor, as far as I can see, anyone else in the room is wearing a tie, vicious or otherwise.  I feel I have little to fear from ties at work, even if tie clips are entirely absent! --MJ

You're too late!  It's escaped!  Flee!  Flee for your livers! --Vitenka

Both can be improved by addition of gadgets. --Edith

Round 21: Judge Rachael

At the risk of being obvious, both are well known for their soporific effects on right-minded people.  --FR

Work is the application of force over a distance, which has certainly been [a consequence] of poppy trade. --PT

Both are theoretically seen after scenes of much travail. --Requiem

They can both make you see red. --Jumlian

Sacrifice --Edith

They both evoke things that I know it's a good idea to remember, even if not pleasant to do so. --AlexChurchill

A little gets the job done... but too much can kill you. --Shawn

One is symbolic of the 'Battle of the Somme' and the other symbolises the 'Battle of the many! --Whistway

Round 20: Judge qqzm

Because the creators of either would really rather like them to go on all night. --Requiem

Because the people responsible for either are probably extremely cold.  --FR

Because both are usually found close to the polls (poles).  --Whistway

Neither should be attempted naked. --Edith

How does one attempt an igloo, naked or otherwise? --MJ

One starts off uncertainly and makes the best job of it that one can. --Edith

I should like to state for reference that I read gerrymandering as filibuster when I came up with this answer, which makes slighly more sense --Edith.

I though that "to gerrymander" was the verb, and that the noun was "a gerrymanderer" or the noun phrase "gerrymandered election" --DR

Perhaps we should vote on it? ;) --Whistway

Round 19: Judge AlexChurchill

Because both can inspire your mind or guide your way, make you warm or burn you to the core.  --FlameRider

Sorry, much too serious, but I thought something a bit more poetic and, needless to say, obvious, would make a nice change.  --FR

Burn the witch!  --Vitenka

Jaya Ballard [flavour] [text]. --PT

because they're both illuminating --macloud

Because if you look at either of them for long enough you can lose all sense of time --Susan?

Neither lasts very long in contact with large quantities of water. --Rachael

Both may range in degree from inflammatory hellfire to warm fuzzy glow. --Requiem

Both could be used to hijack plains. --Steve

Do you really mean MTG: Plains, or do you mean 'planes? - MoonShadow

oh MTG: Plains, even if there isn't a card like that you could use them to threaten your oponent. --Steve

Because it's NaNoWriMo, and lots of people are writing books so fast their pens catch fire.. --MoonShadow

Both can cause incredibly humorous reactions if screamed loud enough (whilst running!) in a library!  --Whistway

Development of either is an indication of intelligence. --ChrisHowlett

Both kill fascists --Edith

Both are usually read. --qqzm

Both are dangerous in the hands of downtrodden masses --Pallando

It's difficult to create either without a bit of training. --Nataku

Round 18: Judge ChrisHowlett

(PeterTaylor) Because no-one will believe that I saw one while walking along the Backs in 2003.

Both make your mind break when they appear in RevolutionaryGirlUtena --K

Spending too long pondering on either is a sign of instability. --Requiem

In cartoons both are accompanied by silly sound effects.--King DJ

Your car will fail to run normally if its petrol tank is filled with either.--qqzm

I just realised that I missed a couple of words from that sentence. Without them its rather surreal, so I shall leave it.--qqzm

Do not run in fear!  We come in BoingyBoingy?!  --Vitenka

For some reason, both only seem to appear in rather arid places.  --FR

Whats that skip? aliens have trapped billy down the old mineshaft. --Steve

The ways both move around seem to defy physical laws. --AlexChurchill

Both are furiously difficult to place a teacup on --Whistway

If I say the saucer is full of soup from Mars, I could call it a Mars-soup-ial, though you'd be hopping mad ;-) --Bobacus

They're not. Unless you have a sufficantly powerful marsupial propulsion device... --Edith

Your car will fail to run normally if its petrol tank is filled with either type of petrol.--qqzm

Round 17: Judge Edith

Fifteen men on a dead man chest...  --Vitenka (Pass the sacrificial knives!)

Both help Navy sailors pass the time on those long voyages. - MoonShadow

Both involve dark spirits. --Rachael

<scary voice>Red Rum! Red Rum!!!</scary voice> --K

(PeterTaylor) Both naval rights. And arguably naval wrongs as well.

Both appear in TV adverts for Bacardi?. --qqzm

Both seem like a much better idea at 2am after a night on the town, than in the cold light of sobriety and hangovers. --Requiem

Can we get an explanation of why K thought to compare them both to a RaceHorse??  --Vitenka

You've never seen the movie "The Shining", I take it? -- Xarak

Round 16: Judge FlameRider (hope that's okay...)

Both have a tendency to mix things up -- PaulPower

Both are kind of conceptually hard... --Requiem

Both are useful in the making of waffle(s).--King DJ

Both are sources of fear to people doing badly on the Cambridge Maths Tripos --ChrisHowlett

Both produce unexpected results when wielded by an uncle. --Steve

Because we can derive the Wooden spoon or peter principle, that everyone will spread out to the level of their own incompetance from the thermodynamic idea that energy will spread out until everything is the same temperature through the equivalence: Knowledge == Power. --DouglasReay

What?  - There is no spoon. --Jumlian

Both will eventually bring about the inevitable EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt. --AlexChurchill

"... He had also studied Newton's Laws of Thermodynamics and he understood the way the world worked. ... "I will crush you with my wooden spoon!" He hollered. ..." --[Google]

Both can be used to stir liquids --K

Both scare kittens --Edith

Round 15: Judge Kazuhiko

Bits fall off.  --Vitenka

Because you never get what you wanted when you started.  --FR

Because you can learn a lot about someone by seeing how they react to it. --PeterTaylor

Tears, angst, and it seems to take forever. --Requiem

Because the characters on-screen keep failing to communicate properly. --AlexChurchill

Both pose problems which can be solved equally well with expedient use of either a rewriteable CD or a katana --Edith.

MikeJeggo fails to see how a rewritable CD would solve shoujo anime

The same way a katana would - they're quite similar in many ways. See Round 4 for details. - MoonShadow

Alternate meaning of the verb 'to save' - as in 'to save to disk', on in this case, to a CD-R.  Either an attempted pun, or a wording bug?  --Vitenka  (EditConflict.  MoonShadow - that's Evil)

Round 14: Judge MikeJeggo

MindAltering?? substances.  Smooooth.  --Vitenka

Because it's not concrete. --Rachael

You can have a jolly good go at simulating each using [the other]. - MoonShadow

Because the designers of MiltonKeynes eschewed both in favour of ConcreteCows. --PeterTaylor

z = 1/(x^2 + y^2 + 1) + 1/((x-5)^2 + y^2 + 1) --K (who thinks he got that right, but isn't sure)

Indispensable to some. Inexplicable to others. --Edith

It moves in counterintuitive directions but gets there surprisingly efficiently. --Requiem

Because both operate on a plane far removed from our everyday experience. --AlexChurchill (not that much of an advantage, as the reference that prompted this was to the way camels in TerryPratchett are often thinking *of* of abstract maths)

Wow, I'm surprised.  I thought Requiem had it, personally... --K

Round 13: Judge - PeterTaylor

Because neither gets many emails?  --Vitenka

Round 12: Judge - Rachael

Often drunk.  --Vitenka

When it falls on Cambridge mad students run around embracing it, while everyone else seeks shelter until it's blown over. --AlexChurchill

Sink or Swim --Edith

Both occasionally involve silly antics and wellies. --Requiem

Because both are hard to find in the middle of the Sahara. --PeterTaylor

Both tend to cause dissolution. --Bobacus

Both could be declared a natural disaster. --Steve

Ah, FreshersWeek?, water week that was. --qqzm

Yay!  I was going to add a second entry "The fresher the wetter" (making a pun on 'wet behind the ears') but couldn't see a way to make it happen.  Glad I didn't ;)  --Vitenka

Round 11: Judge - ChrisHowlett

The more rounds used, the more likely you are to defeat the enemy. Obvious when used, but hard to get past.  Faster than it used to be, but sometimes still not fast enough.  --DouglasReay

DouglasReay would reply that he did only make one entry (edit), but agrees clarification is always a good idea.

Because Stephen Maturin takes considerable time to understand the language used in either... --StuartFraser

"You sunk my battleship!"  --Vitenka

Both can be used in a plan to takeover the world, but both will be broken in the nick of time by a well dressed british agent. --Steve

Because it's good to know the seas are safer (Caesar cipher). And because one has seven fours and the other has semaphore. And because neither is much use if your enemies have possession of the quay. --Rachael (if Douglas can enter three times so can I)

CategoryAwfulPun, CategoryAwfullerPun? and, yes, CategoryAwfullestPun.  I think we should close the round quickly, before the groaning sinks me.  --Vitenka

Because both are supposedly effective prevention against certain "undesirable" exports. --AlexChurchill

Or rather more to the point, because the US seeks to prevent the export of both without federal consent. --PeterTaylor

They're both useless without the key --Edith

One lets you tell your friends what's up, the other tells your enemies what's going down --Naath

Neither works well [when] [run] on MS Windows - CorkScrew the PseudoCompsci?

Both a necessary when dealing with any notes written by a doctor ;) -- Whistway

Round 10: Judge - Edith

Because both are more likely to crash?macloud

Neither is necessary, both are fun. -- Naath

They're very useful when you can get them to work, and very frustrating when they refuse to communicate. - MoonShadow

A sign in the street outside your house reading "Men at Work" indicates that neither will be. --qqzm

Both are often unreliable. --Steve

Round 9: Judge - Kazuhiko

Both are invaluable traveling companions along with a towel. --Steve

Both are necessary for Dent-al preservation. --Rachael

42 --Edith

Both become slightly less efficient if squeezed hard enough from the middle. --Requiem

The contents of both were at one point handed down from father to son as part of their oral tradition. --PeterTaylor, with a nod to TomLehrer on gargling.

Because in both cases leaving 10 years before use is an indication of rot --DR

Because both have a large number of strange ingredients --Susan?

Round 8: Judge - The collective vote of GamesEvening

Why be it that SelfReferentiality? is like a Pirate?

Arrr. --PeterTaylor

Arrr. Requiem would like to answer, but he be only a supporting character. Me hearties.

SelfReferentiality? breaks the fourth wall to rob the plot of its riches. The pirate then breaks the other three walls and nicks what's left. Arr, matey. - MoonShadow. (1 vote)

Ahoy!  X marks the spot where I buried me treasure map, me hearties!  --Vitenka (1 vote)

A pirate be I! --K (Arrr)  (2 vote)

For ye can trace endless circles round an' round on the Sea of Possibility. --AC

Because both can be effectively represented by drawing a circle, which symbolises SelfReferentiality?, and demonstrates the π rate. --Rachael (1 vote)

If ye be a pirate, then "u robber us" (uroboros) --qqzm (1 vote)

For one can be involved in a 'linguistic paradox', Whilst the other is involved in 'linguist Parrot-talks' --Whistway (1 vote)

[Arrr.] --Edith (vote)

The former can cause the incompleteness of maths; the latter can cause an incompleteness of masts --ChrisHowlett, who notes that this needs a northern accent to even vaguely work (1 vote)

Round 7: Judge - Rachael

Too(two) many jokers in both.  --Vitenka

Once you have it available you can pass an unlimited amount of time with it, particularly if you know the ways involving some tricks. --AlexChurchill

(Assuming the pack of cards is shuffled) both contain significant quantities of randomness. --Admiral

As users of both are often found not to be 'playing with a full deck' --Whistway

Edith folds.

Games involving either appear to outsiders to be both arcane and very strange; though one is true, the other is not. --Requiem

Both can be used to fortell the future, and both are full of Fools, Magicians, Lovers and Hermits, ruled over by the Sun and the Moon. --DouglasReay (who wonders if creating a ToothyTarot page to map each card to a particular wiki page would be a good or bad idea)

Round 7: Judge - qqzm

Because RunAndHide.  --Vitenka

Both can be very, very scary at times. - MoonShadow

Men who have access to one feel more successful than men who do not. Men who do not have access to one claim they do not need one, yet spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to obtain said access. --Requiem

David Beckham has one at home and one at work. --Rachael (Is that clean and non-offensive? If not I'll go for Because men would be lost without them.)

[...] know [...] and [...] when always available. --DR who has been careful to mention nothing about using the [...] utility to find whether they are liable to go [...].

It's not possible to live for any length of time without at least one of the two. --Steve

Both are a source of endless surprise, delight, variety, and occasionally frustration. --AlexChurchill (wondering like the other entrants whether it's possible to enter this in any way at all that's not offensive to somebody :) )

Round 6: Judge - Pallando

Neither are good to sleep on. --Steve

Both get mentions in Alice in Wonderland. - MoonShadow

Both bode quite ill for one's chances of happiness in the immediate future. --Admiral (although I was tempted to re-use my last answer)

One cries Nevermore in the night, the other is a store used to write - CorkScrew (who has just located [RhymeZone])

Because its quills fill both eye and spirit of an author with blackness. --AlexChurchill

Both make an effective improvised weapon when engaging a sea-monster in hand-to-hand combat. --Edith

Round 5: Judge - MoonShadow

Point of order - isn't a FluxCapacitor less mundane than a JellyBaby? --DR

A JellyBaby could be used to generate power in an emergency, whereas a FluxCapacitor receives emergency power. -- [a rather creatively drained] Requiem

Both are required for successful time travel --K

Both are worth dedicating your life to the acquisition of. --AlexChurchill

Both were first imagined when their inventor fell over and hit his head on a toilet. --qqzm

Neither correctly obay the laws of physics. --Steve

Both can be ordered online if you can find the secret hidden web page. <grins mysteriously to self> --Rachael

Both require an input of 1.21 gigawatts of electricity for proper operation --Edith

One Dr. offered a FluxCapacitor to a McFly? while the other Dr. offered a JellyBaby to a MonsterFly? --Pallando

There is no logical scientific reasoning for the existence of either. --Admiral

Well, IMO for a long time there Kazuhiko was tied first with AlexChurchill, but I feel that Admiral's suggestion tops them both by virtue of being more intuitively true ;) Point to Admiral - MoonShadow

Round 4: Judge - PeterTaylor

Because one cuts tracks while the other tracks cuts --Pallando

Wise man, he say: Write once, read many. --Requiem (I know it doesn't quite work. But still.)

Because Both are shiny --Steve

Both divide the object of their usage into sectors - CorkScrew

A good SysAdmin will happily use either to wreak havoc --Edith

One the laser head reads and writes, the other's razor edge makes heads bleed in fights. -- Xarak

If Japanese businessmen can't use the one effectively, they are required to use the other. --AlexChurchill (who also considered "The use of both involves elegant laser-precise incisions")

They can both be used more than once.  {mad grin} --Jumlian

Round 3: Judge - AlexChurchill

Because its ex cathedra contribution to a given debate is often followed by respectful silence. --Requiem

Because being hit over the head with it hurts. --PeterTaylor

Because spending a prolonged amount of time in either without breaks can cause severe health problems --Gwyntar

Because there is an ach in each. --RB

Because spending a long time at each often results in an unwanted nap --Steve

Mathematics gives fundamental support to physics, and a chair gives physical support to the fundament. --Rachael

I'm not even going to try to compete with that... - CorkScrew|Awed

Because neither lets you lie. --DR

Neither should be bought at Ikea --Edith

You ever have that feeling when you're tipping back in a chair, balancing on the hind two legs, and suddenly you realise you've tipped too far and you aren't gonna be able to stop, except then you catch yourself again? That's what maths is like. - MoonShadow

Round 2: Judge - Edith

Both are likely to result in the building of bridges or walls. --ChrisHowlett

Both involve fat middle-aged men with low waistbands. --Steve 

Both consist largely of sitting around chatting over a cup of tea. --PeterTaylor

Both are supposed to cement matters but may end up with much weight being thrown around - CorkScrew